trials303

Hey you! Things sound good, that is so cool!!

Mister Slutty is working his ASS off right now! Which is good, he's getting a lot done, but it's tiring as hell.

Things with us are pretty cool right now......kind of tense, as I told him I have some things I need to ask him, but neither of us wants to talk about it because it's not fun. Just some things I feel like I need to know, to clear the air, so we can keep moving forward, ya know?

Other than that, having backyard summer fun with the kids, and figuring out what classes I want to take. Sooooo glad to hear things are so good with you and your girlie

Hi again Damn, that sucks about your previous job! Assholes. And be careful at that new job!

That is so sweet that you let Holly read your poems....and she loved them, that's even sweeter

Well, the Sluttyfamily is doing pretty good right now.....the man is pretty busy with work, but that's cool. And the kids and I have been really enjoying each other, which is great. If I think too much about everything that has happened, I can get pretty down, so I try to focus on the good stuff and move forward....but it's hard sometimes....

Thing seem to be going hot n' heavy and ALL GOOD with you and Miss Holly - glad to hear it my friend

That is good news to hear about you and Holly. Isn't that the best feeling? But scary at the same time because it is fragile. Life is fragile.

$pimpin' ain't easy$

hey doll,
I have deleted you comment. please be careful not to mention personal stuff on my journal. there is a very specific reason why. please don't give him the oppotunity to damage me in the divorce.

glad to hear about Holly.

Sounds good.....hope your not TOO hungover!

Hangovers suck. Makes you feel ALIVE!

I love snuggling while watching some guys ear getting cut off. Hope you guys have a good time.

We posted some pics. L8r.

hey hey - i'd never bootcha without a warning!

snuggling to res dogs? i like it...

wow. sounds like heaven.

i am pretty sure she will be cool. if you want it, there might be a chance of her falling into the relationship anyway... unbeknowced to you. Just wait, and kick it, she will play into your hands.

~the angel*
fucking flirt.

good for you man. glad to hear things went well with holly. maybe this is the start of something really really good.

Just re-read your post. It actually made me cry this time. I was right there with you, like watching a movie...Are women the greatest things on the planet or what? If I've learned anything through all of this shit I'm going through it's:

1. No one can hurt you like those that you love.

2. The deeper the love the deeper the hurt.

3. People will let you down.

Once you can just accept these things as facts of life, you can be free of the fear and go for it.

Wishing you the best with Holly and your new job. Your last job...fuck those guys.

Ok kids heres the update, get comfy its gonna be a long one.

Heres how the night started. She got here around 11pm, she knew we were gonna talk soooo when she pulled up and got out of her car, looking like the essence of beauty bottled mind you, she gave me a hug, except this time her hug wasnt heartfelt...i sensed it. I kinda went on the worry mission lol. I said you ok? She replied "yah im fine"....bullshit i knew she was lying. Statisically "im fine" is the one phrase women use the most in their life, true or not, most of the time its not true.

I said ok, well lets go inside and talk =) well we got into my room she sat on my bed, i sat in a chair. I asked her how her wedding went for her friend, she spent about 20 minutes explaining it, sounded lame. Even she had a bad time. I then asked her if she wanted to go to this neighborhood bar, Ali-Bi's, she agreed. We stopped at my old job to get smokes, saw my roommate cause he was working, even he saw that she wasnt happy. I was preparing myself for the worse when we left the store.

We got to the bar, i got her a vodka and cran, i myself had a white russian. We sat in the back area, away from the drunks singing Karaoke =P. The talk started, i opened it up. I was just like well, you know how i feel about you Holly, theres nothing i wouldnt do to be with you, she looked down for a minute. FUCK. She looks back up and lays it on me. She says: "Jason, i like you alot, more than i should." Great....

She then re-itterated the fact that right now she doesnt want a relationship, but wants to keep dating me to get to know me better. She also says that she can fully see a future with us, said shes even envisioned it. Cool, i guess. I reminded her that, if she didnt wanna continue to date or even think there would be a future then we can sincerely be good friends, she said she would love that, but thats not what she wants right now, just wants to date, get to know me better instead of jumping into a relationship which is all shes ever done and they've never lasted, she says she wants to do things right this time.

Ok, acceptable. I told her ya know, it really would hurt me if she started dating someone else as well. She then said Its not like im looking to date anyone else, i guess im the only guys shes done anything with or dated for the past year, BUT she also stated that neither one of us can tell if say tomorrow, the day after or a week from then one of us meets someone just as cool or whatever and start dating em, true. A motherfucking heartbreaker to hear her say that, but its the reality of it all really.

I told her, i refuse to date another person while im putting my effort into her, i absolutely will not do it. She said she isnt out looking to date people either but theres still the chance she may meet someone thats interesting even if shes not out looking for someone to date, i hate hearing that come from her.

Well, its settled, i told her: Ok so to clarify, we're dating? She said yah, but if you dont wanna put your effort forth i understand because i know you want a relationship right now and im just not comfortable yet, i need to do it right, get to know you better. Acceptable, painful but acceptable.

Dating.

I then told her the truth, said hey ya know, i really thought i was gonna lose you tonight, she said she had the same feelings to and thats why she wasnt all lovey dovey when she got out of her car, "didnt feel like hugging and kissing and stuff if this was gonna be the last night we were anything" she said.

I then said i feel relieved in a way she said her to and shes really happy that we can continue to date and see where it goes. Good i guess?

Well we just kinda chatted about small stuff the rest of the night ya know, like appreciating each other, saying how stoked we are its not over etc.

I asked her "Just a question, did this rack your brain at all since you been gone for a day from me and all, just curious." I was surprised she replied and said "Yes, the whole entire day and a half i was trying to figure out what to do, i thought about it constantly" I hope thats good lol.

Well we got comfortable again with that outta the way, kissed a few times, touching etc etc.
Bartender says its time to go......fuck 3 hours just blew the fuck by...quick.

We left she came back to my house. She came in we went downstairs to my room. Layed on the bed started cuddling, then kissing......by this time we're feeling each other, not touching wise i mean in tune with each other, i start kissing her neck, nibbling, ran my tongue across one side of her collarbone, to the other then started kissing the other side of her neck. I stopped myself, and said we should stop. She grabbed me and started kissing me, here we go. Started the whole kissing making out dry humping thing, then after about 20 minutes of that i said "Can i play with you?" She said yah, so........

I started undressing her, and her I. I went to go south and play with her but she kept pulling me up, never got to.

We continued the foreplay for a good 40 minutes. We took the remaining clothing articles off, my boxers, her thong/bra etc etc....I kept teasing her with....bah you guys dont get those details

We made love for 3 hours......it wa so fucking intense, it was and i will gladly admit the best sex ive ever had. We just flow so well together when making love, no off rhythm movements, everything was water. We finally both started tiring (especially my legs lol)cand i kissed her passionately. I layed there on top of her and we just stared into each others eyes, smiling. It was excellent.

I asked if she wanted some water, she said yah so i went upstairs and got her some, when i got back she was asleep Well i woke her and said heres your water sleeping beauty ill brb i gotta use the restroom. It then dawned on me....wheres the condom? Oh fuck, it was gone......i told her hey....the condom is gone....but she had already "taken care of it" i asked where it was, she just said i dont wanna know.

I went to the restroom got back and she was dressed, she needed to go home. I walked her out, in the course of walking her out we kissed, hugged deeply quite a bit. Gave her my old cellphone to use since i have no use for it, Just got a new one today, so now she has a cell, she got in her car i kissed her under the most beautiful fucking skyline ever, No clouds, im a mile high here in denver so the stars were fucking blazing, absolutely beautiful.

Thats my night guys,let me know what you think if please shed some light on the her just wanting to date me for now thing, it kinda scares me maybe i just dont get it?

Mysluttyfamily, thanks for leaving the replies, you guys doing better? let a brotha know

I read what you wrote to my husband - *ouch* But, he deserves it....

He came home from work the other morning, telling me he talked to the girl and told her they couldn't continue as friends at all anymore and couldn't hang out, and he really wanted us to give our relationship and this family a shot. The problem is, I didn't know that he was continuing to hang out with his girl as much as he was, and so the news that he had to tell her again that they needed to stop hanging out so much was a betrayal all over again. I don't understand how he could do that, knowing how much it hurt me, and don't know if I ever will. It makes me want to run away from the hurt, and forget the family I want to keep together so badly.

Edited to get rid of pathetic drivel tyring to explain why my husband was acting like a selfish immature asshole. Thank you, and God I'm such a pathetic idiot.

[Edited on Jul 15, 2004 9:08PM]

I say you need a 40 oz of something else! yanawwhatimsain!
If she wants a relationship she will except you as you are. These kind of things happen. There is nothing you can do about it. Sometime people are jerks. BUT.... Life goes on. Even if she doesn't want a relationship, or want to further the relationship then there's nothing you can do about it. So best of luck..........

And I was so consumed with all my CRAP that I forgot to say; That sucks that they fired you!!!!!! I hope you find a new job soon, let me know how it goes.

[Edited on Jul 15, 2004 2:37AM]

i am so sorry that they fired you.

that is why I work for family owned businesses instead of corperations, they are more personal.

I have to find a job too dude, I am moving back home out of Venice and I am in the same boat. No pay check = no good to be me. Good luck.

You will kick ass.... and I LOVE skinny white guys. Hmm.
~the angel*

trust is difficult. I wish I could tell you something helpful.

But I myself battle that issue everyday, only because my parents betrayed my trust so young - my theropist says that I do not actually have a concept of what trust IS so that is why I cannot do it. Great.

I guess my point is, at least you had it because you can recognize it when you get it back.
I am just fucked.
~the angel* have a good day.

Hey you're cute. !