trevallion

Today has been one of my most hassle free trips to the Bay Area...aside from almost being late to check in to my flight because the parking shuttle dude took forever. Owning an iPod makes travelling so much less stressful. Instead of being all annoyed by all the people around I can just rock out in my own little world. I'm so glad I finally bought one.

I'm so stoked about starting to play the guitar. I've been thinking about it all week. I ended up ordering one from guitar center's website, but it's not going to ship until the 5th . I tried to buy one in person, but after nosing through the store for a bit I found out that they didn't have any left handed guitars at all, except maybe for some crappy super cheap low end ones. It's a freakin huge store too! I hate the subtle discrimination that comes with being left handed.

I feel like something got knocked loose in my brain recently. I've been pretty introspective about the things I don't like about myself and what I can do to change them...at some point during my post breakup introspection phase I came to this astounding realization. It felt like all the tumblers in my head just came together and unlocked all at once.

I've lived most of my life being passive, complacent, and non confrontational. Now, it might seem easy to just say "hey, don't be those things!", but it's hard not to be those things when you don't know what's preventing you from not being such a knot on a log. Part of that unlocking process I described was what exactly keeps me from giving a shit, and the answer is simple: passion. Not the sleazy romance novel kind of passion mind you, but the drive to do something with my life. That's what I've been missing from my life, and oddly enough the thing that helped me realize what I was missing was the one thing I am passionate about, and that's music. Hence my desire to learn guitar and maybe make a little of my own some day. I don't want to do this corporate crap for the rest of my life. I wanna rock. I've always had the idea that I'd be in a band or something some day, but I kept telling myself that I'd suck, or just plain make up excuses as to why I shouldn't try it. Plus there was the shyness (thank god for karaoke for helping me get over that some) No more excuses. It's time to stop fucking around.

Remember how I was telling you guys about my recent discovery of The Pixies? The specific song that unlocked my brain was Dig for Fire. Now I'm not sure if my interpretation is exactly what good old Frank had in mind when he wrote the song, but it works for me and I'm going to share it with you because I'm in the sharing kind of mood. The part where he says "Are you looking for the motherload? No my child, this is not my desire. I'm diggin for fire." That's what did it. For my adult life I've been looking for some easy way to make good money (aka "the motherload") instead of trying to do something that I can enjoy and be passionate about (aka "digging for fire"). I've never been hit by song lyrics like that before...it just makes so much sense.

I'm sure this didn't make a heaping load of sense to most of you guys and I'm really just rambling at this point, but if you read this far then congratulations! You've just had a peek inside my brain. It feels good to air it out.