I had just written an entry that was a bit down-beat (or as down-beat as I ever get) and then I read some entries by other people that were sad or somber and so now I have to change mine, just to be different.
So instead I will talk about monkeys.
Because there is nothing somber or down-beat about a monkey.
I mean, they throw their own semen and feces at people.
That just has "good times" written all over it.
Monkeys scream for no good reason.
Monkeys live the good life.
And you know, it wouldn't be too bad to be a rat either.
I think rats get a bum rap.
But rats can eat anything.
Anything at all.
Because they can't vomit.
Did you know that?
It is impossible for a rat to vomit.
What a great ability.
Oh, and I hear that you get to watch Paris Hilton get killed in that stupid "House of Wax" re-make.
I want to see that.
Just that one part, the rest I can do without.
I just really want to see Paris Hilton get hacked into pieces.
I bet that it is comedy gold.
I don't even know anything about her, seeing as how I don't watch TV or anything.
I just know that she is rich and stupid and who doesn't like seeing rich people getting mangled to death.
Which brings me to this:
Rich old white men are the worst drivers.
They are the worst drivers because they are all used to being in charge all the time.
Like, they are always the owners of their own business' or at least they are usually pretty high up the ladder at whatever company they work for.
So you see, they always have a bunch of people that work under them so they get used to being in charge all the time.
And then they get out on the road and they are so used to everyone just doing what they want them to do that they think they are in charge of the roads and so they all drive like assholes, like they own everything, like where you're going is not as important as where they are going.
So beware anytime you see some 50-60 year old white man, chomping down on an expensive cigar, driving a Mercedes or a Jaguar or whatever.
They all drive with reckless fucking abandon because they believe that they are better than the rest of us because they have a little money that they earned by kissing ass for twenty years.
I think it would be alot of fun to set a pack of rabid, coked up pitbulls loose in their neighborhoods.
I like the idea of a rich white prick getting chewed to death by a pack of vicious dogs.
That would be great to see.
And am I the only one that thinks that tattoos and piercings are kind of passe'?
I think maybe it is time to move on.
You know what the wave of the future is?
Stylized bruises.
Perfectly, artistically placed bruises.
And the best thing is that you are never stuck with the same old bruises!
After the old ones fade out, you can get brand new ones!
Plus, it's cheap.
I would be willing to do some bruise work on anyone that would be interested, and for a very reasonable price.
For $100 I will beat the crap out of you.
I am a professional of course, so I only use the finest state-of-the-art equipment.
My artistic devices include, but are not limited to: Baseball bats, metal pipes, bricks, lengths of chain, tree branches, tire irons, the list goes on and on.
So don't delay!
Be the first to sport this new trend and join the fashion wave of the future!
You'll be the envy of hipsters everywhere!
Act now and recieve a second beating for free!
What a deal!
So instead I will talk about monkeys.
Because there is nothing somber or down-beat about a monkey.
I mean, they throw their own semen and feces at people.
That just has "good times" written all over it.
Monkeys scream for no good reason.
Monkeys live the good life.
And you know, it wouldn't be too bad to be a rat either.
I think rats get a bum rap.
But rats can eat anything.
Anything at all.
Because they can't vomit.
Did you know that?
It is impossible for a rat to vomit.
What a great ability.
Oh, and I hear that you get to watch Paris Hilton get killed in that stupid "House of Wax" re-make.
I want to see that.
Just that one part, the rest I can do without.
I just really want to see Paris Hilton get hacked into pieces.
I bet that it is comedy gold.
I don't even know anything about her, seeing as how I don't watch TV or anything.
I just know that she is rich and stupid and who doesn't like seeing rich people getting mangled to death.
Which brings me to this:
Rich old white men are the worst drivers.
They are the worst drivers because they are all used to being in charge all the time.
Like, they are always the owners of their own business' or at least they are usually pretty high up the ladder at whatever company they work for.
So you see, they always have a bunch of people that work under them so they get used to being in charge all the time.
And then they get out on the road and they are so used to everyone just doing what they want them to do that they think they are in charge of the roads and so they all drive like assholes, like they own everything, like where you're going is not as important as where they are going.
So beware anytime you see some 50-60 year old white man, chomping down on an expensive cigar, driving a Mercedes or a Jaguar or whatever.
They all drive with reckless fucking abandon because they believe that they are better than the rest of us because they have a little money that they earned by kissing ass for twenty years.
I think it would be alot of fun to set a pack of rabid, coked up pitbulls loose in their neighborhoods.
I like the idea of a rich white prick getting chewed to death by a pack of vicious dogs.
That would be great to see.
And am I the only one that thinks that tattoos and piercings are kind of passe'?
I think maybe it is time to move on.
You know what the wave of the future is?
Stylized bruises.
Perfectly, artistically placed bruises.
And the best thing is that you are never stuck with the same old bruises!
After the old ones fade out, you can get brand new ones!
Plus, it's cheap.
I would be willing to do some bruise work on anyone that would be interested, and for a very reasonable price.
For $100 I will beat the crap out of you.
I am a professional of course, so I only use the finest state-of-the-art equipment.
My artistic devices include, but are not limited to: Baseball bats, metal pipes, bricks, lengths of chain, tree branches, tire irons, the list goes on and on.
So don't delay!
Be the first to sport this new trend and join the fashion wave of the future!
You'll be the envy of hipsters everywhere!
Act now and recieve a second beating for free!
What a deal!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
And as much as I hate rich, old people, I do kind of hope one of them will marry me and then immediately die. There's something about the whole "paying my dues" part of life that just makes me want to skip it altogether. Maybe it's the work.
u can listen to the transplants album!