trillian

I would love to write something wonderful about how after my last post (my b-day) things have been on a pretty pink cloud and I am not close to falling. Unfortunately, that pretty pink cloud is not in exsistence right now and I am flying towards the earth at a very rapid pace. Fuck. I keep hoping 2006 will turn around but thus far.....

A person I care very very much about, James Cornell, was in a very bad accident while racing on the Isle of Man TT and is currently still in a coma out on the Isle. He seems to be improving but there is no way to tell when and if he will wake up. I need to accept the fact that James might not come home but I refuse to accept that because I cannot imagine my life without him in it. When I am not working, I am working on fundraising committees to help send him home and take care of his bills, it is looking to cost roughly $50k, yes, you read that right, just to get him transfered back to the states. (BTW, care to donate or want more info on this person? Click on the link) I have never been through anything this difficult in my life. I would give all of my earthly possessions, fuck that, anything in the world, just to know that he will wake up and he will be okay and he will still be James. I can handle feeling helpless but not this helpless. I have been trying to get out to the Isle to see him. I know I would be just as helpless there but it would make me feel better to hold his hand, kiss his forehead, just see him and be with him and since he is responding to voice stimulai, hope that maybe I could do something. Unfotunately, this is not an option right now due to the fact that I am BROKE AS FUCK. My boss, at my shitty low paying job, has decided to cut my hours, stating I am too stressed to work, though I do not see how he can say this since I have been doing my job just as good as ever, which means that not only can I not go out to see James, but I now have the stress of worrying if I am able to pay my rent. So now I am in the process of attempting to find another job (which I needed to do anyways but I hate scrambling to find something). Ugh. And not only am I dealing with all of this with James, I am still grieving for a friend who two weeks ago went down on his motorcycle on 101, and the bastard behind him ran him over because they were following to closely. He died instantly. Note to people: I and many of my friends ride motorcycles. Please, give us some space. Remember, it is much more dangerous for us than it is for you. The one nice thing, hell, the only nice thing about this entire sitation is the friendships that are blossoming in this time of crisis. While James and I were close, there were certain aspects of his life I did not want to intrude in, even though I was probably welcome to. Two of those were the San Francisco Motorcycle Club and the Vampires Motorcyle Club in which he is a member of both. I have never met a nicer more caring group of people. I count my blessings to be surrounded by these folk.

I do not know what is going to happen. I have learned the lesson that life is a fragile thing and you never know how much you love a person until you might not be able to ever express that to them. I know it may be cheesy but I stress to you all, if you love someone, tell them, screw all the fears that come along with it, whether it be friendship or more, that should not be held back. Until the next time:

WAKE UP JAMES!!!!!!!!!!