trekka

This blog is probably going to consist of a lot of babbling, just a heads up. But I'll try to toss some pictures at ya too.

Love life update:
Last I told you, Brando bailed on our coffee date. Not that it was a date per say, just a meeting. He had promised me a minimum of 30 minutes to let me get out whatever I needed to get some closure so that I could properly move on. And in stead of holding up his end of the deal, he completely backed out of coffee. He told me he was "busy" but the fact of the matter is, if he really wanted to do this for me, he would have found 30 goddamn minutes for me. In the conversation in which he told me he was "too busy" he even went as far to say "Well, I moved on without having a face to face conversation." Well, good for you, champ.

Oh yeah, and he hasn't talked to me since.

So where this has left little old me, is that I am pissed and frustrated and sad and hurt and above all closure-less. That last one hurts the most. That's the one that kills me in the quiet, lonely moments of my days. I was determined to say how I felt to him and he led me to believe I would receive that closure. No no no. he didn't only lead me to believe it, he promised it to me. Fuck that.

What's my next move?

Well, I'm supposing my next move is to move on. But how do I do that without closure? Well, I saw my therapist today because things have been.... well.... really bad for me lately. Thoughts of leaving this earth, not only over this situation but over everything, have been recurring and that's when I know it's time for me to talk to someone. So, I talked to my therapist about EVERYTHING. On the topic of B, she helped me decide to write him a letter. Now, this isn't exactly how I saw it going down, but I need to get the things I wanna say to him out of my head somehow and if he's going to be an asshole, it looks like this is my only option. For some reason, I'm having a hard time writing out all my thoughts to him. It'd be so much easier if I could just say it to his face. Fuck.

In the rest of my love life....

I have a couple guys after me right now, which is sort of nice, but sort of annoying at the same time. One of them is one of the party rock boys and the other lives about 40 minutes away from me up in the hills and thinks his shit doesn't stink. Neither of these guys are really my type really. I mean, they are both musicians and artists and are super interesting but... I don't know. My head is just NOT in that game right now. Everyone is telling me to date and have fun. But, it just doesn't sound fun to me right now. I am ready for a prince charming to just come and sweep me off my feet or some shit. The whole dating thing just feels tedious.

Work update:
Nothing super new really to report except that the holidays are coming up and I cannot wait for the madness that is holiday shopping. I'm sure I'll take that back after a week of it, but honestly.. I'm really pretty good at my job which makes it all sort of fun! So, I'm kind of looking forward to pushing my limits there and seeing what I can achieve. It will sure be interesting! Also, this week I'm going to try to go check out the Art Institute and see about what kind of financial aid I qualify for. I really want to get the ball rolling on this whole design thing so that I can hurry up and get out of dodge...

If I -do- become a designer for Vans here in the next couple years, I will get t move to southern California, which would be a nice change. I feel like around every corner here in Sacramento, there is the shadow of a memory that brings me a lot of sadness. It would be fantastic if I could run away from this box of ghosts that is my home town. And moving would bring me so much opportunity. I just need to be patient and get the school work done so I can move on to bigger and better things!

Dermal update:
This is a picture of it today:

You can see some very light bruising around it, but other than that, it's healing just fine! I have yet to snag it on anything or bump it or anything and it seems pretty happy about that. I am really in love with it! My new piercer, Chris, says when I'm ready he'll do a bunch more for me at a good price because I was so fun to pierce. "No one laughs more than you in my chair!" <--- exact quote from Chris. Ha! I'm not sure where else I'd get them though. Maybe a tear drop???? Hmmmmm I'll have to think on it.

Halloween
...was kind of a bust this year. Didn't do anything. Like, I literally did nothing. I didn't even watch any good scary movies or anything. I just haven't been able to shake this melancholy for long enough to partake in any "fun" activities. I really need to snap out of it soon. I took some cute pics though!





Rat news:
Unfortunately, I feel the day rapidly approaching where I will have to put my sweet Dita to sleep. You may remember from one of my previous blogs that she has a GIANT mammary tumor. She's been eating and drinking normally, playing with her sister Zoe, running in her wheel, EVERYTHING normally. But she is finally starting to have a hard time getting up and down the levels of their cage. I really don't know what to do because I just love her so much. And I just cannot justify killing her if she is still doing everything normally and not suffering. But, how long do I watch this tumor grow? Ugh... It just saddens me so much.
Look at this beautiful face!

And I keep wondering what life will be like for her sister Zoe without Dita around. I mean, I'll obviously play with her more and I'm thinking about getting her a giant ball to run around my room in once Dita is gone. I want to make sure she is staying occupied and happy. But I don't know what the grieving process is for rats. I have had lots of other pets and have watched cats and dogs go through heartbreaking processes of not having their companion. But, this is my first set of rats so I just am not sure what to expect. I'm sure my Zoe will be just fine as long as she gets lots of play time.


RANDOMS:
the weather has been amazing. Dammit I love California

I've even been able to drink my coffee outside!

Speaking of coffee, Starbucks holiday cups are here! Yaaaaay!

On Halloween, I filled my Jeep up and it was $60.66 which is kinda like 666, which I thought was cool. lol

I tried to take a picture of how cute my hair was yesterday for Halloween but, it whited me out and you can ONLY see my hair which is sort of awesome. Look how bright my hair is right now!

LOL As if THIS is what will make people go to Carls Jr:

I came out of my bedroom to find a slaughtered giraffe:

The culprit:

I met a caterpillar today


Random funny Tumblr things:






Ok, that's all for today! I hope this wasn't terribly boring. I had to get some thoughts out and I hope I did it eloquently enough to not drive ya crazy. You all have been so supportive and wonderful and I love you so so so so much. More happier updates to come in the near future. I feel it!