troubledoll

I have a "medcheck" appt. on the 27th, and by God if the shrink won't give me a new antidepressant I'm just going to buy Prozac off the internet. Bipolar 2, the flavor-of-the-month diagnosis is just plain bullshit. Over 3 months on a "mood stablilizer" and my mood has stabilized alright. I'm a stable 4, on a scale of one to 10. Well, some days I'm a 5.

What really pisses me off is that I know I am not this person! I'm not a moody, short tempered bitch, I'm not someone who has trouble feeling joy and excitement. But when I look back at my (other) journal, the past year is just a repetition of the same thing in every entry. If I dared look back at this one, it would probably be the SOS as well.

I asked for medical help in late March.......gave the first, horribly incompetent psychiatrist 3 months of my life; and now I'm about 6 months in, on the 2nd doc, still not in a good place-much less a happy place-and I'm trying to hang in there and have a positive attitude but I'm going to hit a wall pretty soon.

I have a job interview tonight; I'm so ambivalent about actually making any changes in my life that I don't even want to think about changing jobs, even though I hate the one I have. Is their carrot going to be better than the stick I know?

Ish.