Beauty In The Breakdown...
This song represents my entire outlook
I have never really been a very closed up person. Ever. I've always been pretty open about my emotions and my feelings, maybe even sometimes too open. HAHA! But, I have never had a fear of expressing the way I feel about things, which is sort of a double sided lexicon at times. Because not only do I make it known how I feel, I share without regret. If something makes me happy, I make it know. If something pissed me off, I make it known. I have no filter. Basically, I'm the person at a restaurant who when the waitress comes to ask how everything is, responds with pure honesty. "Eh... it's ok I guess. The pasta is a little over cooked and soft, but I'm not mad about it. Still tastes good! Thanks!" <--- Not an exaggeration. I mean, I'm polite and I smile and I don't express anger or anything at all! But if you ask me how something is, I'm gonna fuckin tell you!
I haven't decided whether this is a nature or nurture thing. My mom is very open about her feelings, but she does struggle with saying things that may hurt someone's feelings. Case in point: At a restaurant, if my mom doesn't care for her food, when the waitress asks how it is, she'll put on a big smile and say "Everything is great, thank you!" *eyeroll* She just hates the idea of creating a problem or whatever. I say, if you're paying $30 a head at a restaurant, the food better be good and prepared correctly, but that's neither here nor there. My dad picks his battles pretty well. If it's a pricy dinner, yeah he'll say something to the waitress, but if it's something cheap like PF Chengs or Fats or something, he'll let it slide.
I just feel a constant internal need to explain myself. The funny thing is, no one ever asks me to explain! But I always feel I have to. Like, if I'm saying "sorry I did this this and this wrong, I just-" and if I get cut off before I can explain why things were done wrong, it will bother me the rest of the day. <--- ALSO not an exaggeration. I will sit and stew about it until the next time I see that person and bring it up again specifically to attempt to explain myself again. LOL So, this sort of carries over to me needing to make my mood/feelings/opinions known at all times. I mean, I'm not like all p in your face about it! I just don't hold much back.
I mean, about 90% of you who read my blogs and shit don't talk to me outside of that. But you guys know A FUCK TON about me. lol And that's because I lay everything out in my blogs. I don't care if it pisses people off, I don't care if it's boring, and I certainly don't care if people change their opinion about me after reading it. You guys know how I feel about things like... 110% of the time and I like it that way! There's never really a question about how I'm doing because there's never a lack of supporting evidence. I dump it all out on to your shoulders! You're welcome!
LOL
But for real, I just don't care how it may shape someone's image of me. This is who I am. I am brutally honest with no reservations. I just simply do not feel complete if I'm holding anything in. There are veeeeeeerrrrrryyy few things I don't make perfectly known. I am an open book and I hope to always remain that way.
That's why I lean more towards the idea that this all probably is my nature. It is embedded in my soul. Even at times, when I try to reserve my feelings, I never last long. Like I said, when I hold things in, I go mad! To be totally honest, I think it has a lot to do with my OCD (which seems to be getting worse, but that's another story for another time) so I probably really am stuck with this quality for life!
Ya know, I can honestly see the upside to not being so candid. I really can! I'm sure it makes one more appealing to society and I think that's really important to most people. In no way do I look down on that! Everyone is different, which is what I adore so much about the human race! I just personally feel a lot more free once I've laid my mental state out on the table.
I show my pain, pleasure, excitement, joy, anger, frustration, melancholy and all the rest with zero apologies. And that, in turn, tends to push people away, especially when you're an OCD bipolar nut and your mood changes more often than the weather. It is what it is though. As an only child, I am used to being on my own and entertaining myself, thus not requiring an abundance of friends. And truthfully, I think my candor threatens people on occasion. This doesn't really bother me as much as one might think.
DO NOT MISTAKE MY HONESTY FOR BEING "EMO" "Emo" is not what I'm about. Truthful is what I am.
I truly find so much pure beauty in ripe emotion...
Anyways, that's that! Sorry, this was probably boring, but I was feelin it this morning. :]
I have a bunch of fun pictures that I took over the last couple days but when I went to upload to my computer this AM, the battery died. lol So, fun stuff to come!
XOXO
P
This song represents my entire outlook
I have never really been a very closed up person. Ever. I've always been pretty open about my emotions and my feelings, maybe even sometimes too open. HAHA! But, I have never had a fear of expressing the way I feel about things, which is sort of a double sided lexicon at times. Because not only do I make it known how I feel, I share without regret. If something makes me happy, I make it know. If something pissed me off, I make it known. I have no filter. Basically, I'm the person at a restaurant who when the waitress comes to ask how everything is, responds with pure honesty. "Eh... it's ok I guess. The pasta is a little over cooked and soft, but I'm not mad about it. Still tastes good! Thanks!" <--- Not an exaggeration. I mean, I'm polite and I smile and I don't express anger or anything at all! But if you ask me how something is, I'm gonna fuckin tell you!
I haven't decided whether this is a nature or nurture thing. My mom is very open about her feelings, but she does struggle with saying things that may hurt someone's feelings. Case in point: At a restaurant, if my mom doesn't care for her food, when the waitress asks how it is, she'll put on a big smile and say "Everything is great, thank you!" *eyeroll* She just hates the idea of creating a problem or whatever. I say, if you're paying $30 a head at a restaurant, the food better be good and prepared correctly, but that's neither here nor there. My dad picks his battles pretty well. If it's a pricy dinner, yeah he'll say something to the waitress, but if it's something cheap like PF Chengs or Fats or something, he'll let it slide.
I just feel a constant internal need to explain myself. The funny thing is, no one ever asks me to explain! But I always feel I have to. Like, if I'm saying "sorry I did this this and this wrong, I just-" and if I get cut off before I can explain why things were done wrong, it will bother me the rest of the day. <--- ALSO not an exaggeration. I will sit and stew about it until the next time I see that person and bring it up again specifically to attempt to explain myself again. LOL So, this sort of carries over to me needing to make my mood/feelings/opinions known at all times. I mean, I'm not like all p in your face about it! I just don't hold much back.
I mean, about 90% of you who read my blogs and shit don't talk to me outside of that. But you guys know A FUCK TON about me. lol And that's because I lay everything out in my blogs. I don't care if it pisses people off, I don't care if it's boring, and I certainly don't care if people change their opinion about me after reading it. You guys know how I feel about things like... 110% of the time and I like it that way! There's never really a question about how I'm doing because there's never a lack of supporting evidence. I dump it all out on to your shoulders! You're welcome!
LOL
But for real, I just don't care how it may shape someone's image of me. This is who I am. I am brutally honest with no reservations. I just simply do not feel complete if I'm holding anything in. There are veeeeeeerrrrrryyy few things I don't make perfectly known. I am an open book and I hope to always remain that way.
That's why I lean more towards the idea that this all probably is my nature. It is embedded in my soul. Even at times, when I try to reserve my feelings, I never last long. Like I said, when I hold things in, I go mad! To be totally honest, I think it has a lot to do with my OCD (which seems to be getting worse, but that's another story for another time) so I probably really am stuck with this quality for life!
Ya know, I can honestly see the upside to not being so candid. I really can! I'm sure it makes one more appealing to society and I think that's really important to most people. In no way do I look down on that! Everyone is different, which is what I adore so much about the human race! I just personally feel a lot more free once I've laid my mental state out on the table.
I show my pain, pleasure, excitement, joy, anger, frustration, melancholy and all the rest with zero apologies. And that, in turn, tends to push people away, especially when you're an OCD bipolar nut and your mood changes more often than the weather. It is what it is though. As an only child, I am used to being on my own and entertaining myself, thus not requiring an abundance of friends. And truthfully, I think my candor threatens people on occasion. This doesn't really bother me as much as one might think.
DO NOT MISTAKE MY HONESTY FOR BEING "EMO" "Emo" is not what I'm about. Truthful is what I am.
I truly find so much pure beauty in ripe emotion...
Anyways, that's that! Sorry, this was probably boring, but I was feelin it this morning. :]
I have a bunch of fun pictures that I took over the last couple days but when I went to upload to my computer this AM, the battery died. lol So, fun stuff to come!
XOXO
P
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
but
gawd you look good braless.
also, i like your new profile-y pic!