trouble_

I passed out today.
From pain.
I thought maybe I had low blood sugar.
But no. It was fine once I got to the ER.. they checked.
How does someone walk around in so much pain and not realize it?
Not care...
Anyways.. my kidneys appear to be bleeding and present white blood cells mean I'm fighting some sort of internal infection.
I got some anti-biotics.
I have to go back tomorrow at 8am.
To see someone in internal medicine.
This may be it guys.
I might finally find out what the hell is wrong with me.
I just wish it didn't have to come this far...
I just wish they could've done something before I passed out..
In front of them.
And I apologize.
I am embarrassed, because now I appear weak.
I don't want to look like some attention wanting bitch. Passing out all over the place.
Why am I so fucking concerned with what others think about me?
That's why I can walk around in this much pain and do nothing.
I don't want anyone to know I'm hurting.
I don't want them to know I'm vulnerable.
But now they do.
Today was a bad day.
Tomorrow.. will be... hopefully enlightening.
I wish I had a friend to come with me.
Someone I'd actually genuinely want to be there with me...
But due to aforementioned reasons... That's not really possible...
I have to take this on alone. As always.
I have to be strong. I have to fight this.
I'll feel like a better person because of it.