twilightclone

i'm so tired of sinus headaches.

does anyone else find it weird when you realize you have been in a scene long enough to see things cylce around? people. parties. new girls. promoters of the moment. clubs. club nights...

yes this happens to everything in life i know, but it's just so weird when you can listen to a story on something, and be able to step out of it with comments on how everyone has their moment in the sun or something stupid like that...

it just tells me more and more how much you should want to do things yourself, your way, your own rules.. i like that feeling though..i like that challenge too.

i always play by my own rules..do you?
i mean, i would do anything for some of my friends and family...i've had people make me privy to info i wish i never had to hear...i've done some shady stuff with people...but i am always looking out for me...and i just don't think it's such a major juxstaposition to be like that, and still say that you are down for you and your friends...and i think people sometimes will get offended when you break it down like that for them, but fuck it
i'm not talking about fucking people over for your benefit or anything, but just looking out for yourself in any way possilble..
it's my life and you only live once...
my last gf used to get so made at me and my attitudes on how important my life and my time was to me....
i dont' think it's being to self-absorbed to know how little time we have on this earth, and the amazing opportunites to express ourselves....i fucking hate COMPLACENCY. sometimes i hate wasting time with people...i have a agenda and i shouldn't have to apologize for it...

why i just went off like that i don't know..
i get tired of people's shit coming at me...i need a better filter on life i think...fucking ADD.
actually nothing of this sort has come at me lately, i guess it must have been pent up or something....

i'm not sure what life has been telling me lately...especially on my moving situation and such..i mean, i'm moving. there's no way out of it..i am not looking for a job here...i don't care if the roomates get pissed when i tell them i am leaving early and our communal friend is going to take my room....
it sucks though, cause i feel like i am waiting out this month here...but as i posted earlier, i am being creative so it's o.k.
so back to why my life is confusing to me right now...or maybe it's all so obvious i shouldn't be questioning these situations when the start happening? no one has ever really said that to me though...what do you think?
so getting back to things...when i moved here, i gave my apartment to my friend...keep it in the family...just in case..
so now he might move out of it in May...and i could have it back if i wanted it, unless my old landlords don't want me back in there....
it's just so strange...