Girls just want to have fun.
Ive been married for a very, very long time. So long in fact that weve sort of hit that point where Im wondering if weve pretty much burned this relationship out. Theres been all kinds of underlying tension and things left unsaid. Jealousy (on his part) and resentment (on mine) plus anger all around. The last few months weve starting talking again. Initially in very negative ways. How weve hurt each other, is there someone else that kind of thing. Weve come around to trying to figure out is there anything worth saving. Since we have a family were still on the yes side of that argument but were both somewhat questioning the truth of that belief.
Recently my husband offered me a re-negotiation on our wedding vows. As Ive been interested in getting out of the house more and exploring things I havent felt I could do in the confines of our marriage, traveling, going out drinking with friends, going out more in general with friends, roller derby to name a few. My husband has taken this to a new level. He said I can date if I like. If Im dating men there are restrictions, I can only go out with them once and it cant be anyone he knows. If Im dating women however, there are no restrictions as this doesnt threaten him. Now while this was a tad shocking in the moment, not that hed assume Id want to date women, Id been clear about my bi nature since we first started dating but that hed think this was something Id want to do while still being married was surprising to me.
Why is it that guys in general think this is ok, because its hot, because its a porn fantasy for so many or is it because for so many women making out with girls is for recreational purposes only? Even I who identified as bisexual prior to marriage and simply identify as undeclared now have always looked at women as playmates and men as possible life-partners. Theres a safety in making out with other women and an ease as well. They know what feels good, where to touch, how lightly or not and theres no perfomance anxiety based on a 6-12 piece of anatomy that doesnt always do what its supposed to do when its supposed to do it. Theres also the simple fact that women love foreplay and girl on girl consists of 95% of what is considered foreplay in the male/female sexual realm.
Women also often make it seem like its purely play to either entertain men, such as the barsexual who only kisses other girls in situations to get a rise out of guys or the pre-requisite girl on girl scene in porn films, typically 20 minutes in to a 90 minutes film (dont ask how I know). Theres also the women who discusses her college experience with another woman to make her seem sexually adventurous. Realistically its the carrot of the potential threesome that gets a guy hot in these scenerios. The idea that the woman has in the past been sexual with another woman leaves even the tiniest crack in a door for the ultimate male fantasy, him and two women there just to please and pleasure.
Yet in a marriage its a dangerous thing, in my opinion to let in a third in any way, shape or form, unless this is a foundation the relationship was built on. I have no issues with couples who have a third partner (consentual and loved by all involved) but thats not my idea of a relationship. I always joked that the reason I never dated two people at the same time was simply because its was too much damn work. Keeping one person happy in a relationship was exhausting enough.
On the other hand I have been guilty recently of emotionally cheating. There is a man in my life who I confide in, who I text with and who makes me laugh more than anyone else. Im not sleeping with him. Im not even sure he would if I propositioned him but in principal isnt this far more of a threat than me enjoying an afternoon of sexual play with another woman?
I havent wrapped my head around this turn of events as of yet. Theres also another side involved thats more disconcerting but for now, in my mind at least, being married means I only sleep with my husband. If I were interested in random sex, fun though it can be, then I think it would be time to end the relationship. While theres many levels to marriage, friendship, partnership, sex, each builds on the others and I think trying to go back and change the definition you started with is asking for trouble.
Of course well see if I still feel that way next time I get propositioned by some hot tatted chick.
Ive been married for a very, very long time. So long in fact that weve sort of hit that point where Im wondering if weve pretty much burned this relationship out. Theres been all kinds of underlying tension and things left unsaid. Jealousy (on his part) and resentment (on mine) plus anger all around. The last few months weve starting talking again. Initially in very negative ways. How weve hurt each other, is there someone else that kind of thing. Weve come around to trying to figure out is there anything worth saving. Since we have a family were still on the yes side of that argument but were both somewhat questioning the truth of that belief.
Recently my husband offered me a re-negotiation on our wedding vows. As Ive been interested in getting out of the house more and exploring things I havent felt I could do in the confines of our marriage, traveling, going out drinking with friends, going out more in general with friends, roller derby to name a few. My husband has taken this to a new level. He said I can date if I like. If Im dating men there are restrictions, I can only go out with them once and it cant be anyone he knows. If Im dating women however, there are no restrictions as this doesnt threaten him. Now while this was a tad shocking in the moment, not that hed assume Id want to date women, Id been clear about my bi nature since we first started dating but that hed think this was something Id want to do while still being married was surprising to me.
Why is it that guys in general think this is ok, because its hot, because its a porn fantasy for so many or is it because for so many women making out with girls is for recreational purposes only? Even I who identified as bisexual prior to marriage and simply identify as undeclared now have always looked at women as playmates and men as possible life-partners. Theres a safety in making out with other women and an ease as well. They know what feels good, where to touch, how lightly or not and theres no perfomance anxiety based on a 6-12 piece of anatomy that doesnt always do what its supposed to do when its supposed to do it. Theres also the simple fact that women love foreplay and girl on girl consists of 95% of what is considered foreplay in the male/female sexual realm.
Women also often make it seem like its purely play to either entertain men, such as the barsexual who only kisses other girls in situations to get a rise out of guys or the pre-requisite girl on girl scene in porn films, typically 20 minutes in to a 90 minutes film (dont ask how I know). Theres also the women who discusses her college experience with another woman to make her seem sexually adventurous. Realistically its the carrot of the potential threesome that gets a guy hot in these scenerios. The idea that the woman has in the past been sexual with another woman leaves even the tiniest crack in a door for the ultimate male fantasy, him and two women there just to please and pleasure.
Yet in a marriage its a dangerous thing, in my opinion to let in a third in any way, shape or form, unless this is a foundation the relationship was built on. I have no issues with couples who have a third partner (consentual and loved by all involved) but thats not my idea of a relationship. I always joked that the reason I never dated two people at the same time was simply because its was too much damn work. Keeping one person happy in a relationship was exhausting enough.
On the other hand I have been guilty recently of emotionally cheating. There is a man in my life who I confide in, who I text with and who makes me laugh more than anyone else. Im not sleeping with him. Im not even sure he would if I propositioned him but in principal isnt this far more of a threat than me enjoying an afternoon of sexual play with another woman?
I havent wrapped my head around this turn of events as of yet. Theres also another side involved thats more disconcerting but for now, in my mind at least, being married means I only sleep with my husband. If I were interested in random sex, fun though it can be, then I think it would be time to end the relationship. While theres many levels to marriage, friendship, partnership, sex, each builds on the others and I think trying to go back and change the definition you started with is asking for trouble.
Of course well see if I still feel that way next time I get propositioned by some hot tatted chick.