unholyroach

The most important thing to me right now is family. I don't see that changing in the future, either. Having said that, it also merits mention that I'm a slave to money. I own my own business, which I run from home. There's no steady income, or guarantee of work coming in on any given day. However I love what I do, the freedom that allows me, like the extra time I get to spend with my family. Sadly, that makes money the root cause of almost all my stress.

The only thing I strive for in life is to be a good father, provide a good foundation for my kids, lead by example, and hopefully be in a position to help them out should they need it when they're older. Everything else seems incidental.

Why is it important? My dad was the model that all other asshats were built from. He was an A-grade jerk. I never knew my grandfather, but according to my grandmother he was the role model that my dad did all his learning from. I don't want that tradition to continue. I want my kids growing up in a loving environment filled with tolerance, structure, communication, and love. I want them to feel okay with their emotions, strong in their beliefs, and to feel motivated about life. I want to give them everything I missed out on - a proper childhood, opportunity, a family unit.

I've already achieved much of what I want from life. I think it would be nice to have financial independence, and have time to be more involved in community orientated activities. I have a pipe dream of taking a couple of years off and just travelling about in a modest RV. Exploring the country with no particular schedule or agenda. My favourite book ever is The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac. I'm not a particularly spiritual person, but I feel a strong connection to much of his writings and I find myself drawn to follow his footsteps through some particular parts of California. It was a spiritual journey for him. I'm not sure what my reason is yet. I just know it's somethign I need to do.

The thing that drives me the most: Fear of failure. Not fear of what other people think, but fear that I made bad choices that negatively impact the lives of my family. I won't always get it right, and I can take most of those events as being a learning experience for myself, and an example of what not to do for my boys. But it's always in the back of my head that I'm responsible for these lives, and I have a duty to provide for them the best I can. You know, I think it's not a fear of failure, as much as it's a fear of letting my family down. There's a difference, I guess.

Do I have my future mapped out? No. I'd like to think that our business can grow into something that the boys will want to take over and continue when they're old enough. There's no certainty in that though, and that's many years away. For now, I take each day as a new one and steer my course as I see fit in the now.

So in summary:
What is important to me? Being there for the people who need me.
What makes me tick? Knowing I have room for self-improvement - wanting to be better than who I was yesterday.

Now, how about you? What's changed since high school? What brought on those changes, if any?

thank you so much to those of you who have written thus far but im kind of disappointed that more of you havent said anything...

as for me, ill be updating my thoughts in the next few weeks i hope, still doing a lot of mental searching and what not.

More people write!!!