A short story of teenaged sexual experimentation gone terribly awry by TwistedWhispers.
All incidents contained in the following blog are true and no animals were hurt during the making of this story.
Okay here goes nothing...
Years ago when I was but a wee lad I like most lads my age came to discover the senses-shattering wonders of... what did we call it then? Ahh yes! Choking the chicken! Having only stumbled across this amazing discovery of learning to make sweet, sweet love to myself I came to the conclusion that choking without lubricant ended up with some serious chaffing after multiple sessions of lets call it therapy, whilst sitting on the toilet (I know, I know what a horrible mental picture that makes right? Jesus. Trust me, It gets better mkay? All right, where was I? Oh yes)
So there I was one day... I was approximately fifteen years old at the time... sitting on the toilet with one hand wrapped tightly around Spanky <-- Spanky is the nickname I gave my penis back then. Before that I called him Pepe. Named after a pet turtle I had when I was very little... The thing is... my Spanish was a bit choppy in my teens so I changed the name Pepe to a more appropriate English name later (my mother was born and raised in Mexico, by the way - did you know I could always speak Spanish and that it was my first language as a child?) Anyhoo
There I was in the middle of another chaffing run when the thought occurred to me that if I used some sort of lubricant my experience would feel better! More natural! The restroom I used back then was the "boys" restroom so jars of Vaseline and skin creams were almost always kept in my parents restroom. Damn! Improvising I looked up onto my sliding shower doorframe and spotted a bottle of golden brown and syrupy thick shampoo. "What a brilliant idea!" I thought to myself as I stood and reached for the bottle. A grin from ear to ear across my face
So the next thing I know I'm sitting on the toilet again with a thick coat of shampoo lining my hand now whirring away like a machine on Spanky. "I bet Dad doesn't know about this shit right here!" I gloated as tiny soap bubbles from the friction went flying all around me. I was really going to town and just knew I was going to have the biggest orgasm EVER!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! "RICKY!!!" (Pronounced REEEKEEE!!!) Out of nowhere my Mom is at the restroom door knocking and screaming my name (Mexican mothers scream there kid's names at the top of their lungs even when theyre standing right next to them. It's an unwritten rule in some Mexican rulebook somewhere I think). With a leap in mid jerk I flew up off the toilet and on to the tile floor from the sheer shock of thinking I was totally busted by my Mom tossing off! To this day I thank my lucky stars no one has ever busted me jerking it. Thank goodness too. I don't know what I would do if someone ever walked in on me doing that... I mean, the horror right??? So anyway there I am on the floor all aflutter and thinking the worse when my Mom screams out from behind the locked door- "Ricky It's time for dinner!" <-- Translated from Spanish. "OH THANK GOD!" I think as I hastily pull my butt huggers up over my hips followed by my pants over them. Standing there doing my best to regain my composure I reply "OKAY I'M ALMOST FINISHED MOM! GOD!" <-- Once again translated from Spanish.
With the threat of being caught jerking off abated I steadied myself, had a good chuckle, washed my hands, left the restroom after a carefully orchestrated phantom flush then sat down to dinner. I was so proud thinking about my latest and greatest discovery all through my meal.
Later that evening I enjoyed an amazingly provocative episode of (and Im dating myself here) Wonder Woman (provocative for your average sex craving teenaged boy anyway) then went to bed. As it turns out... my bed happened to be the second most favorite place for me to spank the monkey when I was in the mood and as a teenaged sex fiend wannabe I was always up for the challenge and so without hesitation I undressed down to my chonies and jumped into bed. Settling in I lay down on my back and eventually reached down between my legs and WHAM!! I felt a jolt of sharp pain as I attempted to free Spanky from my underwear. "YEOW!!!" I screamed when I realized the pain was coming from Spanky himself. That was when I noticed to my terror the mistake I made earlier in the restroom. In my haste to avoid being caught masturbating I forgot to wash the residual shampoo covering my entire crotch and so for the last four or five hours it dried up every square inch of my most intimate of areas. Spanky was covered in dehydrated shampoo, which now resembled the surface of a dry lakebed - cracks, and all! Needless to say it was extremely painful and even more so when I couldn't resist the urge to "raise telescope" again thinking about that fabulous Wonder Woman episode... I couldn't help it! It just crept into my head and taunted my labido like a harpy from hell... You know something? I just realized something... Could this be the catalyst for a favorite fantasy of mine of always wanting to experience what it feels like to be dominated by a woman? I mean think about it... Wonder Woman kicks ass right? She wears a lasso that she ties men up with. Hello? I couldn't be far from the core root of my ultimate fantasy thrill after all eh? Self discoveries aside - I raced back to the restroom and did my best to wash off the dry shampoo with a washcloth but found that too painful so I resigned myself to my horrible fate and skulked back to my room dejected. Naturally Wonder Woman came back to my minds eye with a vengeance. Hey, A guys gotta do what a guys gotta do right? So for the next several minutes I subjected myself to some serious pain as I proceeded to torture my crotch until finally (with tears, blood and much sweat) I found my sweet release. The following day of having to wear pants and walk to school was a day of living hell that I thankfully learned to block from my memory entirely. Wow! What a nightmare! Needless to say I have never EVER again used any form of lubricant to whack my noodle with! Not that I'm all proud about this fact but there you have it! Honest Injun!
So there you have it... my adolescent tale of woe. I hope that wasn't too terribly disturbing for your sensibilities. I posted this story once in a private forum and left everyone who read it in stitches for days afterwards. I laughed right along with them and gained the respect and true friendship of most if not all of them. Nothing like the sound of torturous honesty and good spiritedness in a story of self-discovery eh? And besides what good are you as a friend if you cant laugh at yourself sometimes right?
Oh! Look at the time! Gotta' run... so In the immortal words of Geddy Lee Thank you very much! Good night!
TW-
