trexy

So how about a real update eh?
I'm currently stuck living with my parents again.It was only supposed to be for a short time, but its been a month, and the way my lucks been falling into place, I'm not leaving anytime soon.

Money is a horrible, horrible thing. I was so close to getting out of here, then picked up a habit, befriended some not so nice people, got lost in the mess, and now I have to catch up. I have so many bills to pay off, so many debts to my parents and friends, its amazing how a 19 year old can owe so much money.

I hate my friends. They all care about one thing and one thing only. Themselves. Well, I shouldn't be so harsh. Their are a select few that are good people. Thats what I need. Good people.

Boys are still a foreign language to me. I fell so hard for one, but lost it. And for some reason every morning I still wake up with him on my mind, and fall asleep with him in my heart. We were so close to having each other back, and then our minds took over our hearts. As much as I dream of it, I know we have to wait. You can't rush things, but I fucking hate waiting.

The bar is the worst place in the world. Not just any bar, but THE bar. The one that I just wasted so much of my time slowing destroying myself at. The bar that destroyed me and Nick. The bar that took my money. The bar that ruined my spirit. Ha, I had a lot of fun, until I realized it was slowly taking over my life.

I've smartened up a lot in the past week or two. I'm realizing who my friends are, and how to put things back into place. I still have yet to figure out why I fucked everything up, when everything was nearly perfect.

Me and my girlfriends took a day trip to Rhode Island that turned into me spending nearly a thousand dollars.







We had a lot of fun. Got there at 1am, got wasted, went and saw the sunrise at the beach. It was 40 degrees, and we thought it would be a good idea to go swimming in the ocean without clothes on.
Yeah, we were drunk until 9pm that night. Headed home, and my car broke down in Massachusettes, so I had to pay for all of us to stay in a hotel. Me and one of the girls left, and we came back to an empty room. The other girls ditched us, and they didn't have a car. We were 2 hours from home. Yeah. I have no idea.

Thats about it.
Well, not really, but all that I feel like typing.
And Nick.. if you read this.

I'll wait until you tell me its okay to look at sunflowers the same way.

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and this... this is my new theme song
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Well I'll wake up around 4:05.
Eat, shower, and get dressed in about an hour's time.
Take my vitamins, check my messages, and call around to some friends,
make plans for dinner and drinks sometime after 9:00.
We're definately going to call it in early tonight.
Well, I need to dry out and take some time to clear my mind.
Now before you know it here I am again, it's fucking 2:00 in the morning,
standing in a bar, with a drink in hand.

How low can you go before you can't turn around?

Now seriously, this is my last and final time.
Well I'm making some big, big changes in my life.
No, you won't catch me down here again, waiting to score sweaty money palmed into my hand.
What the fuck are you cutting this with anyway?
Because I have got some really, really big plans.
And today's the day I'm putting them into action.
But before you know it, here I am again. It's fucking 6:00 in the morning.
Rolled up dollar bill in my hand.

How low can you go before you can't turn around?

And I'm sick of feeling like I'm losing my mind.
Sick of doing the same things night after night.
Sick of self-loathing and self-absorbtion,
self-destructive narcissism.
I'm sick to death of being constantly fucking sick of.

I don't know who I can trust.
Thought there was us, now there is no one.
-Against Me-- How Low-
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Wow..this is long.
If someone actually reads this,
I'd give them a high 5.