trucker_fiction

Let me tell you about bamboo cutting boards. Bamboo is harder than maple, naturally water resistant, and extremely light. It's the titianium of hardwoods. My house will be floored with bamboo, when I build one. But for now, I'll be happy with these:



two brand new bamboo boards to cover the counters in my apartment with. I can't wait to cut up a side of beef on them. Speaking of my new apartment,

Dear New Landlord,
Please stop SHUTTING OFF MY FUCKING POWER WHEN YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT THE SMALLEST FUCKING THING. If you want to talk to me about some issue, that's fine. I understand I live in a building with lots of college students, and we don't really like to talk to you, but STOP SHUTTING OFF MY POWER JUST TO GET MY ATTENTION!

Thanks, Mr. Fiction

Furthermore, the "brand new countertops" I was promised have not arrived, so I am forced to make do with a counter that looks like someone decided to experiment with power tools on. Hence, the cover-up operation with the cutting boards.

Check this out:



In other news, packing all my clothes to move into my new place is a fucking pain. Why do I own so many black t-shirts? half of this stuff I don't even remember. I even found a machete YES THAT'S RIGHT A MACHETE



in my closet. I remember where I got it now,, but I was totally mystified when I came across it. It now resides in the trunk of my car, ready for the Zombie Apocalypse. Because when the ZA happens, it's not the fear of Winning... it's the fear of Losing Completely that drives me to drive around with a machete in my trunk. I have a large razor sharp jungle clearing tool in my car, and I don't care who knows it. Perhaps the more people that know it, the better... deterrence is a powerful tool... "Shit, that crazy bastard's got a damn machete in his shit, you don't fuck around with him... he took someone's head off in arizona with it, I heard..." Maybe one of these days I'll grab it out and go running through my building, or down my street with it, Enforcing the Common Good, putting bad people in their place... the fear of flying jungle tools will keep them locked up in their houses.

I'm not going to buy a pistol, or any firearm for that matter, and I'll tell you why. Owning something like that is nothing but Temptation, more of the devil's business... I would be more than tempted to shoot out my back windows at 3 o clock in the morning, a good old fashioned All American Display Of Firepower, Hunter S. Thompson style... just the thing to scare the living fuck out of the neighbors and instill a healthy respect for large caliber weapons in the neighborhood.

It is a full moon tonight, and I will be outside enjoing it shortly, so I bid you all good evening.