Lately, I've felt so irritable. I'm full of potential energy and none of it is positive.
It's seeing a plate of glass and wanting to put your fist through it.
It's hearing idle gossip and wanting to pour hot tea across laps.
It's walking down streets and wanting to jump on cars and smash door windows.
It's seeing you with your long-ish hair and scruffy beard pushing a cart and wanting to shove my fingers deep into your eyeballs.
I'm so used to internalizing this shit, and it seems so trite to say all of it on here, but lately- in the past week or two- I've felt as though I'm on the edge of.. something. I want to break your face and then your heart, I want to tear down strips of wallpaper with my teeth, I want to roll around in the mud until I vomit. I don't know who, or what, I'm angry at. Haven't I screamed endlessly at myself already? Haven't I worn that one a little thin by now?
I have not learned anger. I have learned love and sincerity and kindness, somewhat. I am the girl who will bring you peppermint tea at work when you're sick, who will kiss your cheek when you've had a shitty day and tell you that it's going to be just fine, and who will make you food when you come over to watch a movie. So why the fuck am I suddenly so irritable? The cracks are showing.
Instead of flipping out, I'll sit here at home, listening to the Life Aquatic soundtrack and wishing my goddamn iPod wasn't still broken.
Fuck.
Just.. hold me. I won't punch you, I promise. Unless you piss me off- in which case, all bets are off, baby.
It's seeing a plate of glass and wanting to put your fist through it.
It's hearing idle gossip and wanting to pour hot tea across laps.
It's walking down streets and wanting to jump on cars and smash door windows.
It's seeing you with your long-ish hair and scruffy beard pushing a cart and wanting to shove my fingers deep into your eyeballs.
I'm so used to internalizing this shit, and it seems so trite to say all of it on here, but lately- in the past week or two- I've felt as though I'm on the edge of.. something. I want to break your face and then your heart, I want to tear down strips of wallpaper with my teeth, I want to roll around in the mud until I vomit. I don't know who, or what, I'm angry at. Haven't I screamed endlessly at myself already? Haven't I worn that one a little thin by now?
I have not learned anger. I have learned love and sincerity and kindness, somewhat. I am the girl who will bring you peppermint tea at work when you're sick, who will kiss your cheek when you've had a shitty day and tell you that it's going to be just fine, and who will make you food when you come over to watch a movie. So why the fuck am I suddenly so irritable? The cracks are showing.
Instead of flipping out, I'll sit here at home, listening to the Life Aquatic soundtrack and wishing my goddamn iPod wasn't still broken.
Fuck.
Just.. hold me. I won't punch you, I promise. Unless you piss me off- in which case, all bets are off, baby.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
whoops, fuck that, far too early in the morning to run around quoting famous Reichmarshals.
so let's just attribute that one sonic youth or misson of burma, one of those two used that line to title a song.
And oh, those posters. Campus Security said they were going to post about 'the incident' but I didn't realize by that they meant up in bold yellow, all over the university. It's a bit jarring, but I guess it means they're taking it seriously, which is good.
You're a doll. I hope life stops feeling like nails on panes of glass soon.