@elune’s Incredible Blog inspired me to write about my own trauma and fears.
Many people have trouble coping with trauma from early development and/or adolescence. Mine was fairly decent. Sure, I was dorky and underweight. Undisciplined and distracted. But I got by. My trauma reared it’s head about 5 Years ago- I moved to a city other than where my parents lived for the first time in my life. I lived in a house with my 2 best friends. Steady job and even had a fulfilling relationship for a few months.
One of my two roommates (T) started to have things disappear from his personal inventory. Dumb stuff. Weed paraphernalia, kitchen utensils, a shot glass set, and his wallet once. The other roommate (P) and T decided that I was behind the thievery (I would never!). Suddenly my stuff started to go missing. DVDs/CDs, a collection of artwork, my clothes.
I knew in my heart it was one of them. Eventually, P confessed to doing it as sort of a vigilante justice thing. He apologized and even offered reparations after he realized I never stole from T. The damage was done- at least emotionally. These were 2 of only a handful of people in the world I trusted beyond a doubt.
I moved back home and had trouble getting started again. I questioned everyone and everything around me. My relationship with my Dad turned sour over politics. My brother’s girlfriend at the time tried to turn him against me and I was on the edge of self harm. I didn’t feel like I belonged. Anywhere. I’m still carrying that burden today.
But this community, just being able to write this- gives me hope. What started as an appreciation of the female body has turned into a place where I feel like I can be myself. Where I can express myself. Where people understand. My inner circle is developing slowly again, but for the first time in 5 years- I feel gratitude.
I want to end this by saying: if anyone needs to or wants to talk about ANYTHING they are going through. My DMs are always open. And thank you Elune for giving me the courage to write this.
Much love as always,
Mike/TT316
