UHHH......lol So I don't often get a lot of input on my blogs, but I always excepted that because I tend to bitch and moan about some random whatever boy trouble that I am having, and I accept that that isn't very interesting for anyone but myself. Of course I am just kinda I guess keeping a log that stays true to my self that the people most closely involved can not read. That being said I really do have to ask some opinions of those who might come across this blog. and sadly it's about a fucking boy. (why am I so predictable)
So the Ex that broke my little heart is back in my life, and we have been fucking for almost 2 years again now. Well about six months ago he started telling me he loved me again. Which i didn't want to buy because he loves to sell shit. but eventually it wore me down and My dumb ass believed it. Then out of the blue he met someone off of okcupid and started sleeping with her. So we had a dtr (because I was okay with it at first because I respected his honesty because we were not dating just fucking as friends but then when she actully started spending the night I Freaked the fuck out) and I freaked out because of a lot of reasons, mostly because he had made simi plans with me and broke them to be with her. then wouldn't take my calls at all. (side note even as I think that I am over this typing it out now I still feel the anger rise up in me a little) ANY WAY! so we DTRed and we decided to say we are "dating but not monogamously" because I know he can not be with just one woman. I mean his track record is this Dating girl 1 in 2005-2007, Met me in 2007 started having sex with me then while still with girl 1 then we broke it off in 2009 for the first time, then while with me he slept with girl 2 (that lived with him and had been dating his brother, and his best friend at the time they all lived in the same house.) which turned out to be the childhood friend of girl 3 which he ended up marrying. well he was married to girl 3 for about a year in a half (you know just enough time for me to move on with my life lol) before he contacted me again, and because I can't say no I started spending weekend with him while his wife was away, but he told me they where supposed to be getting a divorce, well she came home one day while I was still there and lets just say she didn't act like someone that was really emotionally separated from her husband. anyway after she found out I was sleeping with him she kicked him out of there apt. Now you would think I would have him all to myself, not he started dating someone that lived an hour and a half away from him, so we didn't talk for a couple of months. and then he contacted me again. we are supposed to be hanging out with out sex at this point which didn't happen at all, so he got upset because he's cheating on her with me. that was back in March of 2012 and they finally broke up around august. Then I had him all to myself again until last week when this girl on okcupid contacted him and he has started his thing with her. but he hasn't left me
so I guess my question is what the fuck is the opinion of others on what I should do?
I love him so should I accept that he cannot be with one woman and swallow him feelings of loneliness and jealousy as best I can, to be with him
should I Run as best I can an put in as much distance as I can stand till he decides what the fuck he wants.
I have issues saying no to this man. and there have been many times that i hate myself for it. but I love him and it's like a sickness i guess. No one in this world has brought me so much joy that comes with so much crushing misery.
but the sex is really really good. and when we are together he's very sweet.
(also much to my dismay I think I have started developing a crush on his younger brother, and when he and I were discussing our relationship I let slip that I didn't want his brother to think i was a whore, so now he's been asking me a lot why i didn't want his brother to think i was a whore, even during sex and it kinda weirded me out for him to bring up his brother during sex)
Also I guess the question is because I know nothing about it is, polygamy? He has mentioned this several times how does anyone have that type of relationship with out feeling like it is chipping away at any insecurity they hold about them selves? because that is what this relationship is doing to me right now I feel insecure about my body, my personality, everything. I feel like there is something wrong with me and I don't know what it is. I feel like I am just not good enough, and I don't know how to be good enough. but that's only sometimes Idk I wish I could make myself just walk away sometimes, but that proves to be really hard.
So the Ex that broke my little heart is back in my life, and we have been fucking for almost 2 years again now. Well about six months ago he started telling me he loved me again. Which i didn't want to buy because he loves to sell shit. but eventually it wore me down and My dumb ass believed it. Then out of the blue he met someone off of okcupid and started sleeping with her. So we had a dtr (because I was okay with it at first because I respected his honesty because we were not dating just fucking as friends but then when she actully started spending the night I Freaked the fuck out) and I freaked out because of a lot of reasons, mostly because he had made simi plans with me and broke them to be with her. then wouldn't take my calls at all. (side note even as I think that I am over this typing it out now I still feel the anger rise up in me a little) ANY WAY! so we DTRed and we decided to say we are "dating but not monogamously" because I know he can not be with just one woman. I mean his track record is this Dating girl 1 in 2005-2007, Met me in 2007 started having sex with me then while still with girl 1 then we broke it off in 2009 for the first time, then while with me he slept with girl 2 (that lived with him and had been dating his brother, and his best friend at the time they all lived in the same house.) which turned out to be the childhood friend of girl 3 which he ended up marrying. well he was married to girl 3 for about a year in a half (you know just enough time for me to move on with my life lol) before he contacted me again, and because I can't say no I started spending weekend with him while his wife was away, but he told me they where supposed to be getting a divorce, well she came home one day while I was still there and lets just say she didn't act like someone that was really emotionally separated from her husband. anyway after she found out I was sleeping with him she kicked him out of there apt. Now you would think I would have him all to myself, not he started dating someone that lived an hour and a half away from him, so we didn't talk for a couple of months. and then he contacted me again. we are supposed to be hanging out with out sex at this point which didn't happen at all, so he got upset because he's cheating on her with me. that was back in March of 2012 and they finally broke up around august. Then I had him all to myself again until last week when this girl on okcupid contacted him and he has started his thing with her. but he hasn't left me
so I guess my question is what the fuck is the opinion of others on what I should do?
I love him so should I accept that he cannot be with one woman and swallow him feelings of loneliness and jealousy as best I can, to be with him
should I Run as best I can an put in as much distance as I can stand till he decides what the fuck he wants.
I have issues saying no to this man. and there have been many times that i hate myself for it. but I love him and it's like a sickness i guess. No one in this world has brought me so much joy that comes with so much crushing misery.
but the sex is really really good. and when we are together he's very sweet.
(also much to my dismay I think I have started developing a crush on his younger brother, and when he and I were discussing our relationship I let slip that I didn't want his brother to think i was a whore, so now he's been asking me a lot why i didn't want his brother to think i was a whore, even during sex and it kinda weirded me out for him to bring up his brother during sex)
Also I guess the question is because I know nothing about it is, polygamy? He has mentioned this several times how does anyone have that type of relationship with out feeling like it is chipping away at any insecurity they hold about them selves? because that is what this relationship is doing to me right now I feel insecure about my body, my personality, everything. I feel like there is something wrong with me and I don't know what it is. I feel like I am just not good enough, and I don't know how to be good enough. but that's only sometimes Idk I wish I could make myself just walk away sometimes, but that proves to be really hard.
My girlfriend has had issues with body image, insecurities, and things of that nature...It took quite a while for her to completely drop her guard when she was around me. But I think she is beautiful and sexy, and I let her know that all the time. I want her to feel as beautiful as I think she is, if that makes sense. And it's worked...She's more confident, she embraces her curves, and she's completely comfortable around me now.
I think that's what a relationship has to be about. When the other person falls, you pick them up; in their moments of weakness, you give them strength; if they cross the line, you keep them in check...But it should also be in a constructive manner. The actions and/or words of one should never be destructive to the other. And if that's what is happening...If what's going on is really making you question yourself that much, then it's not a healthy relationship and you should get out.
Obviously I don't know the guy or all the details of the situation, but in my opinion, if your relationship with him is making you feel that insecure, then you deserve better than him.