To those of you who ate one or zero meals a day this weekend;
To those of you who slept less than five hours a night this weekend;
To those of you who took over-the-counter drugs for recreation this weekend;
To those of you who didn't have sex but masturbated at least four times this weekend;
To those of you who had a five-hour phone conversation with someone you wish was there with you but was in fact 1423 miles away this weekend;
To those of you who spent $14 on a Halloween costume which you took home and proceeded to ruin beyond repair this weekend;
To those of you who borrowed your sister's car and took a drive on the interstate for no other reason than to sing along at the top of your lungs to a song that perfectly represented how you felt at the moment this weekend;
To those of you who can relate to any or all of the above:
As president and founder of the "I Have a Life... No, Really" Club it is an honor and a privelege to inform that you qualify for a lifetime membership.
Welcome to the club, you big fat loser.
To those of you who slept less than five hours a night this weekend;
To those of you who took over-the-counter drugs for recreation this weekend;
To those of you who didn't have sex but masturbated at least four times this weekend;
To those of you who had a five-hour phone conversation with someone you wish was there with you but was in fact 1423 miles away this weekend;
To those of you who spent $14 on a Halloween costume which you took home and proceeded to ruin beyond repair this weekend;
To those of you who borrowed your sister's car and took a drive on the interstate for no other reason than to sing along at the top of your lungs to a song that perfectly represented how you felt at the moment this weekend;
To those of you who can relate to any or all of the above:
As president and founder of the "I Have a Life... No, Really" Club it is an honor and a privelege to inform that you qualify for a lifetime membership.
Welcome to the club, you big fat loser.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
My goodness. Is that some sort of paranormal backwoods redneck family tree you and your future bride have going? Nothing like strong imbreeding roots! Rest easy, your children will be adorable little mongols.
Cluck.
Cluck.
My eyelids are threatening to close. I am utterly boring tonight.
... you like the smell of your WHAT? after HOW many days?
... oh, okay. i just thought i heard you wrong, that's all. it's perfectly normal to revel in one's own stench after 3 days' descent (no pun intended) into filthdom. really quite normal.
i beg to differ, you're cool enough for paris. just think of all the OTHER 3-day armpits you could be mesmerized by! and there they don't shave, so all the better.