Sometimes it takes a big event to be the catalyst for change. I was too angry most of the day yesterday to even think about the why's or find solutions. I wanted to smash his precious Fender in the driveway so he could see how it felt to have something of his violated. This wouldn't have done anything positive , so I didn't.
By afternoon though, I simmered down and started to think of why it happened. Then later , the kids were out with babysitter and he came home early and crying wanting to really dialogue about it in an honest and constructive way. He had already called and made appt. with an anger management lady. Thst was a sign that he was ready to actually DO something about this situation. We talked, really talked. I think we have come up with some good ideas and plans so that things don't get this way again anytime soon.
The problem is that we just plain have too much on our plate, and well ...we weren't coping well. The amount of stress builds and with no release ..things are bound to explode. I was kinda jealous when he punched a hole in the wall. If I didn't worry about breaking my hand, I probably would have too. My coping skills for this amount of stress in the past (ie, random sex, copius amounts of drugs, dancing on E all night) all those things are not healthy viable options for my health and family. I need to find something else. I think we have found it.
Whenever things get too much He is always saying ..get out of the house for a while. the only problem with that is I have no where to go. I have lost most of my friends due to our life changes, and I loathe shopping and refuse to go to bars and whatnot, so this leaves me without much options, no release is bad. We have decided to buy a family membership to the Y. This way , I can leave and get rid of some unhealthy stress while acually doing something good for my body and soul. And so can he! Plus I am still carrying 35 or more punds than I am used to. So the change in my body will also soothe my poor ego and make me all around healthier. Plus then we can bring the kids when its shitty outside to work off some of their abundant energy that I find difficult to deal with all day as I am depleted in energy and patience.
I think between his renewed commitment to being an active partner in this job of parenthood and us getting some time to be alone and releasing the stress in the gym .......I think we actually have a viable solution to our stress issues. And as a weird side note, it seems we were sending out signals for help because as a weird fluke , family members were calling last night to see if they could take the boys for some time at their houses! We never really catch much of a break that way so having that avenue for some rest is nice and really needed.
my only problem now is I have a huge hangup about gyms. You don't see many outta shape pothead punkers there. I always feel out of place and weird. I always stayed this before from dancing on E or coke 4 nights a week so I never really went to a gym before....I don't know what kind of clothes to buy...I suppose my cons are a good work out shoe...out of my element a bit and nervous but happy...
When you ask the universe for answers , you get them, when you are ready to...not when you want to smash things....lesson for today
By afternoon though, I simmered down and started to think of why it happened. Then later , the kids were out with babysitter and he came home early and crying wanting to really dialogue about it in an honest and constructive way. He had already called and made appt. with an anger management lady. Thst was a sign that he was ready to actually DO something about this situation. We talked, really talked. I think we have come up with some good ideas and plans so that things don't get this way again anytime soon.
The problem is that we just plain have too much on our plate, and well ...we weren't coping well. The amount of stress builds and with no release ..things are bound to explode. I was kinda jealous when he punched a hole in the wall. If I didn't worry about breaking my hand, I probably would have too. My coping skills for this amount of stress in the past (ie, random sex, copius amounts of drugs, dancing on E all night) all those things are not healthy viable options for my health and family. I need to find something else. I think we have found it.
Whenever things get too much He is always saying ..get out of the house for a while. the only problem with that is I have no where to go. I have lost most of my friends due to our life changes, and I loathe shopping and refuse to go to bars and whatnot, so this leaves me without much options, no release is bad. We have decided to buy a family membership to the Y. This way , I can leave and get rid of some unhealthy stress while acually doing something good for my body and soul. And so can he! Plus I am still carrying 35 or more punds than I am used to. So the change in my body will also soothe my poor ego and make me all around healthier. Plus then we can bring the kids when its shitty outside to work off some of their abundant energy that I find difficult to deal with all day as I am depleted in energy and patience.
I think between his renewed commitment to being an active partner in this job of parenthood and us getting some time to be alone and releasing the stress in the gym .......I think we actually have a viable solution to our stress issues. And as a weird side note, it seems we were sending out signals for help because as a weird fluke , family members were calling last night to see if they could take the boys for some time at their houses! We never really catch much of a break that way so having that avenue for some rest is nice and really needed.
my only problem now is I have a huge hangup about gyms. You don't see many outta shape pothead punkers there. I always feel out of place and weird. I always stayed this before from dancing on E or coke 4 nights a week so I never really went to a gym before....I don't know what kind of clothes to buy...I suppose my cons are a good work out shoe...out of my element a bit and nervous but happy...
When you ask the universe for answers , you get them, when you are ready to...not when you want to smash things....lesson for today
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I only belong to University of Western Pride group but thats only online - I don't know any gay groups locally and there certainly not any at my college
I'm off to work out with my trainer now (premier fitness on Huron/Highbury) .. its fun!
I'm also going to GT's tonight (I've never been) .. i usually only go to 181 (but not too often) ... you should go (if you have a babysitter) so you can take a closer look at my tat
Cheers
annnd i totally hear ya about gyms. i never want/ed to go because im not like those people. i wish we could go together. and i wish i could be there to help you and support you, too. but since i cant- know you can always write me and talk to me about anything.
you know i care about ya.
xx me.