Revenge of the drunken master
The first time I got drunk is really a story that begs to be told, I've related it in the past several times and now I feel it's time to share with all of you fine people in Sg-land. It was the 19th birthday of my close personal friend Li and we were hanging at his house on a balmy July afternoon waiting for more dangerous plans to unravel. When without proper notice Li runs down to the basement with several liters of booze in hand, before going any further I must iterate to the reader that nary a drop of liquor has ever passed my virgin lips till then, so naturally I began to gorge like a grade 9 girl. Having grown-up watching my dad playing softball and drinking I somewhat overestimated my drinking ability. So in the space of one hour I had consumed three, yes three, Olde English forty-ouncers and some type of dark lager I cannot name, you of course can imagine what this does when added to an empty stomach contained in a 115 Lbs. frame in a short time duration? Now here are the highlights I remember: Climbing up on the roof of Li's mother's car and peeing on the hood no less than eleven times. Throwing-up in a laundry hamper. Almost getting in a fist fight with a girl - I was chilln' on the bed and she kept rubbing my shoulders and touching my neck which was really annoying me at the time cause I was trying to focus on something else (I don't remember what) and after about twenty minutes of this turning on her violently, grabbing her shirt, and saying something to the effect of " If you got a problem we'll go right now!" and then running away. Something with a mini-carrot, no one would ever elaborate though. Swimming in a public out-door pool. So at some point during the evening I got "the fear" and decided a hasty retreat to my house was the best course of action. Well I guess that did not work out very well as I awoke nestled in some shrubs on a path in the bush to some guy prodding me with his boot screaming "Are you fuckin' boozed man." After assurances that I was indeed capable of motion the gentleman and I parted ways and I began to crawl in the general direction of home. It seemed as if hours had passed when I came to a clearing containing a large cylindrical bear trap, my alcohol addled brain was convinced that is was a right-proper miracle it was there and that I should curl up inside. Well as I got in the trap I was confronted by a rotting husk of meat that was mean to lure the unsuspecting bear in, for some reason I still cannot fathom my right arm whipped out at speed grabbed the meat in my most deadly "eagle claw" grip, and twisted as if fighting some unseen enemy. Now I'm drunk, dirty, exhausted, and covered in meat juice. At this point I made a desperate crawl in the direction I thought home was, again. I crawled and crawled for a good portion of the evening and morning and finally saw the glorious lights of my front porch, now I guess I my perception had one last "kick in the ass" to dispatch on me as I thought my front lawn was my room and I took-off all my clothes and snuggled up to a stump thinking it was a pillow and passed into blissful slumber. At some point in the morning my brother recognized my naked form shivering on the grass and quickly brought me inside while my grandmother supervised the move, and subsequent relocation of my clothing as well. I have not had a beer since.
The first time I got drunk is really a story that begs to be told, I've related it in the past several times and now I feel it's time to share with all of you fine people in Sg-land. It was the 19th birthday of my close personal friend Li and we were hanging at his house on a balmy July afternoon waiting for more dangerous plans to unravel. When without proper notice Li runs down to the basement with several liters of booze in hand, before going any further I must iterate to the reader that nary a drop of liquor has ever passed my virgin lips till then, so naturally I began to gorge like a grade 9 girl. Having grown-up watching my dad playing softball and drinking I somewhat overestimated my drinking ability. So in the space of one hour I had consumed three, yes three, Olde English forty-ouncers and some type of dark lager I cannot name, you of course can imagine what this does when added to an empty stomach contained in a 115 Lbs. frame in a short time duration? Now here are the highlights I remember: Climbing up on the roof of Li's mother's car and peeing on the hood no less than eleven times. Throwing-up in a laundry hamper. Almost getting in a fist fight with a girl - I was chilln' on the bed and she kept rubbing my shoulders and touching my neck which was really annoying me at the time cause I was trying to focus on something else (I don't remember what) and after about twenty minutes of this turning on her violently, grabbing her shirt, and saying something to the effect of " If you got a problem we'll go right now!" and then running away. Something with a mini-carrot, no one would ever elaborate though. Swimming in a public out-door pool. So at some point during the evening I got "the fear" and decided a hasty retreat to my house was the best course of action. Well I guess that did not work out very well as I awoke nestled in some shrubs on a path in the bush to some guy prodding me with his boot screaming "Are you fuckin' boozed man." After assurances that I was indeed capable of motion the gentleman and I parted ways and I began to crawl in the general direction of home. It seemed as if hours had passed when I came to a clearing containing a large cylindrical bear trap, my alcohol addled brain was convinced that is was a right-proper miracle it was there and that I should curl up inside. Well as I got in the trap I was confronted by a rotting husk of meat that was mean to lure the unsuspecting bear in, for some reason I still cannot fathom my right arm whipped out at speed grabbed the meat in my most deadly "eagle claw" grip, and twisted as if fighting some unseen enemy. Now I'm drunk, dirty, exhausted, and covered in meat juice. At this point I made a desperate crawl in the direction I thought home was, again. I crawled and crawled for a good portion of the evening and morning and finally saw the glorious lights of my front porch, now I guess I my perception had one last "kick in the ass" to dispatch on me as I thought my front lawn was my room and I took-off all my clothes and snuggled up to a stump thinking it was a pillow and passed into blissful slumber. At some point in the morning my brother recognized my naked form shivering on the grass and quickly brought me inside while my grandmother supervised the move, and subsequent relocation of my clothing as well. I have not had a beer since.
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Where's Marvel... Is she coming back?? I hope so, she's so sweet!!