unfound

ok... i haven't updated in about a minute so i think i will think of something for you to think about...

ok... nevermind i can't think of anything to really talk about... i am just... blah...

call it a lack of motivation, call it a lack of desire... call it a mass amount of i don't give a fuck...

you want me to make a five year plan... fuck you...
you want me to deciede which way is up... fuck you...
you want me to listen up and take heed... fuck you...
this is what i say to the mirror, this is what i say to me, do something, i say, i am sick and i am tired of you just being complacent, i say apathetic, and use words like douche bag, and sad...

maybe it's the wonderful sunny day here, or maybe i am just sick of my own bullshit to me... maybe it's because i feel like i am getting older, and i am in the same place i was when i was younger... and i hated it then too...

i am just sick of seeing happy people and going, "why am i not happy?" i say, what's wrong with me... and i use words like loner, and self-contained, and i know none of that is true... i am just..... i don't know... what am i?

flawed? damage? is it because i have a little chunk in my belly? do i smell funny? don't tell me it's because i'm bald...
and don't tell me it's because of everyone else... to the mirror i say, lift some weights, then you'll know, i say take a shower, spray some spray, then you'll know, i say get over everything, be complacent, don't give a shit, try a smile every now and again, no steve, you don't look stupid when you smile, you look happy, and i say, no steve, happiness is not a symptom of stupidity... i say, thinking that, now that is a symptom of stupidity, that's when i make myself even more unhappy...

screw off, i say from the mirror, you are going to be late for work... a job you hate, to see people you don't really like, because you can't get over the small things... it's the small things that drive people away, it's the small things, steve, that keep you alone...