true_love

At-one-ment! I haven't heard anyone else use that since I took a class in Buddhism from a former physicist. 1993? I've always played with the now-here/nowhere concept as well. People have said that I live in my head too much - so I'm going to fuck and get fucked like mad tomorrow. They also say I feel too much so maybe the fucking isn't such a good idea? ;o) I am mindful. My mind has come to thumb its nose at the traditional notion of "the moment." I used to wash the dishes when I washed the dishes. Now... I wash the dishes and experience every dish I've ever washed and every dish I will wash - every dish that has ever been and ever will be washed - and so much more. It is difficult to put into words. It isn't even "my" mind.... It is Mind. Sometimes the little me gets scared and withdraws. I become ME. Ego. Self. I tend to write about the adventures and struggles of ME in here as there is no need to write about Mind - Connectedness - at least not when I am there. I dump the grime of Self in here. I like the grime of Self. I like getting dirty. That's what I have a body for! I see no inherent conflict between the two. It isn't a striving for 'salvation' in Oneness with something... I'm there when I let myself be. As ME, I get to work out silly things like guilt and desire and how to decrease suffering in the world. I get to play. ;o)

Ha! Ok, washing dishes was the first thing I practiced Mindfulness with on a regular basis since it's a very regular and rather humdrum seeming thing to do. But lo! Warm is the water and the bubbles feel so nice! There is such variety in texture between dishes, pots, glassware.... I'll stop.

I am allowing myself to enjoy being alive more and more. I fought against this life for quite some time and sometimes still do. What I believe and what I experience aren't always in sync. Like I said, I don't tend to write about the joy of Satori in here but rather the struggles and games, the tricks I play on myself as an ego.

I still like getting dirty. I need my ego to live. Eventually I won't need it and then I suppose I will end. But while I'm using it, I may as well enjoy! This is not the time in my life for asceticism.

I could really do without the "chronic, intractable major depression" though. It was one thing to be a little different in the way I thought in high school, but really, I'm tired of being tired of it. I can deal with the "psychosis" and "anxiety" but the depression.... Bloody hell.

I do welcome and appreciate your thoughts.

Yeh the company pays man, or I`d never go

I`m a seedy sorta guy

Its a great book. There is a large part of me that wants to believe everything in it. it makes a lot of sense, even to the uninitiated.

I will be kind to myself

You take care

It has taken at least six attempts for me to get to the point where I can add a comment. I had something on the deep side of metaphysical all set to be shared, but now I'm wondering if maybe I wasn't meant to say it! Also, I was thinking of your ex and the dreams you had; it could be passed off with a psychological explanation involving catharsis, but Id prefer to think your minds were connected. That could only happen BECAUSE of the Oneness. So even though she may have abused it, you might want to look at it again later on - if it ever becomes less creepy to you. ;o) After all, we seem to be physical interpreters/invokers of the Oneness or Mind and you seem to have had a very direct experience of it.

whoa... words to live by. thanks for the reminder. by the way...where do you reside?

i'm in lil' ol' adelaide, enjoying the milder weather and the sandy beaches of the southern ocean. Am missing the rockin' bands and pubs of melbourne tho.

Yes you are a handsome devil

Yes I got told by Tsui.

She`s been real busy and not posting much. Its been about 3 mounths since she left me a comment. So I asked her if we were still friends and she didn`t answer.

So I left her a goodbye good luck message and took her off my friends list.

Then she replied with the comment you saw.

To be honest I feel terrible about the whole thing and its been eating me up all weekend.

I left her an explanation and hope she understands and is cool with it all.

I just thought I had pissed her off and she wasn`t speaking to me. Now I really have pissed her off

I shouldn`t let these things upset me so much. I suppose you can`t please everyone, but I do like to try.

I know you`ll have something to say about that so do you worst

I`m so glad to have you back mate

Hey welcome to the Brisneyland crew mate, I see you have Siara on board which is a good start, maybe catch up with you at the next hookup.

nice pick

Popped back, heavy stuff about the possibility of being a Daddy.

Hope you7 find the lass and confirm the specifics.

And it looks like you`ve moved

So you been duckin and divin as they say.

I`ll give that a go

So sunny Oz now eh?

You a tanned bikkshu?

I`ll try that manga thing if I get the chance.

keep well speak soon, glad you`re back