new blog to erase yesterdays. Sometimes I get bloggers remorse , do you? I oversimplify, or tell too much ..
The thing that is most on my mind today is parenting. How political motherhood has become. I don't like it. I don't think it is useful to divide people into what methods they use. I refuse to believe that there is only ONE method that is right for a nation of individuals. I resent the notion that if you do not follow one regimented way then it is clear that you are a bad mom.
There is the "attatched Parenting " people, the" Ferber " people and so many other countless "scientifically proven theories" in child rearing....I love having access via the pc to all these parenting groups, to kind of see what other people are doing and why and try to find a balance of whats right for my kids AND my partnership with Karl. We have used various methods , usually more on the AP side, for all our kids, but have found that sometimes you have to break rules to find a better fit for the family as a whole.
My biggest pet peeve in all this is the notion that if you do not adhere to the rules of one or another method that you are failing to be a loving caring mom. I have seen women in hospitals brought to tears by the LLL for their "failure" to bf..one woman I rememeber well just weeping after a visit from what she called the breast nazis harrassing her to nurse even though she had had a breast reduction and was unable. She felt like she had failed already and she was only a mom for two days at that point. I also remember a mom friend crying at the park one day..so overtired and distraught..she had been desperately tryin to get her son to sleep longer than an hour at a time at night and wouldn't consider maybe usuing some formula just at night because of what she had been programmed to think through her online bfeedinfg support group. I nursed all my babies too but Oscar at about 6 months was doing similuar thing and when I broke down and gave him a bottle of formula (just one at bedtime ) he finally felt full enough to get some rest that both of us desperately needed. she also was telling me that she subcribed to the notion that cosleeping was best even though her husband and her were becoming quite detached from each other. Their marital bed had become a warzone of son versus Father..and these stories make me wonder..The fear of being "a bad mom" in her AP group might lust lead to the demise of her family.
I hate the heirarchy of moms in groups like these. I just wish sometimes that I could give advice to new moms about what has worked for me and mine without worrying that one of these Super Moms might call me lazy or uninformed..or just uncaring so on. It has taken the joy out of sharing stories and ideas with other moms for me. I used to believe that we could unite and help each other but see now that it seems more about dividing us into groups.. Alot of the extreme AP moms have only one child or two that are farther apart. I have three babies, cosleeping with all is just not gonna work, wearing the baby while I chase two others is just not doable, EC trainig with an infant is near impossible whan my eyes are split watching all three (I miss alot of cues)...so I just try to do the best job I can in nurturing and caring for all of them in their own little way while also trying to nurture my primary relationship that started this family , with my husband...
How did it get like this. So much tension in these groups for me now. the anti's and the pro's. makes me sad that we can't just all see that each kid is different, each mom is too and we are all trying to do a good job. lets build each other up instead of tearing down. like in the Army..we shoudl be buddies not enemies. Our goal is the same. To raise caring, happy , healthy well adjusted children..
The thing that is most on my mind today is parenting. How political motherhood has become. I don't like it. I don't think it is useful to divide people into what methods they use. I refuse to believe that there is only ONE method that is right for a nation of individuals. I resent the notion that if you do not follow one regimented way then it is clear that you are a bad mom.
There is the "attatched Parenting " people, the" Ferber " people and so many other countless "scientifically proven theories" in child rearing....I love having access via the pc to all these parenting groups, to kind of see what other people are doing and why and try to find a balance of whats right for my kids AND my partnership with Karl. We have used various methods , usually more on the AP side, for all our kids, but have found that sometimes you have to break rules to find a better fit for the family as a whole.
My biggest pet peeve in all this is the notion that if you do not adhere to the rules of one or another method that you are failing to be a loving caring mom. I have seen women in hospitals brought to tears by the LLL for their "failure" to bf..one woman I rememeber well just weeping after a visit from what she called the breast nazis harrassing her to nurse even though she had had a breast reduction and was unable. She felt like she had failed already and she was only a mom for two days at that point. I also remember a mom friend crying at the park one day..so overtired and distraught..she had been desperately tryin to get her son to sleep longer than an hour at a time at night and wouldn't consider maybe usuing some formula just at night because of what she had been programmed to think through her online bfeedinfg support group. I nursed all my babies too but Oscar at about 6 months was doing similuar thing and when I broke down and gave him a bottle of formula (just one at bedtime ) he finally felt full enough to get some rest that both of us desperately needed. she also was telling me that she subcribed to the notion that cosleeping was best even though her husband and her were becoming quite detached from each other. Their marital bed had become a warzone of son versus Father..and these stories make me wonder..The fear of being "a bad mom" in her AP group might lust lead to the demise of her family.
I hate the heirarchy of moms in groups like these. I just wish sometimes that I could give advice to new moms about what has worked for me and mine without worrying that one of these Super Moms might call me lazy or uninformed..or just uncaring so on. It has taken the joy out of sharing stories and ideas with other moms for me. I used to believe that we could unite and help each other but see now that it seems more about dividing us into groups.. Alot of the extreme AP moms have only one child or two that are farther apart. I have three babies, cosleeping with all is just not gonna work, wearing the baby while I chase two others is just not doable, EC trainig with an infant is near impossible whan my eyes are split watching all three (I miss alot of cues)...so I just try to do the best job I can in nurturing and caring for all of them in their own little way while also trying to nurture my primary relationship that started this family , with my husband...
How did it get like this. So much tension in these groups for me now. the anti's and the pro's. makes me sad that we can't just all see that each kid is different, each mom is too and we are all trying to do a good job. lets build each other up instead of tearing down. like in the Army..we shoudl be buddies not enemies. Our goal is the same. To raise caring, happy , healthy well adjusted children..
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
your little ones are adorable <3
i get bloggers remorse all the time cause im afraid i say too much so i end up posting these two sentence posts that probably make me sound more whiney than i actually am. or maybe i am just too whiney... ohh well. good thing we get an edit button