"I will not be told what to do, I shall not step aside!"
Lol I fucking love this goddamn song sooo much. It's my rager song, hardcore. lol It's also one of my personal favorites to dance to while driving. Good times.
Ok, so I have been promising a lengthly blog about Hell City and various other topics and I have been deathly ill with strep throat and haven't felt like doing much. But, I'm finally healed of the evil strep bug and I am ready to go to town on a blog. I know the majority of you won't -read- it, but that's ok. I need to write it all out for me anyhow so... yeah. lol Here it goes... Grab your reading glasses, this is gonna be a long one! O-O
Hell City
First I'll tell you about my experience and then I'll toss some pictures your way.
Hell City was the single best event I have ever been to in my 25 years of existence. Like, I shit you not. It was full of epicness. I don't know really even how to put it into words to help you understand how incredible it all was, it's almost something you just have to experience yourself to fully understand it. I met some really incredible people, SG's, artists, etc. It was an amazing feeling to be in a mass of people that are like you and you get to just be yourself. I am soooo not doing it justice with my words.... shit. Maybe it's too early in the AM for me to be doing this... hahaha!
Basically, what I'm getting at, is that it was the best weekend of my life thus far. There were a couple minor road blocks, that I will talk about later in this blog, but for the most part, it was filled with pure joy,
Pictures!
leavin on a jet plane
we didn't get to sit together, but Thanatogenous sat right in front of me and we spent a lot of time like this: Aldremech picked us up at the airport and we immediately went to the grocery store to stock up the kitchen in our villa with the essentials (i.e. booze and bacon. whatever. lol)
Finally we arrived at the beautiful Biltmore!!!
We pretty much just hung out that first day, just drinking and exploring the grounds of the resort. I met Luscious who may be the coolest chick I've ever met, and Sunshine who was very welcoming, as well as several other girls who were pretty sweet.
That night we blew up our inflatable shark and Nessy and brought a bunch of little toy water guns to the pool. We had a blast just meeting to people and playing and being heavily intoxicated. Hahaha!
Here are a couple remnants of that night
In the morning we feasted
Yes, that is a sheet of bacon.
Friday, me and Thanatogenous went over to the convention. Isn't she CUTE?!?
The weather was hot as a motherfucker, but dammit if Arizona isn't beautiful
yup, this giant chess set exists and it is glorious
Various things seen at the convention:
(I met Chet Zar, more on that later)
Fuck the Biltmore was beautiful
That night we went to the pool again and this is all my phone could manage to capture. lol
Saturday I got sexy for the convention just for kicks:
speaking of kicks, I wore my combat boots with this outfit. it was pretty hot, just sayin.
Also Saturday, Thana got her tattoo worked on in her adorable AMERICAAAA bikini lol
I did a lot of wandering around by myself this day, just talking to cool new people and checking out the art scene.
I also spent a lot of time just taking in the beauty
Well after about 6 1/2 hours, miss Thanatogenous' tattoo was complete and it is gorgeous like her!
Bad ass, right?! Fuck yea!
I wish I had taken more photos, but I didn't. I was pretty buzzed the whole time and wasn't really thinking about it. I wish I had a better camera, then I probably would have taken more pictures. But, I had a blast with Thana, obviously, and aldremech and miss Blanch.
I was thoroughly impressed with the sheer beauty of Arizona. I don't think I'll be able to stay away long. So, everyone, learn to swim and I'll see you down in Arizona bay
The life changing experience that will forever be remembered as Chet Zar
Maybe I should spoiler this. This shit is loooooong. haha!
I have loved to draw, color, paint, doodle since I was very small. I was an only child, which may not seem like that big of a deal to some. But what it meant for me was that I needed to find ways to entertain myself. It also meant that I needed an escape from all the stress that came along with my life. The escape and entertainment I found was art. But as a child, I didn't create much more than little scribblings or finger paintings and such, but doing it made me happy. So I had accomplished that much!
When I was in about 7th grade, my mom enrolled me in a drawing class at a local children's art school that I went to a few times and really enjoyed but I didn't continue with it for reasons I have forgotten now, over a decade later. I continued to draw but I tended to fall more on music when I needed to get away. I started vocal lessons and that's where I landed for a bit in my junior high years.
Flash forward to freshman year of high school when one of my electives was art with Mr. (Myron) Stephens. I had no idea what I was getting myself into at the time... I knew I wanted to learn more about art techniques and the history of particular styles etc. Little did I know that this class and, more specifically, this teacher would change the way I look at art forever.
Mr. Stephens, in the 4 years I had classes with him, including advanced art classes, I learned more than I ever knew about art. He taught me about the dangers of "Girl Art" (picture maybe a kitten playing with yarn) and of "Boy Art" (perhaps a muscle car). I learned about a variety of techniques, developing personal style while still staying true to form. He taught me that nothing is ever just ONE color, as light reflects many colors off every item. He taught me how to read a painting and to interpret what each artist/author might have been trying to portray.
Single handedly, Myron Stephens ignited the fire in my heart for art. True art.
Not to sound braggy, but I was even told by him as well as others that my art was fabulous and that I showed a lot of promise. Finally, there was something I was good at!
I continued with painting and colored pencils a little after high school but then life happened and rained on my parade. Around the age of 18 is when things really started changing in my world and art fell to the waist side while I struggled with family issues, money problems, bills, rent, drama, and naivete. I spent some time learning how to be an adult in the real world and unfortunately art slipped through the cracks for me.
When I was about 20 years old, the band Tool entered stage left in my world. Of course Tool had been around MUCH longer, but I was just getting to know them and their music. The more I listened to the music and interpreted the lyrics, the more I wanted to create again. The fabulous Chet Zar did a lot of artwork with them, particularly in the video Vicarious which, when I saw it is truly when I was at the point of wanting to create again.
I started on some drawing here and there, some scribbles of things, small paintings of nothing in particular. I wanted to draw to tell stories but dammit something was missing. Chet Zar made me want to pour my soul out onto a canvass but something was blocking me. The levee was in place. But I continued to study his technique and sort of model my paintings after that, but I could never really compose what I really wanted.
"Wanting" to paint and create is entirely different than being "inspired" to do so. This is important to understand.
Flash even further forward to present day. I am 25 and I've been desperately needing an outlet for my creativity. I have been dabbling with photography which I am in love with, but I don't have a great camera so it can only go so far. I've even contemplated taking photography classes or something like that. But still, there has been a craving for paint that I have not been able to satisfy. The inspiration has just been... well, lacking.
This last weekend I attended a tattoo festival called Hell City in Phoenix, Arizona. Leading up to this trip, I was amazingly excited just for the vacation aspect of it and then a couple days before we left I found out that Chet Zar would be attending this festival. And not only would he be attending but he was going to be part of a showcase of various artists who would be painting on display. My heart skipped a beat. The artist who made me want to create was going to be at the same festival as me!! I told myself that this was going to be the inspiration I have been lacking in my artistic life. I was going to get to watch Chet paint!
When my friends and I arrived to The Biltmore Resort where the festival was being held, we had a bit of a wait in the lobby. Ashley had mailed a package to the hotel to avoid checking a bag at the airport and the people behind the counter were having a difficult time locating it so her and I spent about 20 minutes just sitting in the lobby. While we were sitting there I saw a man that intrigued me.
I kept staring at him while he wasn't looking. "Is that Chet Zar?" I kept asking myself. Over and over. Butterflies were in my stomach. "Is that really my idol just 10 feet away from me?" I got goosebumps. As soon as he walked away, I got on my fancy little iPhone and searched Chet Zar on the internet. Hundreds of photos of his artwork appeared, which I was already quite familiar with obviously and then there it was: a photo of Chet Zar the artist. And guess what? THAT WAS HIM! He was standing 10 feet away from me for a solid amount of time but I said NOTHING to him. Did I miss my chance? My chance to express to him how much his art meant to me?
The next day, the festival began and so our group went over to the ballroom where it was being held to buy our passes and check out what all there was to see. We walked by tons of fabulously talented tattoo artists, met some cool people and just took it all in. Well, I wanted to see where Chet Zar was set up so I could maybe catch another glimpse of him and maybe buy one of his books or something. So we walked over to Chet's stand and guess what? He was standing right there!
I smiled and introduced myself and told him how much his work meant to me and gushed like a little kid meeting Superman. I shook the man's hand for gods sake! I hadn't brought my money at that particular time so it wasn't until later that I went back to buy one of his books and a pendant that portrayed an image one of his more famous works of art. Sure enough, while I was over there, he came back and I really talked his ear off about how inspirational him and Tool have been in my artistic world and how artwork is so under appreciated and blah blah blah. Well, finally I asked him if he would sign the book I bought. The book isn't just of Chet's work, it's of a museum show that is going on in Florida of several artists. It's called "Cute and Creepy", if you have a mind to check it out.
Anyhow, Chet happily agreed to sign my book. He cracked it open and on the inside cover he proceeded to draw a skull in addition to signing it to me. No one knows this (until right now if you're reading this) but I got choked up while I watched him do this. He could have just been a regular artist and scribble his signature, but he took the time to make it out to ME (with my name spelled correctly, I might add) and he drew me something!!! He then also agreed to take a picture with me where he looks fantastic and I look like a dorky fangirl. Haha! I told him it was the equivalent of someone meeting Van Gogh, which probably sounded crazy but is entirely accurate in my head. I thanked him probably more than was necessary and I left him to it.
I looked at Jay and I said, "This is it! I want to paint NOW!" I was itching to paint the way a smoker craves a cigarette! But it didn't end there.
A couple hours later, he set up his station and began to paint. I watched every single step of that painting. The layering, the shadows, all of it. I watched a blank canvass turn into a piece of art over a span of two days and let me tell you...
The levee just flat out broke! I was finally truly and utterly inspired to create.
I have a really great idea for a series of painting that I want to work on that is a little dark and twisted, but beautiful, which is generally how I like my art. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's my favorite blend. And this all came to me while I watched him do his thing. I got to watch the artist that made me want to paint, paint! It literally still gives me goosebumps and that is not an exaggeration.
I will never be able to thank Chet enough for this gift he has given me. The gift of inspiration. All I can do is save up some money for some canvasses and paint and get back to it. I need to produce this series of paintings that I have in mind and the sooner the better. At last, my soul is in touch with my artistic hand. And I could not be happier about this.
So hopefully, I'll be able to start cranking out some quality paintings that I will be able to share with you and the world. But in this moment, my artful fire is being fueled and I couldn't be more elated with that. Sick or not, today I want to start sketching out a few ideas I have rolling around in my head and I absolutely cannot wait to immerse my soul in paint!
Thank you Chet for raining hard enough on me with your genius artistry to break my internal levee.
Thanks to anyone who reads this, I just had to get this out. Hopefully pictures of my work will follow shortly.
Where do I stand with SG?
The age-old question.
What this site once meant to me and what it exists as now are two entirely different things and that bothers me. This used to be a place for women of all colors, shapes, and sizes to express not only their uniqueness, but their unexpected inner AND outer beauty. It represented our liberation. Our "break the mold" mentality. And I loved it for that.
But, SG has turned into high school for me and that really bugs the shit out of me. Even at Hell City, no, ESPECIALLY at Hell City, it was really segregated. THe "cool kids" in one area of the pool/convention/whatever and us "outsiders" wondering what the fuck is going on. I will admit, I am not a very outwardly social person. I keep to myself for the most part and am friendly to new people I meet, etc. But, at Hell City, when I was actually making an effort to meet and socialize with some of the girls, I got the vibe that I was like not allowed to be speaking to them. Like I wasn't worthy. There were several girls who were super amazing and sweet to me, like Toxic and Luscious and a few others, but the rest sort of brushed me off like I didn't exist.
Just. Like. High school.
*shrug*
I think a lot of it is my fault. I don't play the social class games. It's not me. It never has been and it surely never will be. But, I guess I just expected more. I expected the SGs to be a little more warm to a Hopeful like me, but I just don't fit in to their crowd. :/ It was a real bummer, I'm not gonna lie.
I don't want to make it sound like anyone was rude or unkind or anything like that. ALL of those women are drop dead gorgeous and fun and sweet, but for whatever reason, I just was not truly welcomed.
I still want to meet more people and be a part of SG, because I think there is still a crowd of people who believe in SG for what it once was. but I do fear that I will never go pink, because I don't fit into their mold. I'm still going to work on me and continue my efforts to go pink one day. But, I guess I just want to do it by being ME. Not by pretending to be someone I'm not so that I can fit in with the "popular girls". Because the fact of the matter is, I will never fit in with those girls. It's not me. All I can do is hope that I can shine as myself and one day make it there. I dunno, maybe I'm just spewing nonsense right now.
I will always love SG for what it was meant to be from the start and I can hope that it goes back to its roots and celebrates even us little outsiders someday.
I do not think ANYTHING bad about SG, though I am astonished at some of the recent decisions that have been made about the staff photographers. I think SG's roots are phenomenal and what I believe in to my core and I think there are a lot of women who believe in that. I know everyone is just doing their best and who am I to ask for anything more than that? SG is the shit and always will be, I'm just hoping for some minor changes.
New boy is no longer my new boy
I think I'm done dating the sexy beast that is Johnny. I don't want to go into great detail of what went down, but he basically made me feel like shit about EVERYTHING. He criticized my weight, my hair, my piercings, the way I interpret things, my soul... I do NOT need that shit. I don't care how big a dude's dick is, it'll never be worth all that bull shit. Haha! He made me feel really small and insignificant and at this stage in my life, I deserve soooooooo much better. I need someone who can make me feel special. Johnny did not do that. I think deep down he's a good man, but he needs to sort some shit out in his life, for realllllllllz.
Bye bye, awesome sex. Hopefully I can find you in a new man. lol
So what now?
Good question. What is next for Hurricane Trekka?
I think for now, I'm working on toning up my body and just working my cute little ass off at work! I really want to become a manager at my Vans store eventually, so basically I just want to KICK BUTT and meet my sales goals and show my bosses that I have what it takes. So work is going to be my number one focus right now I think.
I have some plans to change my hair up a little bit, which I'll probably do this week so I'll just surprise you with pictures.
Also, I have been talking to Boomie about expanding my chest tattoo BIG time and I cannot wait to make that happen. We're thinkin next month it should be doable. so YAAAAAAAY!
I'd still like to work with some photographers on shooting a new few new sets. I want to do something a little more artsy and true to ME.
THIS WAS A LONG BLOG and thanks if you actually read it all! I had to get some shit out of my head and onto a computer screen before my brain exploded. Hahaha!
Sorry if this seemed like a jumbled up mess of nonsense. I'm still kinda sick and drained and I think maybe some things didn't come out as eloquently as they could have. But you know me. Scatter-brained and without a filter. Haha. Always a pleasant mix.
Well, I'm off to go bust my ass off at work! Have a fabulous day and I hope none of this came off bitchy or anything. Just sharing some crazy thoughts, ya know?
