In so many sports, hobbies, fetishes, and so on there is a point of no return, some unprecieved guidepost saying "your fucked from this spot on". For me the bitch-goddess was skateboarding, I don't know exactly when it happened, but I realized that one day skating dominated every aspect of my personality. Examples are looking at any concrete structure and imagining lines, or finger-boarding in boring situations, pondering what consistency of wax is best applied to unpainted curbs...hopefully my ideas are crystalizing in you mind. You may want to ask yourself exactly how much control you weild in your thought processes. 