twistedkittenfur

yesterday I skinned a baby goat. It died naturally, so i keep trying to justify that it wasn't killed for it's skin or anything. I really really wanted to learn how to skin an animal for my survival training, but I didn't want to kill anything so when I went over to my friends farm and the goat had died only a couple of hours before because it's gallbladder ruptured, he offered to help me....at the time i was excited. and as I was cutting it's face off and it's eyes looked at me....i was still okay....then his mom came out and said "Wow I'm surprised at you, I didn't think you could go from bottle feeding the goat one week to skinning it the next" now I am having trouble sleeping and I constantly feel like crying sorta. what's worse is I am in the process of tanning the hide which is also a skill that needs to be known for survival of an apocolyptic event. I just keep telling myself I didn't kill him. He was dead when I got there and there was nothing I could have done to save him. No matter how hard I try to justify it to myself though it still feels like every animal knows what I did. So after the process is done and I know how to do this I really have no idea if I will be able to keep the hide. Makes me rethink hunting, I now know that I am going to stick purely with target practice for at least another year. I am torn between being mad at myself for being a wimp, and being mad that I cut off a baby's face..........I am defiantly going to be vegetarian for awhile again. just the smell of meat disgusts me right now.