trouble_

Why do I always end up feeling like some kind of freak?
I feel like I'm just a source of entertainment, and can't be taken seriously at all. Like all I am is a party animal who clearly has no concern for the rest of life. Well I fucking do. I'm tired of feeling like no decent human being would want to be in a relationship with me because I'm fucking weird and act a little crazy. Sure I am a little fucking crazy, but am I so fucking out there that I'll never be loved? I'm getting to the point where I no longer feel attractive, and I don't mean that in some blubbery teenage "boo-hoo I'm not pretty" kind of way, I mean it in a serious personality kind of way. Is my personality so completely retarded that nobody can deal with me? I'm fucking pissed. I want to get to know new people, I want to try to move on in my life. And no, this doesn't mean I want to jump right back into a relationship, I just want to feel that that there are less fucked up people in the world who would enjoy spending time with me. I'm tired of dating asshole and drug addicts and psychopaths. And I'm tired of getting fucked around by guys that just want to have fun but could never actually take me seriously. Why have I been labeled like this? Honestly, right now. I just can't fucking care anymore. And I think its been awhile like that... I've just stopped fucking caring. And it seems the less I seem to care, the more of a total freak I look like.
I just want one person, one person to actually try and get to know me after that night out.
I want someone to walk up and instead of saying "man yer hot" comment on my sense of humor, or, hah, here's a concept, my intelligence.
The next guy who fucking says some fucking dumbass comment to me is getting the fuck beat down. I swear to fucking god. I am not a fucking object, and I'm not gonna be your "fun wild night with the crazy chick"
FUCK YOU!