My mind is racing...
So many different things going on in my head right now: Love life, work, dog, free time, money, my body and mind, friends, education, and plenty more...
so lets start the list:
Love life: or lack there of... Ive been alone now for what feels like years and single since the beginning of the year... it pretty much sucks... I'm trying to be single and enjoy it but its hard... i feel so alone all of the time, i mean I'm surrounded by people ALL the time but no one has a real vested interest in anything outside of them self. I don't know if its just Vegas, or my generation of computer obsessed, unsociable, weenies,or if its just me but i cant seem to truly connect with anyone... i miss knowing that when you really need it there is someone you can turn to for support and a shoulder to lean on and to be that same rock for someone else when they need it most in their own trials and tribulations....
I'm not a partier, i go out when invited (rare occurrence) and sure i have to do events for work all the time but that's completely different.... i meet tons of new people all of the time but no one is genuine or interested in making anything more than networking to further their own bullshit... You don't get jobs out here based on your skill, you get it base don who you know, Vegas has always been this way and always will be... sad...
back to love life! I'm so down on myself with all of it... i cant seem to put my finger on it, is it me? am i not hot enough, not smart enough, not wealthy enough, wtf! I mean dammit I'm not gonna get down on myself, I'm cute, great in bed (especially the oral
) i graduated honors and then went to college on a voice scholarship, granted i had to drop only due to a serious car accident. I make enough money to support myself now and hopefully in the very near future i will be making a LOT more...
i just know where i lack in appeal, my biggest downfall i know of myself is i get nervous when i meet someone new and i tend to rant and ramble and never shut up, im also loud... outside of that i really don't know, i think... no! i KNOW im a great catch, im the BEST gf. I guess no one wants my lovin'... i know i sound like im just completely down and out, im not. im more so confused and forever seeking an answer to my conundrum...
work... well, they posted a position up in Non Alch hiring for a Monster Energy rep... Im completely qualified and interested! the pay is the same as i make now but with bonuses which i have never previously been included in. the problem is i LOVE my boss! I have it sooooo great where i am now and i love it BUT there is no challenge, i learn nothing new, i have been a sales rep in the dept for a year now and my skills feel tapped out... i am a creature of change and challenge, i need something new and this is calling my name... tomorrow, i apply! wish me luck. Monster is a product i can back, a company i can back, and im sure the perks wouldn't hurt :p
i also put in a call to get a part time job on the monster ambassador team, hopefully if im not successful at landing the sale position i can get in with the MAT team for some extra cash part time... i REALLY need the money to pay some stuffs off....
dog... Tank is doing good, Im down to 2 different trainers now and still cant quite decide who i want to go with... she learns super fast its just a matter of repetition for consistency. she is also sensitive though and if corrected to hard she shoots right into avoidance and i don't want to cause her to become a fearful dog. i want a healthy happy baby girl
i want her to find balance and be able to co exist anywhere with anyone stress free, this is more for her well being than for mine. fingers crossed it all works out and i can delve into a new hobby of training her and perhaps moving in agility training further down the line...
free time... well, now that the moving is almost wrapped up i am finding myself with more and more free time. ive gotten back to reading finally with is wonderful, i feel my articulation returning slowly and no longer feel so poorly read. I need to start working with music again, i miss the creative flow and the pure joy it brings... i also want to find some new outlet, its still too hot for doing much outside which sucks but also there isnt any green here so im not missing much. i want to try and get into exercise but im not supposed to work out while i am on the Accutane
What should i try? any suggestions? HAH! as if anyone is even reading this nonsense babbling ramble of little ol' me.
Money, truly the root of all evil to me... money makes me sad, so many things in this life so many are denied because of a lack of it... so much stress i experience because of not having enough of it just to get by. dont get me wrong things are EXPONENTIALLY better than many moons ago, however, i am still not in a "comfortable" position to not have to live check to check so much.... soon, very soon....
money is not a big focus in my mind these days but it still exists in the back behind the repressed memories somewhere nagging at me from time to time.
my body... some things are soo much better, some so much worse.... well the Accutane is working! im super dry and feel like shit on it but my skin has already improved 8 fold.... i am finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin, ive already noticed a boost in confidence and i couldn't be happier.... my weight is not where i would like... i cant work out on the meds so losing weight right now probably wont happen, i am in no means fat or obese... just unhealthy, i miss my 6 pack.... i always have and always will have curves, perky tits and an ass that just wont stop! :p i love my "assets" and im not complaining cause i for damn sure know no one else is hahaha, however i have somethings i just want to reduce and tighten, namely core area, thighs, and arms... im taking things one step at a time right now. first the Accutane for my skin, next invisalign to fix my grill
and then hopefully lasik to help my blind ass see the light!
my mind... just overloaded with nonsense and not receiving any intellectual stimulus these days, i love nerding out and debating and learning all about facets of life i never even knew existed and i feel so complacent these days, no challenge.... where muh nerds at?! teach me good!
friends: i feel like i have none, no consistent ones at least, none that truly care if i were around or not, like i mentioned before, the vegas peeps and so self focused and self centered they dont have time to give a flying rats ass about their fellow man or lady, its just when you have that need for companionship or longing to reach out and you grab your phone and scroll and scroll and scroll and have not one person you feel you can call... its disheartening. and the same with romantic relationships or friendships when you feel you cant reach out to someone even though you may have great worth and value it begins to make you question those very things... just have to give yourself that reality check once in awhile and remember youre not as broken or damaged as you may feel, for every trough it will rise to a new crest in a never ending cycle until we all eventually flat line...
Education... I want to go to school to get certified for live audio so i can achieve my dream job of doing sound full time but i just cant find the right time, location, or the funding... its a constant up hill battle, every time i feel like things are falling into place for me to pursue the doorway to my ultimate goal something trips me up... i am in no way giving up, i will continue to fight the good fight for my dream and my passion but its just all at a stale mate for the time being... i would love to take some classes at the college but finding classes that work with my current work schedule just isnt happening :s
ok.... now that ive written the nonlinear novel of ramblings from my mind and mouth i bid you good day sir.
From Last Year's Epicenter festival... TOOL
p.s. I Need to Get Laid.... sad face
So many different things going on in my head right now: Love life, work, dog, free time, money, my body and mind, friends, education, and plenty more...
so lets start the list:
Love life: or lack there of... Ive been alone now for what feels like years and single since the beginning of the year... it pretty much sucks... I'm trying to be single and enjoy it but its hard... i feel so alone all of the time, i mean I'm surrounded by people ALL the time but no one has a real vested interest in anything outside of them self. I don't know if its just Vegas, or my generation of computer obsessed, unsociable, weenies,or if its just me but i cant seem to truly connect with anyone... i miss knowing that when you really need it there is someone you can turn to for support and a shoulder to lean on and to be that same rock for someone else when they need it most in their own trials and tribulations....
I'm not a partier, i go out when invited (rare occurrence) and sure i have to do events for work all the time but that's completely different.... i meet tons of new people all of the time but no one is genuine or interested in making anything more than networking to further their own bullshit... You don't get jobs out here based on your skill, you get it base don who you know, Vegas has always been this way and always will be... sad...
back to love life! I'm so down on myself with all of it... i cant seem to put my finger on it, is it me? am i not hot enough, not smart enough, not wealthy enough, wtf! I mean dammit I'm not gonna get down on myself, I'm cute, great in bed (especially the oral
) i graduated honors and then went to college on a voice scholarship, granted i had to drop only due to a serious car accident. I make enough money to support myself now and hopefully in the very near future i will be making a LOT more... i just know where i lack in appeal, my biggest downfall i know of myself is i get nervous when i meet someone new and i tend to rant and ramble and never shut up, im also loud... outside of that i really don't know, i think... no! i KNOW im a great catch, im the BEST gf. I guess no one wants my lovin'... i know i sound like im just completely down and out, im not. im more so confused and forever seeking an answer to my conundrum...
work... well, they posted a position up in Non Alch hiring for a Monster Energy rep... Im completely qualified and interested! the pay is the same as i make now but with bonuses which i have never previously been included in. the problem is i LOVE my boss! I have it sooooo great where i am now and i love it BUT there is no challenge, i learn nothing new, i have been a sales rep in the dept for a year now and my skills feel tapped out... i am a creature of change and challenge, i need something new and this is calling my name... tomorrow, i apply! wish me luck. Monster is a product i can back, a company i can back, and im sure the perks wouldn't hurt :p
i also put in a call to get a part time job on the monster ambassador team, hopefully if im not successful at landing the sale position i can get in with the MAT team for some extra cash part time... i REALLY need the money to pay some stuffs off....
dog... Tank is doing good, Im down to 2 different trainers now and still cant quite decide who i want to go with... she learns super fast its just a matter of repetition for consistency. she is also sensitive though and if corrected to hard she shoots right into avoidance and i don't want to cause her to become a fearful dog. i want a healthy happy baby girl
i want her to find balance and be able to co exist anywhere with anyone stress free, this is more for her well being than for mine. fingers crossed it all works out and i can delve into a new hobby of training her and perhaps moving in agility training further down the line... free time... well, now that the moving is almost wrapped up i am finding myself with more and more free time. ive gotten back to reading finally with is wonderful, i feel my articulation returning slowly and no longer feel so poorly read. I need to start working with music again, i miss the creative flow and the pure joy it brings... i also want to find some new outlet, its still too hot for doing much outside which sucks but also there isnt any green here so im not missing much. i want to try and get into exercise but im not supposed to work out while i am on the Accutane
What should i try? any suggestions? HAH! as if anyone is even reading this nonsense babbling ramble of little ol' me. Money, truly the root of all evil to me... money makes me sad, so many things in this life so many are denied because of a lack of it... so much stress i experience because of not having enough of it just to get by. dont get me wrong things are EXPONENTIALLY better than many moons ago, however, i am still not in a "comfortable" position to not have to live check to check so much.... soon, very soon....
money is not a big focus in my mind these days but it still exists in the back behind the repressed memories somewhere nagging at me from time to time.
my body... some things are soo much better, some so much worse.... well the Accutane is working! im super dry and feel like shit on it but my skin has already improved 8 fold.... i am finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin, ive already noticed a boost in confidence and i couldn't be happier.... my weight is not where i would like... i cant work out on the meds so losing weight right now probably wont happen, i am in no means fat or obese... just unhealthy, i miss my 6 pack.... i always have and always will have curves, perky tits and an ass that just wont stop! :p i love my "assets" and im not complaining cause i for damn sure know no one else is hahaha, however i have somethings i just want to reduce and tighten, namely core area, thighs, and arms... im taking things one step at a time right now. first the Accutane for my skin, next invisalign to fix my grill
and then hopefully lasik to help my blind ass see the light! my mind... just overloaded with nonsense and not receiving any intellectual stimulus these days, i love nerding out and debating and learning all about facets of life i never even knew existed and i feel so complacent these days, no challenge.... where muh nerds at?! teach me good!
friends: i feel like i have none, no consistent ones at least, none that truly care if i were around or not, like i mentioned before, the vegas peeps and so self focused and self centered they dont have time to give a flying rats ass about their fellow man or lady, its just when you have that need for companionship or longing to reach out and you grab your phone and scroll and scroll and scroll and have not one person you feel you can call... its disheartening. and the same with romantic relationships or friendships when you feel you cant reach out to someone even though you may have great worth and value it begins to make you question those very things... just have to give yourself that reality check once in awhile and remember youre not as broken or damaged as you may feel, for every trough it will rise to a new crest in a never ending cycle until we all eventually flat line...
Education... I want to go to school to get certified for live audio so i can achieve my dream job of doing sound full time but i just cant find the right time, location, or the funding... its a constant up hill battle, every time i feel like things are falling into place for me to pursue the doorway to my ultimate goal something trips me up... i am in no way giving up, i will continue to fight the good fight for my dream and my passion but its just all at a stale mate for the time being... i would love to take some classes at the college but finding classes that work with my current work schedule just isnt happening :s
ok.... now that ive written the nonlinear novel of ramblings from my mind and mouth i bid you good day sir.
From Last Year's Epicenter festival... TOOLp.s. I Need to Get Laid.... sad face
the_matt79:
So it seems like you're saying the good ones are in Vegas, I keep missing the location.