Dreaming to revive my brain...
I have been having strangely vivid dreams lately. So vivid that some mornings, when I wake up, I am entirely unsure if what I just experienced was a dream or real life. I spend quite a bit of time in the morning going over my dream to make sure that it was, in fact, imaginary. Finally, I mentally slap myself and realize that of course, it was a dream. Sometimes I am devastated by this discovery. Disappointed that I hadn't -actually- visited New York City with Chrysis and my man. Or that I didn't buy a home in San Francisco with an ocean view and a cool freak show around the corner. Other times, and quite frankly, more often than not, I am relieved it was all a dream. Extatic that I hadn't gone to Mexico on vacation and gotten kidnapped and sold to human trafficking. Or that I didn't wake up one morning to find that not only has everyone on the planet disappeared leaving me all alone, but also my teeth are falling out of my mouth at a rapid pace.
I'd like to blame all of this on the medication I take at night. It's yet another mood stabilizer that helps me sleep through the night. And my doctor has told me that it can cause incredibly real-feeling dreams. I wish I could blame it on that! Cuz then, I wouldn't seem like a nut. Haha! But, to be honest, the only thing it may do on that front, is increase the frequency at which these dreams occur.
I have always had really vivid dreams. Ever since I was a todler, when I woke up, I could tell you probably 70% of the dream I just had in great detail. From what I'm told by my doctors, this isn't the most common occurrence. There is aparently a reasonably small percentage of people who can actually recall stroke by stroke the details of their dreams regularly. I have a very love/hate relationship with this ability, as I stated above. I don't know why I am like this, but I am. For some reason, at night, when the every day worries have left my mind, my brain clearly gets very colorful and imaginative!
As a child though, this really terrified me on a lot of occasions. I even got to a point that I was afraid to go to sleep because I was afraid of what I would see. Even as a 6 year old, only about 30% of my dreams were pleasant.
When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I told all of this to my dad. That I was having really "real" dreams and that it scared me. He didn't seem too surprised (I have a suspicion that he experiences this also) but he comforted me. Then he told me about something called "lucid dreaming"...
Wiki definition: "A lucid dream, in simplest terms, is a dream in which one is aware that one is dreaming. A lucid dream can begin in one of two ways. A dream-initiated lucid dream (DILD) starts as a normal dream, and the dreamer eventually concludes it is a dream, while a wake-initiated lucid dream (WILD) occurs when the dreamer goes from a normal waking state directly into a dream state, with no apparent lapse in consciousness.
Lucid dreaming has been researched scientifically, and its existence is well established."
And it goes on and on. It's really interesting reading actually, but I won't make you read all the scientific and religious origins etc.
My dad is not an active member of any organized religion, but if he had to choose the religion that he most identifies with it would be Buddhism. Part of this (a LARGE part) is due to my dad growing up mostly in Asia. My grandpa was in military intelligence, specializing in teaching spy techniques (I'll probably write about that one of these days because it's pretty cool) and due to this line of work, they lived all over the world. The majority of my dad's high school career, the ages that we generally begin to develop our individuality and beliefs, was spent largely in Cambodia and Okinawa. So I believe the combination of the love he was gaining for Eastern culture and the fact that my dad has always craved a calm and centered mentality, he began to dive in to Buddhism.
Anyway! What I was getting at, is there is a practice widely used in Buddhism called lucid dreaming. They believe that enlightenment can be achieved through it. Being able to gain control of your thoughts while sleeping (something that can be incredibly difficult to learn) shows yourself how much control you actually have over your mind.
So, when I told my dad about my dreams, he began to tell me all about lucid dreaming. He didn't put it into baby words to cater to my age. He explained in detail what could be accomplished by doing it, and that at the very least, it would make me feel better about my vivid dreams because I would then KNOW they weren't real. He asked me if it was something I wanted to learn how to do. There was NO question in my mind. I wanted nothing more than to learn how to control my thoughts, if only at night!
My dad then spent the rest of the day, teaching me how. He explained everything that I needed to know to lucid dream. He told me the thoughts that needed to be going through my head before I went to sleep. He told me how to recognize I was in a dream and what I needed to do next.
The first night that I attempted lucid dreaming, that night, I actually accomplished it! I even remember the exact dream I had! When I woke in the morning, I ran into my dad's room and shook him awake. I must have had a big goofy smile on my face, because the moment he opened his eyes and looked at me, his face lit up and he asked me to tell him about it and to try my hardest to never forget my dreams. So I told him about it...
I was in the middle of a desert with a few kids from my school. We must have crash landed because there was a dead air plane not far from us. There was a big military shed so we went inside of it to get out of the sun. Inside, it was dark and grimy and there was a giant pond in there with a big mean alligator wading in it. I was absolutely terrified and about to take off running, when suddenly I realized I was dreaming. As the alligator lunged towards me, I told myself "This isn't real! You can fly, so fly" and I levitated to the ceiling of the shed. Throughout the rest of this dream, which in reality was only minutes long, but in the dream it felt like hours, I experimented with what I could do inside my dream. Which as it turns out, was anything I wanted. It was a great feeling! I had a way to not be scared by my dreams and actually change them to my liking.
As time has gone on, I have played with this skill a lot. I have been in a lot of scary positions in my dream land over the years and I have been able to change a lot of those dreams from scary to lovely. I try not to over do it, because I am afraid that I will lose a sense of reality. lol But, as a kid I did it like once a week! As I got older, I only did it maybe once a month. As it stands now, I haven't even attempted it in over a year.
I don't know why it's been so long since I tried it. I remember how to do it! I guess maybe it's that my mind has been so over loaded lately that I have been trying to slow all my thoughts down instead of ignite it. But I think it's time to start doing it again.
A recent semi-heated conversation with a close friend of mine has opened my eyes to the fact that I have shut my brain down for too long and I need to get it back into full working order. I have chosen to put my brain on standby the moment the clock hits 5pm and I am off work. This needs to come to an end immediately. I used to be this wild hippy that cared deeply about politics and current events. This side of me has been on standby for the last few years. I felt that my mental capacity was not what it should be to handle all that stuff anymore. But now, I am on medication that is meant to HELP me with sorting my thoughts, etc so this should no longer be an issue. I am actually probably much more capable of having an intelligent conversation without experiencing intense anxiety and flying off the handle.
But here's the trick, how do I transition back to that me? Will I still have the same friends if I flip on my hippy light bulb again? Will I have people to have these conversations with? Because right now, I feel like I probably only have like 2 people I can comfortably have an in depth conversation about religion or politics or whatever with. And one thing I know about friendships is that if the foundation of said friendship is not what it should be, these sorts of conversations ruin friendships. Rather, they CAN. It has happened to me many many times in the past. In fact, this morning, I ran a tally recalling the topics that friendships of mine have ended over specific topics! lol
Number of "friends" I have lost because I am Pro Choice: 3
Number of "friends" I have lost because I'm a Democrat: 6
Number of "friends" I have lost because I'm not Christian: countless... more than 20.
It's time for me to get over the fact that some people just WILL NOT LIKE ME based solely on my views. That's ok! Frankly, it's their loss! Because there are very few things that I will write someone off entirely over: #1 blatant racism, #2 treating people with disrespect because they are different in ANY way, and #3 attacking me and my opinion.
What I'm getting at, is that my brain needs to be jump started. Like now. And I wonder if a little lucid dreaming would do the trick? I'm going to give it an effort this week and see if it helps me revive my mind from its hibernation. In addition, I'm going to start reading the news for longer than 30 minutes every day. Let's see how this goes...
Wish me luck!
Shit.... I hope this wasn't boring, guys! Hahaha! I just went on such a hard core tangent. Watch, no one will read this because it's so damn long. Oh well. I suppose writing this was more for my own benefit anyway. I hope it was a little interesting!
**Don't forget! November 19 (that's FRIDAY) at 12pm, keep your eyes peeled in MR for my set Unsummer**
XOXO
Peechee
I have been having strangely vivid dreams lately. So vivid that some mornings, when I wake up, I am entirely unsure if what I just experienced was a dream or real life. I spend quite a bit of time in the morning going over my dream to make sure that it was, in fact, imaginary. Finally, I mentally slap myself and realize that of course, it was a dream. Sometimes I am devastated by this discovery. Disappointed that I hadn't -actually- visited New York City with Chrysis and my man. Or that I didn't buy a home in San Francisco with an ocean view and a cool freak show around the corner. Other times, and quite frankly, more often than not, I am relieved it was all a dream. Extatic that I hadn't gone to Mexico on vacation and gotten kidnapped and sold to human trafficking. Or that I didn't wake up one morning to find that not only has everyone on the planet disappeared leaving me all alone, but also my teeth are falling out of my mouth at a rapid pace.
I'd like to blame all of this on the medication I take at night. It's yet another mood stabilizer that helps me sleep through the night. And my doctor has told me that it can cause incredibly real-feeling dreams. I wish I could blame it on that! Cuz then, I wouldn't seem like a nut. Haha! But, to be honest, the only thing it may do on that front, is increase the frequency at which these dreams occur.
I have always had really vivid dreams. Ever since I was a todler, when I woke up, I could tell you probably 70% of the dream I just had in great detail. From what I'm told by my doctors, this isn't the most common occurrence. There is aparently a reasonably small percentage of people who can actually recall stroke by stroke the details of their dreams regularly. I have a very love/hate relationship with this ability, as I stated above. I don't know why I am like this, but I am. For some reason, at night, when the every day worries have left my mind, my brain clearly gets very colorful and imaginative!
As a child though, this really terrified me on a lot of occasions. I even got to a point that I was afraid to go to sleep because I was afraid of what I would see. Even as a 6 year old, only about 30% of my dreams were pleasant.
When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I told all of this to my dad. That I was having really "real" dreams and that it scared me. He didn't seem too surprised (I have a suspicion that he experiences this also) but he comforted me. Then he told me about something called "lucid dreaming"...
Wiki definition: "A lucid dream, in simplest terms, is a dream in which one is aware that one is dreaming. A lucid dream can begin in one of two ways. A dream-initiated lucid dream (DILD) starts as a normal dream, and the dreamer eventually concludes it is a dream, while a wake-initiated lucid dream (WILD) occurs when the dreamer goes from a normal waking state directly into a dream state, with no apparent lapse in consciousness.
Lucid dreaming has been researched scientifically, and its existence is well established."
And it goes on and on. It's really interesting reading actually, but I won't make you read all the scientific and religious origins etc.
My dad is not an active member of any organized religion, but if he had to choose the religion that he most identifies with it would be Buddhism. Part of this (a LARGE part) is due to my dad growing up mostly in Asia. My grandpa was in military intelligence, specializing in teaching spy techniques (I'll probably write about that one of these days because it's pretty cool) and due to this line of work, they lived all over the world. The majority of my dad's high school career, the ages that we generally begin to develop our individuality and beliefs, was spent largely in Cambodia and Okinawa. So I believe the combination of the love he was gaining for Eastern culture and the fact that my dad has always craved a calm and centered mentality, he began to dive in to Buddhism.
Anyway! What I was getting at, is there is a practice widely used in Buddhism called lucid dreaming. They believe that enlightenment can be achieved through it. Being able to gain control of your thoughts while sleeping (something that can be incredibly difficult to learn) shows yourself how much control you actually have over your mind.
So, when I told my dad about my dreams, he began to tell me all about lucid dreaming. He didn't put it into baby words to cater to my age. He explained in detail what could be accomplished by doing it, and that at the very least, it would make me feel better about my vivid dreams because I would then KNOW they weren't real. He asked me if it was something I wanted to learn how to do. There was NO question in my mind. I wanted nothing more than to learn how to control my thoughts, if only at night!
My dad then spent the rest of the day, teaching me how. He explained everything that I needed to know to lucid dream. He told me the thoughts that needed to be going through my head before I went to sleep. He told me how to recognize I was in a dream and what I needed to do next.
The first night that I attempted lucid dreaming, that night, I actually accomplished it! I even remember the exact dream I had! When I woke in the morning, I ran into my dad's room and shook him awake. I must have had a big goofy smile on my face, because the moment he opened his eyes and looked at me, his face lit up and he asked me to tell him about it and to try my hardest to never forget my dreams. So I told him about it...
I was in the middle of a desert with a few kids from my school. We must have crash landed because there was a dead air plane not far from us. There was a big military shed so we went inside of it to get out of the sun. Inside, it was dark and grimy and there was a giant pond in there with a big mean alligator wading in it. I was absolutely terrified and about to take off running, when suddenly I realized I was dreaming. As the alligator lunged towards me, I told myself "This isn't real! You can fly, so fly" and I levitated to the ceiling of the shed. Throughout the rest of this dream, which in reality was only minutes long, but in the dream it felt like hours, I experimented with what I could do inside my dream. Which as it turns out, was anything I wanted. It was a great feeling! I had a way to not be scared by my dreams and actually change them to my liking.
As time has gone on, I have played with this skill a lot. I have been in a lot of scary positions in my dream land over the years and I have been able to change a lot of those dreams from scary to lovely. I try not to over do it, because I am afraid that I will lose a sense of reality. lol But, as a kid I did it like once a week! As I got older, I only did it maybe once a month. As it stands now, I haven't even attempted it in over a year.
I don't know why it's been so long since I tried it. I remember how to do it! I guess maybe it's that my mind has been so over loaded lately that I have been trying to slow all my thoughts down instead of ignite it. But I think it's time to start doing it again.
A recent semi-heated conversation with a close friend of mine has opened my eyes to the fact that I have shut my brain down for too long and I need to get it back into full working order. I have chosen to put my brain on standby the moment the clock hits 5pm and I am off work. This needs to come to an end immediately. I used to be this wild hippy that cared deeply about politics and current events. This side of me has been on standby for the last few years. I felt that my mental capacity was not what it should be to handle all that stuff anymore. But now, I am on medication that is meant to HELP me with sorting my thoughts, etc so this should no longer be an issue. I am actually probably much more capable of having an intelligent conversation without experiencing intense anxiety and flying off the handle.
But here's the trick, how do I transition back to that me? Will I still have the same friends if I flip on my hippy light bulb again? Will I have people to have these conversations with? Because right now, I feel like I probably only have like 2 people I can comfortably have an in depth conversation about religion or politics or whatever with. And one thing I know about friendships is that if the foundation of said friendship is not what it should be, these sorts of conversations ruin friendships. Rather, they CAN. It has happened to me many many times in the past. In fact, this morning, I ran a tally recalling the topics that friendships of mine have ended over specific topics! lol
Number of "friends" I have lost because I am Pro Choice: 3
Number of "friends" I have lost because I'm a Democrat: 6
Number of "friends" I have lost because I'm not Christian: countless... more than 20.
It's time for me to get over the fact that some people just WILL NOT LIKE ME based solely on my views. That's ok! Frankly, it's their loss! Because there are very few things that I will write someone off entirely over: #1 blatant racism, #2 treating people with disrespect because they are different in ANY way, and #3 attacking me and my opinion.
What I'm getting at, is that my brain needs to be jump started. Like now. And I wonder if a little lucid dreaming would do the trick? I'm going to give it an effort this week and see if it helps me revive my mind from its hibernation. In addition, I'm going to start reading the news for longer than 30 minutes every day. Let's see how this goes...
Wish me luck!
Shit.... I hope this wasn't boring, guys! Hahaha! I just went on such a hard core tangent. Watch, no one will read this because it's so damn long. Oh well. I suppose writing this was more for my own benefit anyway. I hope it was a little interesting!
**Don't forget! November 19 (that's FRIDAY) at 12pm, keep your eyes peeled in MR for my set Unsummer**
XOXO
Peechee
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
xylah:
I can't wait for it!!!!! I will be looking out O.o
mercie:
hahah... SHUT UP I KNEW HIM BEFORE YOU EVER DID. *shakes fist*