trekka

My girl friend, Katie dyed my hair ALL purple for me the other day! Well, last week some time. I am in love with it. Like IN LOVE.




Katie is an amateur photographer with a really nice camera and she's "been inspired" by me a lot lately she says. So, I think some time this week we'll take some pictures for fun. The weather has been nice so maybe we'll go to a park and take some shots just for kicks or something. I told her I demand tree climbing! So, there should be some of that! And that's always fun.

Also, things are back on, but in slow-mo, with the Johnny guy. He's really a good man and is inspiring and I think I was being a little overly-sensitive about some things.So I'm giving it another shot with him. We're sort of dating again, but I don't know what that means. I've been out of the Dating Scene for so long that I don't know what it all means anymore! lol Or maybe I need to stop tryingto define everything and just go with the flow and let things happen or not happen.

I need to learn to let go of a lot of things in my life. People, ideas, fantasy, inaccurate perceptions... The list goes on. And that's just part of life. I just wasn't taught how to "let go" ever in life so I'm now struggling as a 25 year old to teach myself and it's fucking hard. And know what else? It sucks. Hard. But, I believe I can do it. I know I can. It may be one of those "fake t til you make it" kind of things. I just need the drive to take the first step and do it!

I haven't been drawing much yet, which displeases me. In the back of my head, I still have the inspiration from Hell City, when I met Chet Zar and watched him create. But for reasons unknown, I'm lacking in the motivation department. I got some new pencils and a new sketch pad and everything! But I sit there, pencil in hand, staring at the paper, and instead of my mind tapping into my imagination, I sit with worry and stress reeling in my head. I cannot create when those monsters are stomping around in my brain. Maybe I need to just start putting faces to those monsters and drawing them! I will try that. What I'm getting at though, is that it's not coming as easily as I once thought it would. But nothing in life is easy, right? Sometimes not even the things we are good at.

I really need to let go of the idea that anything "should" be easy. If it were all easy, we wouldn't appreciate it, right? Or something...

I have some fun plans for the next few days that involve the boy. I'm going home with him tonight and am going to spend the next couple days with him. I really enjoy the time we spend together with all the playing with the dogs and late night frozen yogurt and the deep conversation. There are talks of us going up to the mountains for a day and possibly hiking around and catching some sunshine, so it should be a good time. Hopefully take some sweet pictures with his camera. We'll see. He and I got into a deep conversation about utilitarianism the other night, so I'm hoping for more of that. WHen I have real conversations with people it gets my wheels turning and I like that. I feel like my gears have been jammed for a while so it's a nice change. SO, I am ready to spend the next couple days enjoying life and seeing where this thing is going. But, again, in slow mo.

Patience: Another thing I was never taught and am now trying my damnedest to learn.

I hope this blog doesn't come off as mopey or anything, because I'm really not! I'm just running into a lot of road blocks lately and instead of avoiding them and going around them, I'm trying to learn how to get through them and hopefully, with my head held high.

I can do this.

Thanks for letting me vent or whatever all this nonsense is. This blog is sort of my only diary right now and sometimes it feels better to get these thoughts out onto a medium.

I wish I had more pictures to share with you guys like I usually do! My camera has been on the fritz so unfortunately I haven't been documenting as much as I'd like to. Hopefully that will change soon!

I hope all is well with all you guys! I apologize for not staying as up to date on the writing AND the reading of blogs as usual. I just feel like I'm in a haze lately. But, I'll be out of it soon! And I miss a lot of you too. We haven't been talking as much as we used to and I am certainly at fault for that. But know that I love you guys and am thinking of you! Hopefully more updates coming soon.. with pictures even!


X's and O's like you wouldn't believe!