I'm wondering if my life has just been me hopping from one addiction to the next; the same poison wearing different clothes. Must rid myself of the miasma, must rise above it and stop pretending. I'll be okay once I fully understand that I'm the only person who can destroy me, and likewise, the only person who can raise me from the dead.
But you know, a few good friends along the way ain't so bad.
Even so, I think I'm going to stop drinking. I'm not physically addicted to it, but the fact that I completely blacked out on Wednesday night and have no recollection of laying on the playground with my friends, or of getting sick, or of cuddling in my bed really honest-to-goodness terrifies me. It's enough to scare me sober. Even when I'm told what happened, and that I was functioning drunkenly but not uncharacteristically- I was pretty quiet, apparently, and clumsy with my cigarette, and I listened to Such Great Heights on Colin's iPod- I cannot for the life of me remember any of it.
And once this pack of clove cigarettes is done, I should consider myself finished with them, too. Again, I'm not physically addicted, yet. But it would be easy enough to become awfully apathetic about whether or not I started smoking consistently, and quite frankly, it's an expensive habit to keep up. Health aside, I just don't have the cash to support any addictions right now. (Except maybe, just maybe, the internet.)
Today is for drinking bubble tea and shopping for sunglasses downtown with C. It's sunny and while I love the rain, sunshine doesn't let me slip into misery and frustration the way that melancholy weather does. So it's good. It's all really fucking good.
Might end up going to Comox to visit my parents on Sunday. If this is the case, I'll be without reliable internet access for a few days- I'm sure you'll all miss me deeply, but I'm also certain that you'll pull through.
Hope everyone is well.
and so it is
just like you said it would be
we'll both forget the breeze
most of the time
i can't take my eyes off of you
But you know, a few good friends along the way ain't so bad.
Even so, I think I'm going to stop drinking. I'm not physically addicted to it, but the fact that I completely blacked out on Wednesday night and have no recollection of laying on the playground with my friends, or of getting sick, or of cuddling in my bed really honest-to-goodness terrifies me. It's enough to scare me sober. Even when I'm told what happened, and that I was functioning drunkenly but not uncharacteristically- I was pretty quiet, apparently, and clumsy with my cigarette, and I listened to Such Great Heights on Colin's iPod- I cannot for the life of me remember any of it.
And once this pack of clove cigarettes is done, I should consider myself finished with them, too. Again, I'm not physically addicted, yet. But it would be easy enough to become awfully apathetic about whether or not I started smoking consistently, and quite frankly, it's an expensive habit to keep up. Health aside, I just don't have the cash to support any addictions right now. (Except maybe, just maybe, the internet.)
Today is for drinking bubble tea and shopping for sunglasses downtown with C. It's sunny and while I love the rain, sunshine doesn't let me slip into misery and frustration the way that melancholy weather does. So it's good. It's all really fucking good.
Might end up going to Comox to visit my parents on Sunday. If this is the case, I'll be without reliable internet access for a few days- I'm sure you'll all miss me deeply, but I'm also certain that you'll pull through.
Hope everyone is well.
and so it is
just like you said it would be
we'll both forget the breeze
most of the time
i can't take my eyes off of you
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
I think I would struggle with working at a movie rental store and not being blatantly insulting about people's tastes. I mean, I'm pretty open minded, but I think I could only watch so many people rent crap like 'Mona Lisa Smile' and 'Under the Tuscan Sun' before I SNAPPED and went Kung-Fu on their asses.
I didn't know that. I live far away from Fernwood, but I guess I used to spend a lot of time down there. My roomates and I live up on WASPy Mount Tolmie. We're so ghetto.