tubesound

I'm back. Over a year later and nearer to ten years since I discovered SG.

I have come to realise a few things. Like most of the people I know here, SG has been a part of my slowly maturing youth. It doesn't matter how many friends or comments you have; it now runs deeper in my life and in my subconcious than a regular website.

Oh, how we have changed. For me, I have finally discovered how to admit that I'm happy. You can be visited by misery or surrounded by melancholy but overall, be happy with life. And at 33 I'm happier in my skin than ever before. I've shed the need for approval. I've got a little less hair than I used to but I'm hanging on to what I now know to be a pretty decent looking face. I wish I understood that years ago but why hold regrets. And I've achieved so much. Changed my life to what I'm proud of.

I'm now a professional. I've worked hard to get good at a job when ten years ago, I couldn't hold one down. I made a family too and you know what, it hasn't tied me down. You spend so long fearing these things that you forget that they might just be nothing to fear. I've learned to love unconditionally.

I read a book about ultra running, thought it sounded incredible and turned myself into one. I've run 30, 50 and 80 mile races with a 100 miler in the diary next year. I watched my wife give birth again and create another son. I understand pain, injury and patience as never before.

I'm relieved that I still have the same soft perversion that I used to and SG can feed that like no other. The most beautiful girls in the world are here and if you like paying for it or not, among the hang-ups, bitching, insecurity, bliss, self-discovery and love, are people that on some level, know how beautiful they are.

Which brings me to my last point. Finally. In the year that passed, I think I found something as profound as a piece of the meaning of life. From something I saw, of all places, on TV - a show about the universe. You may have seen it too. Prof. Brian Cox gave us a clue and in my own words:

There is no meaning to life. Take comfort in that. Take comfort in knowing that no problem is enourmous as life is random and unlikely anyway. There is no meaning. But there is a purpose, seeing as we're here. To look out on the world and the universe beyond and rationalise its beauty. Acknowledge, as a sentient being, the power and majesty of everything and just make it appreciated. Only we can do that. That's a hell of a purpose. And while you're doing that, show love to those around you, teach them to see the same and you will add a tiny but invaluable amount of weight to that astounding beauty.