turkturkturk

watching your own blood dry

today i found out the details involving the death of my father.

i found out i have a half brother that i have never met.
that my grandpa, also whom i have never met, is some famous artist.
and that my dad's other wife wants to meet me.
and that she can introduce me to the side of the family that i never knew and that pretty much never knew i existed either. or didn't care.
i don't know what to do. i am so scared that they're not gonna like me. or treat me like a bastard kid. i've kinda been on and off at the brink of tears just knowing that i am probably gonna hear some stuff that i am not gonna like. i got so worked up about it all that my nose just started bleeding out of nowhere.
i called my mom (she's a nurse) and she told me that i am all worked up and that my blood pressure is probably through the roof.
bottom line...

i'm scared.

i knew my pop for one month. then for years i never heard from him. then i find out he's dead. then years later even from that, i am gonna find out more.

i guess i never really knew anything about him at all.