im just tired of the people. burnt out on dealing with them. dont care of thier lack of faith. i dont want to please them. i dont care who or what kind of a person they think i am. its probably true. thier rules are king though. so i must obey. the only partial escape is to be clever. work around the walls, drop bombs on the innocent ones. which is less.. living or dying? i cant tell anymore..
akathisia:
for some reason, i want to combine "filth" right now. How dirty is that? I feel this desire to bounce things off of people. Maybe that is just weak, that the ideas aren't strong enough on their own. I don't know. But i like a lot of things that i hear/see/etc from some people's heads right now....I think i still will be to anal to accept certain types of influence over my art. But i want to see how much control i can give up, no matter how uncomfortable and weird the process and still be happy with the result. This is an expiriment. Maybe it won't work, maybe i never could be happy with that compromisation. But interesting collision could result. I don't know yet.