Fuck every last one of you
In case you haven't caught on - I'm in a really shitty mood lately.
And then I think - "How would _____ catch on? They send me to voice mail, ignore my emails, generally don't talk to me except to tell me how awesome they are...where would any notice of me come in?"
And then I realize, "Well shit, I'm a dumbass. I'm the one that seeks them out in the first place."
Because I've established a pattern:
Step 1 - I hate you & don't know why I have to be stuck in a situation with you (a show, a job, a car, a friendship, etc.)
Step 2 - I start to second guess myself & give you a chance. No, I don't know why I do it, I've learned that about 3 out of 100 people I know won't be shitheads within 5 years.
Step 3 - I find myself actually enjoying (speaking, talking, laughing, playing, drinking, etc.) with you. Which is stupid because you know at this point I'm letting my guard down
Step 4 - The inevitable "letting ____ into my life" phase. Where you take the time to learn exactly what it is you can do to hurt me. Which is so clever of you to use later, and stupid of me to help you set up for.
Step 5 - Hey look! It's rough time number 87564 & Megan's gotta figure it out alone because every person she knows can seem to schedule their life to be busy the the second things fall apart.
Step 6 - (This is where I am now). Faking that I'm ok because no one really wants to know anyways, it just brings them down. And life is really about everyone else. I mean, if I try to take a minute for me, everyone is gone...so how else can it be
Step 7 - Pretend you're wrong...find someone new to hate & start all over again.
Well fuck me. Fuck you. All.
In case you haven't caught on - I'm in a really shitty mood lately.
And then I think - "How would _____ catch on? They send me to voice mail, ignore my emails, generally don't talk to me except to tell me how awesome they are...where would any notice of me come in?"
And then I realize, "Well shit, I'm a dumbass. I'm the one that seeks them out in the first place."
Because I've established a pattern:
Step 1 - I hate you & don't know why I have to be stuck in a situation with you (a show, a job, a car, a friendship, etc.)
Step 2 - I start to second guess myself & give you a chance. No, I don't know why I do it, I've learned that about 3 out of 100 people I know won't be shitheads within 5 years.
Step 3 - I find myself actually enjoying (speaking, talking, laughing, playing, drinking, etc.) with you. Which is stupid because you know at this point I'm letting my guard down
Step 4 - The inevitable "letting ____ into my life" phase. Where you take the time to learn exactly what it is you can do to hurt me. Which is so clever of you to use later, and stupid of me to help you set up for.
Step 5 - Hey look! It's rough time number 87564 & Megan's gotta figure it out alone because every person she knows can seem to schedule their life to be busy the the second things fall apart.
Step 6 - (This is where I am now). Faking that I'm ok because no one really wants to know anyways, it just brings them down. And life is really about everyone else. I mean, if I try to take a minute for me, everyone is gone...so how else can it be
Step 7 - Pretend you're wrong...find someone new to hate & start all over again.
Well fuck me. Fuck you. All.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic.
The good ones are too few and far between (especially in this town, huh?) .Sorry all the shitheads are finding their way onto your path.
*hearts* to you. I hope the shitty cloud over you disappates into sunshine.