trinityy

i have been in a weird mood since yesterday. i don't know why. my rents are gone for the weekend, my brother is at his place in worcester so i am home doing nothing. i should be doing laundry but i figure i can do that tomorrow. i kinda want to get new shoes b/c these ones are shitty. i have had them for a year and ia m getting sick of them.. but i don't know what kind i want to get,
i feel asleep in the rents bed last night with my cat. her and i both felt abandoned. i have never felt this way but i just feel so alone. and i don't know why. i was so unhappy today at work. i tried getting out of my eight hour shift. i didn't think i could work eight hours without going insane, but i did. i can't believe i have worked there for four years. it makes me sick thinking about it. i have only had three jobs in my life. thie first one was at the dollar store, i got fired form there. i called in sick and went out and got drunk and stoned. then dyed my hair and got my navel pierced. that was when iw as like 15-16. then a week later i got this job at the grocery store. while i was working there i also got a job at the post office pub. so i was working there mon-fri from 3-11pm while going to school full time. and working the grocery store on the weekends. i left the post office pub a month later. i walked out. i coiuld cook there any longer i would have killed one of my co workers or a couple.. now i just work at this grocery store and i hate it. today i had to listen to one of the managers telling me i should just forget about moving to ny and stay here. she kept on repeating it and i was getting so annoyed iw as not in the mood to listen to her lecture me on MY life. i have nothing in this town or state why stay here.. to make YOU fucking happy.. yeah okay, fucking cunt.
i have been trying to get back into writing my book but i can't seem to do it. i have the motivation when i am not around a notebook or computer and when i am i jsut want to sleep. i have it all planned out in my head as to how i want it to look... someone make me do it.. please... force me to do this.. or not..

much love
trin
xoxox
abused and used...
destroyed and hated
hated but loved
love to hate
tortured and forgotten
cared for but abandoned...

ugh why do i feel so abandoned... left behind... not cared for...
i need to go and do something to make myself happy.. i am gonna go make some cds. and have brian come over..