Momma Sed
This song and its lyrics COMPLETELY speak to me right now
Relationship: fabulous
Family: ok
Friends: always too busy
Work: great but busy
Health: falling apart
Back: awful
Mind: gone
At least I have a couple things going for me right? Working on some ideas for a shoot with Wenzdai hopefully Oct 3. I'm just waiting for it all to not work out... again... gah!
I need some positivity in my life right now and I honestly don't know where to go to find it. I have my man and he does his best, but he's busy with work. They are building a new radio studio for the show and of course, he has to be involved in it all. So he's stretched super thin.
And lately it feels like none of my friends want anything to do with me. I know thats not really the case, its just everyone is busy with life and no one seems to have time for little old me. THe only time I don't feel empty and alone is when I'm with him. He makes everything right. But, I'd love to have my friends b there in that way for me too. It's hard because when I get lonely, I clam up more. My friends used to reach out to me when I got that way, knowing that I am incapable of contacting them in those moments of despair. Guess I ran out of life lines.
The weird feeling part about all of it is that I'm officially in my mid-20s. This isn't something that bothers me at all, I'm ready to get old. But, all my friends are ALSO in their mid-20's. Which means they have careers, families, kids, husbands, wives, successful modeling careers and ZERO free time. I understand that. i knew at one point, my friends would disappear into their cozy lives and leave me behind. It's just once it goes into effect, it hurts. And it feels lonely. Obviously, I don't blame any of my lovely friends for this. It's life. BUt I miss them. And I guess I thought a couple people would hang back and keep me company, and there are a couple friends that come out of the woodwork once in a blue moon and ask me to do something.
I guess what I'm starting to wonder is, has my past bipolar behavior pushed my friends away?
In other news, my back is still beyond fucked up. I was pretty much up all night crying because the pain was so bad and this morning I had to call into work again which is shitty. Again, I feel like a fucking douche bag. It's just so unfair! I have never been the type to call in to work sick, even in the past when I've been puking or had migraines! But, this morning, the pain was so bad I was throwing up. So, I called in and my mom came and picked me up to take me to the chiropractor who told me I had to come back at 2:10. SO, my mom took me home, cleaned up my apartment a little and is gonna take me back. They want to take x-rays and all kinds of bull shit. What did I do to deserve this crap?
Ugh... I hate pity parties. I think its time to exit this one.
Happy news, even though our trip to Tahoe was plagued with back pain, it did wonders for our relationship. I think he and I have a better understanding of what we want and what we each need from each other. I feel really great about our relationship right now and I'm throwing my worries out the window. The more you worry it'll all fall apart, the more it falls apart.
So right now, we're trying not to over think it and just go with what feels right. And right now, it feels soooo right. 
Miss panda is working on getting her visit planned and this pleases me, though it can't seem to come soon enough. I know it'll be so worth the wait once she gets here though! We'll have a ton of fun exploring and laughing and enjoying the companionship. I wish she could come and stay forever! Maybe she will... lol ;P
Maybe I just need a goddam hug today. lol FUUUUUCK!
I'm sorry that this blog is kind of a downer guys. I promise the next one will be happy.
SMILE: fake it til you make it!
xoxo
Me
This song and its lyrics COMPLETELY speak to me right now
Relationship: fabulous
Family: ok
Friends: always too busy
Work: great but busy
Health: falling apart
Back: awful
Mind: gone
At least I have a couple things going for me right? Working on some ideas for a shoot with Wenzdai hopefully Oct 3. I'm just waiting for it all to not work out... again... gah!
I need some positivity in my life right now and I honestly don't know where to go to find it. I have my man and he does his best, but he's busy with work. They are building a new radio studio for the show and of course, he has to be involved in it all. So he's stretched super thin.
And lately it feels like none of my friends want anything to do with me. I know thats not really the case, its just everyone is busy with life and no one seems to have time for little old me. THe only time I don't feel empty and alone is when I'm with him. He makes everything right. But, I'd love to have my friends b there in that way for me too. It's hard because when I get lonely, I clam up more. My friends used to reach out to me when I got that way, knowing that I am incapable of contacting them in those moments of despair. Guess I ran out of life lines.
The weird feeling part about all of it is that I'm officially in my mid-20s. This isn't something that bothers me at all, I'm ready to get old. But, all my friends are ALSO in their mid-20's. Which means they have careers, families, kids, husbands, wives, successful modeling careers and ZERO free time. I understand that. i knew at one point, my friends would disappear into their cozy lives and leave me behind. It's just once it goes into effect, it hurts. And it feels lonely. Obviously, I don't blame any of my lovely friends for this. It's life. BUt I miss them. And I guess I thought a couple people would hang back and keep me company, and there are a couple friends that come out of the woodwork once in a blue moon and ask me to do something.
I guess what I'm starting to wonder is, has my past bipolar behavior pushed my friends away?
In other news, my back is still beyond fucked up. I was pretty much up all night crying because the pain was so bad and this morning I had to call into work again which is shitty. Again, I feel like a fucking douche bag. It's just so unfair! I have never been the type to call in to work sick, even in the past when I've been puking or had migraines! But, this morning, the pain was so bad I was throwing up. So, I called in and my mom came and picked me up to take me to the chiropractor who told me I had to come back at 2:10. SO, my mom took me home, cleaned up my apartment a little and is gonna take me back. They want to take x-rays and all kinds of bull shit. What did I do to deserve this crap?
Ugh... I hate pity parties. I think its time to exit this one.
Happy news, even though our trip to Tahoe was plagued with back pain, it did wonders for our relationship. I think he and I have a better understanding of what we want and what we each need from each other. I feel really great about our relationship right now and I'm throwing my worries out the window. The more you worry it'll all fall apart, the more it falls apart.
So right now, we're trying not to over think it and just go with what feels right. And right now, it feels soooo right.
Miss panda is working on getting her visit planned and this pleases me, though it can't seem to come soon enough. I know it'll be so worth the wait once she gets here though! We'll have a ton of fun exploring and laughing and enjoying the companionship. I wish she could come and stay forever! Maybe she will... lol ;P
Maybe I just need a goddam hug today. lol FUUUUUCK!
I'm sorry that this blog is kind of a downer guys. I promise the next one will be happy.
SMILE: fake it til you make it!
xoxo
Me
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
madeincanada:
HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! 
xylah:
-hugs-