There is really no turning back now. I need to go work out.
I was quite impressed with myself when I was going for the tests in October. I had kept a strict schedule and worked out at least three times a week for almost two months. I wasn't nowhere near where I wanted to be, but I was still moving along well enough to know I was on the way.
When I got home I was so exhausted I decided to take a week off from my practice to rest. I had probably started out too hard because my whole body felt feeble whenever I thought about running. Not that I didn't want to, I was just too tired. On Sunday I had felt the first tingling feeling in my throat. A cold. That would have been a bummer back in Sweden, but it would have been alright. I would have been well in a couple of days, and continued on my journey. On Ireland it was a disaster. I coughed for two weeks. When I finally dared to think about training again a whole month had passed. I was well into November, and my patience with this country was just waiting for the final drop to make me crack altogether. I didn't want to practice. I didn't want to socialize. I didn't want to do anything.
I stopped caring about what I ate and steadily started gaining all the kilos I had lost without a second of remorse. I couldn't care less anyway. I was just going to stand it for another month, then I was so out of here not even the Devil and his aunt could find me if they tried.
Then I got an email. Plans were changed. Instead of spending the spring trying to get into shape, I had to be in shape when it begun. I had to make a training schedule, clear out my cupboard from chocolate, make a running soundtrack..!
I still haven't been to one single training session since November.
I know I am a bad person, and I know that I really deep down inside want to go to that spinning class. To be honest I don't even know what is keeping me from there, beside the notion that I want as little as possible to do with this city, even though all that means is sitting at home reading Harry Potter for two weeks.
(This is not an altogether unlikely scenario.)
What I do want is my old gym, with the classes I loved. Those kill-your-ass core sessions, the funk classes I never really got the hang of, the yoga classes that litterally got me bending over backwards... I loved it then, and I miss it now.
To good thing is that while in the army I will get subsidies each month to cover my rent and other living expenses (that is, besides the generous pocket money") which means that I without thinking about it can get a decent apartment in Lund. I got an email today from a girl who wanted to rent her room. 30 square meters in the middle of town - right outside my gym! The rent is covered with good margin and all I have to do is move in. In the middle of this whole finance crisis, things are for once looking up.
Speaking of the army, I called up the Captain today to ask him a couple of questions about the subsidy and other practical matters.
I so have a crush on him. I am telling you. I had completely forgotten, but I have such a crush on him.
The moment I heard his voice my head just stopped. What was I going to say? Why was I calling him anyway? I can't remember. This was a stupid idea..!
"Hi, this is Viola", I stuttered, unsure if I was supposed to continue with my last name too.
"Oh, hi", he exclamaited happily. "How are you?"
"Uhm... Good, good.. Um. I'm one of the future officers", I added, in case he was just being polite.
"Oh, well sure I do. We have spoken before a couple of times."
I could feel my face flushing as we spoke.
"Yeah, that's right. I didn't think you'd remember me..."
"Sure I do. I mean, I don't remember all of you but I remember some. You are one of them."
I was glad he couldn't see me. I had a smile broader than the Cheshire cat.
"I feel honoured." And flushed. Then I told him about my questions.
"Well, you shouldn't worry about that", he said when I had explained. "You will have no worries about the subsidy. You can get an apartment without a worry. Let's see if I can find the papers here..."
His voice died out and you could hear the shuffling of papers. Then,;
"You're single, right?"
I couldn't believe my ears. He said what?
"What?"
"You're not living with anybody, are you? No family?"
"Oh, no, no. Yes."
"So you do have a family?"
"Yes. I mean no! No! No, I don't."
"Because you can get all sorts of deductions if you have a family..."
The rest of it drifted off while my brain went off to warp drive. Had he just asked me if i was single? What was the meaning of that? Or was he just asking out of concern for his little officers? He must have just tried to be helpful without having a thought of how he expressed himself. He probably thought I was an idiot for freaking out so much. Of course he didn't mean anything. He would be smoother than that. Oh my god what a fool I made out of myself..!
"Ah, well, either way you shouldn't have a problem."
He sounded so clueless, as if he had not had a thought of it sounding funny. And even though I felt like an idiot I couldn't stop smiling.
We rapped up by joking around about Full Metal Jacket and J.I. Jane - he even asked me when I was going to shave my head - and then he wished me a happy new year and we hung up.
I so have a crush on him. My god. I was tittering like a fourteen years old girl for the rest of the day.
I still am.
So, if not for my own mental health in the coming months of HELL, I need to go work out. I have a captain to impress.
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Don't worry though, I think it's just a coping mechanism, so roll with it or something, at least I am not going to sit here and tell you to change your phrasing when I do the same damn thing.
Hope all is well over yonder.
So I thought I'd take it on myself to write my own "Atheism- Here's Why" book that a teenager can pick up and understand, or that someone who's already an atheist could give to a friend or family member to explain why and what it means.
I want to try to make it pretty thorough, but also simple. I'm also going to take a little time on the side to address the "America is a Christian Nation" misconception. My minimum goal is to finish it just to say "I wrote a book". My maximum goal is to get our Pledge of Allegiance restored to its original version without the added "Under God" crap.