twistedillusions

well... my 5 year 'single' stint was my happest time, so I think maybe that's just the way Im ment to be. I've always been blessed with lots of wonderful close friends, so I should prolly just take that as a clue and be happy with it. Every time I get 'involved' with someone, I give up my dreams and goals to spend time with them instead of using the little spare time I have to do my stuff.. and so I never do my stuff and so Im not very happy, (doing stuff makes me happy.. lol) I cant find happiness 'in' sumone else. I dont think anyone can completely, but sum people can much more than others for sure.. when someone is your 'reason for being' thats all sweet and romantic, but never true for me.. I have a bunch of reasons or none. And its hard to find somone who can contribute a bit to that but allow me the space I desire, its like a long distance relationship....most peopple dont like that and I dont blame them....so I dunno. Whatever. Time will tell I supose..... It need not sadden you, I am how I am. Im not unhappy about it. I lack in lot of the desires most people seem to have, so it must be who I am. Im ok with that and I wish everyone what they want and much happiness, and what we want /mkakes us happy is different for many.. holy Im babbling!! Stupid Scotch!! I better get back to sewing hehehe..... I have to decide about the new car tomorrow... well ok, I decided, I just hope he'll take my offer..... ttyl!

not yet cuz stupid work didnt pay me on time again, so my whole life revolves around not daring to go to sleep so I can go down there as soon as the stupid ass gets there with my cheque so I can go to the bamk before everything bounces and so I can get money for the car.... she's gonna drive me to drastic measures soon.....