I dreamed last night that I was somehow silly enough to re-enlist in the navy. I think for some silly reason, like getting free medical coverage to correct some minor problems, but mainly because I couldn't hold down a job in the real world. Not true, except in my dream. I can and do stay employed, though there have been gaps. I'm just not happy with my work. I'd rather get a job testing video games or playboy bunnies or something, but those jobs are sadly all taken...
So they sent me back to the USS Carl Vinson and promoted me to E-6, First Class Petty Officer. There were a couple of people there who remembered me as a pretty hot technician, but they made me a supervisor instead, which mainly involved filling out paperwork and not being bothered as much. I got in trouble for silly things like not having my hair cut correctly or not remembering when to wear a hat and when not to (this is not bizarro dreamscape here, that actually happens). They went on a six month tour, and I had to keep my cats hidden in a storage room where no one would find them, bring them scraps of food and dump their litter overboard. They were NOT happy. Somehow I kept getting rewarded for doing a good job when I didn't have a clue as to what I was doing. I kept wandering around, trying to figure out what I was doing there...
It was a strange thing to dream, and I'm sure I've forgotten large portions of it anyway. If it had any meaning to it, it was probably me wondering what I'm doing with my life. I left the navy to make things better, and in many superficial ways they are. In fact, I still believe I couldn't have lasted much longer in that insane environment without going completely wacko. But inside I'm still unhappy, and feel just as alienated as when I was encased in a steel box floating around in the ocean. I'm still wandering around, trying to figure out where I fit in.
Maybe it's time that I just accept that I don't fit, and leave it at that. There's honor in being an outsider. Sometimes I dream of making it official, and going off to live in the forrest as a hermit. I might be happier that way--life would be simpler. But life would also be harder, and I doubt I could get email out there...
So they sent me back to the USS Carl Vinson and promoted me to E-6, First Class Petty Officer. There were a couple of people there who remembered me as a pretty hot technician, but they made me a supervisor instead, which mainly involved filling out paperwork and not being bothered as much. I got in trouble for silly things like not having my hair cut correctly or not remembering when to wear a hat and when not to (this is not bizarro dreamscape here, that actually happens). They went on a six month tour, and I had to keep my cats hidden in a storage room where no one would find them, bring them scraps of food and dump their litter overboard. They were NOT happy. Somehow I kept getting rewarded for doing a good job when I didn't have a clue as to what I was doing. I kept wandering around, trying to figure out what I was doing there...
It was a strange thing to dream, and I'm sure I've forgotten large portions of it anyway. If it had any meaning to it, it was probably me wondering what I'm doing with my life. I left the navy to make things better, and in many superficial ways they are. In fact, I still believe I couldn't have lasted much longer in that insane environment without going completely wacko. But inside I'm still unhappy, and feel just as alienated as when I was encased in a steel box floating around in the ocean. I'm still wandering around, trying to figure out where I fit in.
Maybe it's time that I just accept that I don't fit, and leave it at that. There's honor in being an outsider. Sometimes I dream of making it official, and going off to live in the forrest as a hermit. I might be happier that way--life would be simpler. But life would also be harder, and I doubt I could get email out there...