Thursday Feb 10, 2011

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Why wouldn't I be awake at 4am?! *eyeroll*

Anyways, because I am, in fact, awake at 4 am, I figured it'd be a good opportunity for my brain to vomit on my computer screen. YAAAAAY! Brain puke! My favorite!!

EW! Oh my god! Rapid side note: I've been sitting cross-legged... NO! Wait! I'm going to be momentarily NOT politically correct and I'm gonna say that I've been sitting "Indian-style" because it's true! Anyways, I have been sitting like that for like I dunno 15 minutes and my right foot up to my thigh is soooo hardcore asleep right now. It's the kind that's completely beyond tingling pins and needles... it's DEAD. As in, I just picked it up with my hand and dropped it- no reaction. It just flopped. lol And I have to pee soooooo bad and I have no way of getting there without walking! Cuz I can't balance right...HAHA! I'm literally about to army-crawl to the bathroom so I can pee.

...........................

So ok, that was one moment that I wish there were cameras in my apartment documenting my every move. lol That would have been so outrageously entertaining for someone who was not me! I literally army-crawled to the bathroom and by the time I finished peeing, my foot was back to norm and I just strutted right back out to the living room as if nothing had happened. HAHAHA Oh dear baby Jesus....

Where should I beginnnn......?

Another one bites the dust. I suck at friendships...

Ya know, it's funny how things happen in life sometimes..... most of the time. lol But, as most of you know, I have been an emotional wreck lately. Between quitting my job and losing a dear friend as a result, I have been kinda low. Feeling worthless. Feeling like a failure. ... While I DO NOT FOR ONE SECOND regret quitting my job, I am bummed that I ruined a friendship by doing so. Well, I lost my friend because I talked about it. Which I still don't fully understand. I expose pretty much like 80% of my life because that's the way I work. My mouth thinks it has to say everything that pops into my head.

Remember the "I have no filter" thing?

Yeah, that's basically why I lost my friend.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Because I feel zero need to hold back anything I am thinking or that I feel. Which is why I have no clue how I'm even supposed to attempt to mend the relationship. Because that will NEVER change about me. This friend sent me a text saying that she would always care about me, which made me feel a little better. But since then, I have sent a couple texts trying to reach out, but she doesn't reply. And suddenly, a couple people on here that I was friends with are not replying to my text either. So that's super snazzy. They were her friends first though, and I know that's how shit always seems to go down.

At this point I don't know what to do. I guess I just have to let it lie. I need to stop spinning my wheels if there's nothing to tread on.

Because at this point, it is only bringing me pain and anguish that I am completely out of control of the situation. I cannot fix something that is content being broken. And I guess she's content with where things are at with us. So, I have to just accept that she was a wonderful person in my life, and I hope, over time, time, maybe it can be revived.

And there we go! I have ruined my relationship with one of my few real life [i.e. not just internet] friends! *forehead smack*



Just when you think to yourself, "Wow Trekka! Your life sucks!" something fabulous and incredibly humbling happens...

I don't like talking about money. Like seriously, as I started typing this part of my blog, I got soooo nauseous and my heart rate has gone up dramatically. So I'm gonna make this super short and sweet.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)


Because I quit said job and a bunch of other things that were out of my control, I was in a really tight spot financially. I was reaching my deadline for rent and I was short... WELL over half of it. I was already an emotional wreck from a bunch of bullshit and this was honestly the last thing I needed to deal with. I was shaking, sweating (the way I do when I have a panic attack) and I could not get ahold of myself. I just couldn't. And Brando had a bunch of stuff come up so he couldn't help me and it was just this giant cluster-fuck of lack of money.

My hero, my best friend, came to my rescue. From across the damn country. biggrin Without making me feel small or guilty (which, the guilt just comes naturally me, there's no stopping it. lol But she didn't MAKE me feel that way) she loaned me the money. Plopped it right into my PayPal.

I started crying. I have never in my life had the kind of friend who would do something like that for me. EVER. And while her money to get my rent paid was my life-line, She was the ship that saved me and carried me to safety. I am going to be paying her back as I get the money over the next month or so, but I will never feel like I have paid her back fully. She is an incredible human being and I am sooooo lucky to have her as a friend. whatever HUMBLED.

EDIT: I honestly have this incredible urge to do something amazing for her to repay her. I mean, once I have REPAID her. lol But not just for doing me this favor, but for opening my eyes to how real and how true she is. If I thought she was awesome before, it just multiplied by infinity. smile But for also showing me that there are STILL good people out there. And I don't just mean, good on the surface, because we all know there are plenty of those. But good to the core. I have more faith in humanity now. smile



People take my picture when I'm naked...

I have a couple photo shoots planned over the next couple months that I am suuuuuuuper excited for!!! biggrinbiggrinbiggrin

I have one that is non SG related that is sort of a semi-spur of the moment kind of thing. I found this really incredible photographer that shoots an EXTREMELY different style that what you guys are used to seeing me do. Which I like! There are so many sides to me that have not yet been exposed by a camera. And I am really excited to show you guys more of my darker side and my grit. Well, hopefully anyway. smile But, the photographer sent me pictures of the location and... wow. Dark and eerie for sure. You know how I do... wink

The SG related one happens to fall right around my birthday which is pretty amazing! Shooting another hopeful set is a damn perfect gift, if you ask me! Well, gift from myself. smile But I'm beyond excited about it because I will be shooting with an incredible photographer and you guys know how bad I've been wanting to shoot again. It's all I've been talking about for like... MONTHS! lol Anyways, I may or may not give you more information when I have it! Either way, you'll know all about it when it comes up! But that's still a month away.

My day with the Beast

SPOILERS! (Click to view)


On Tuesday, I was sitting at home, minding my own bee's wax, and Beastwars calls me and says she's like 5 minutes away from my apartment and I should start getting ready. Ummmmm....... OK! lol So, she came by and took me out to lunch, just out of nowhere! We went to Chili's and talked for HOURS! Literally, we were there for 2 hours.

ya know, I like to call Beastwars my best "fair weather friend" but when it really comes down to it, she's there. Maybe not as much as I need, but she's there. smile

Anyways, she's got a new boyfriend (whom I have not met yet, thus does not have my formal approval. LOL JOKE) and the 2 of them are going to some concert so we went to the mall so she could get a new outfit. And I dress her better than anyone! It's a fact. lol I helped her put together suuuuuuch a smokin outfit! I told her she has to take pictures that night and send one to me of her all dolled up. So, I'll keep ya posted. HAHA

She also bought me a couple pairs of new 00 plugs because they were on crazy sale!!! Ummmm buy one pair, get the second for $1?! Yes please! I told her I didn't have money to spend and she said "Well, we're not leaving until you pick out 2 pairs you like because that's too good of a sale!" lol So, I got some squishy tubes (blue) and some clear glass plugs. Nothin fancy!

What did I say before, like a few months back in a blog? With friends, it's not quantity. It's quality. biggrinbiggrinbiggrin

Anyways, after the mall, we went back to my apartment and painted our toes and watched reruns of The Office and talked about our goofy past (reminder: we have been best friends since second grade, so there are a LOT of memories there). We tackled Brando when he came in the door and tried to hold him down and paint his toes but he was NOT havin it. (Go figure! lol)



I dunno! It was nice to have some girl time!

So, I really wanna tell you about the new art series I'm working on and stuff, but I think this is all I can type at 5 AM (wow, I've been working on this for like an hour. That's sad)! How about a few pictures, huh?

When I was driving a couple weeks ago... it looked like this:

Cutest rats alive in their new bed (which has now been chewed up and whatnot and is in the laundry. lol Crazy SOBs)

My love gun

Definitely saw this stuff at the grocery store. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm NO THANKS!


Even though I had to write PAGES of reviews of the commercials during the Super Bowl with B for his job, I got sooooo outrageously bored.



Lately I've been thinking about this

Saw this hat while I was out with Beast. I need it. BADLY


Ratty and heady! lol

Dork pose! Just need some sweet gold chains.. lol

Did my hair curly yesterday

new bra my mom got me. LOVE IT! Only bra I have with no padding. haha

new bra fell off


Mkay! I'm off to solve the world's biggest problems like famine and curing AIDS and stuff. smile I hope everyone has a fabulous Thursday! Almost Friday... YAY! lol I'll be around today if ya wanna chit chat or anything! I need to look at 5 billion SG sets to study some more and get some ideas. So my computer will be ON kiss

Please, if you get bored... biggrinbiggrinbiggrinbiggrinbiggrin
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xoxo
Trekka

VIEW 25 of 29 COMMENTS
sevenlea:
wink
the_captain:
That new profile pic is crazy hot! lovelovelovelove

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