unrestrained

Have you ever done something you know you shouldn't do, but can't overcome the urge to do it anyway? I did that earlier today. Actually, now that I think of it, it's kind of like the movie based on my job, Waiting.

I had a hard ass days work, busted my ass for not enough money, and as I was getting ready to go the cute host girl asks me if I'm getting out soon. I instantly realize that she wants to hang out and bust my ass even more to get all my sidework done so I can get out the same as her. (For those who have been following this journal, she's the host that wears skirts. Huminahuminah.) She says "Well, if you're not out when I get out I'm going to eat something here before I leave so you'll have time." I reply with "I'll be out when you're done. Don't put in your order. When we punch out I'll take you somewhere with good food and we can sit down to a nice dinner. My treat." She smiles and agrees.

We get out and take a quick drive to a nice place, and enjoy a nice conversation and meal. I can't help but be suave a couple of times out of default, and they work perfectly. On the drive back to her car, I crack my neck. She rubs my neck for a second. I melt. Such a sucker. I know and use every dirty trick inthe book, but even I am not invincible to their effectiveness. We talk about massaging for a moment. She tells me that she'll give me a proper massage to which I reply "That might not be a good idea. I know how massages work and where they tend to lead." She smiles again. God dammit. I try not to think about her and I rubbing each other down and where it would lead. It dosen't work. I can tell that she's thinking about the same thing, and the silence is killing me. I try talking about something else. It dosen't work. We're both stuck on that moment for the rest of the trip back to her car. When we get back we have a hug. A hug a lot healthier than the previous ones we've had. After I get home, I get a call. It's her. She tells me she had a really good time and that she wants to do it again. I humbly agree, as I finish wiping my ass. That's right she caught me on the can. Hey, everyone goes to the bathroom. Crucify me if you want, it's part of the story. So we have a quick little conversation and I can't help but smile. I know she digs me. However I keep running into the same dilema mentally that I'd been running into the entire time I was with her. What dilema? Seems fine to you right? Well, it would appear so until you take this one simple fact into account.

She's 17.

God dammit.