I'm currently coming up to 5 months being unemployed and no closer to having a "proper" job. It's a surreal situation for someone that hasn't been out of work for more than two months since they were 16. Nothing sounds more impressive to anyone, especially girls, than "Oh yeah, right now? Yeah, I'm not really doing much". I have found a way to counteract this though.. I've invented myself professions. It's not always honest, but it makes me feel a little better saying them. I thought I'd do my latest blog on all the jobs I've given myself over the last 5 months..
1. Writer
This one is a little accurate. I always said I'd never call myself a writer until I finished something of substance and I recently finished the pilot for a sitcom I'd been writing with my friend. It's also the one I feel quite comfortable and proud to say. It's honest, to a point, and I usually talk for now end about my sitcom afterwards. I have to write more often though. Whether or not it's this blog, my other blogs, write for a website or work more often on the sitcom, I have to work harder.
2. Out of work actor
Again, technically accurate. Sure, since I originally did my lessons I've done about 3 or 4 auditions and after missing out narrowly on a couple of things I gave up. I haven't used this one in quite a while. Although, it looks like I'll be presenting something associated with the Sci-Fi Channel in the next couple of months, so it might get cracked out a few more times.
3. Full contact fighter
Yeah, this one is a little untrue, sort of. I haven't fought since I was 19 and that was only ever semi-pro. Since then I've trained periodically, only due to the fact I'm so poor right now. Out of all the jobs I could do in the World, I'd chose this as my number one dream. If you've ever met me, you'll know I'm a pretty placid, easy going kind of guy, definitely not scary and doesn't look like a fighter, but MMA and Tae Kwon Do has been a passion of mine since I was 10 and hope to go back to this eventually. It's the only thing I've ever been really good at. Writing and fighting.. 2 very strange and contrasting talents.
4. Adult film star
Complete lie. I was hammered drunk one night and decided this was my profession. I've only ever told one girl this and at first she didn't believe me at first. By the end of the conversation I had her number as she was interested in getting into the profession and "I knew the right people". Brilliant. Never again.
5. Training for the Royal Marines
The truth. I've been training for the last 2 months, although not as consistently as I've planned, but still pretty hard. I've passed my exams and eye test and have an interview, fitness test, medical and three day course in Somerset. I've got a good chance of getting in and it's something I've been interested in doing since I was 17. But, we'll see.
6. DJ
I wish I DJ'd more often but it's been really difficult getting more jobs than the one night we do every week. I say we, because this is another thing I do in a pair with one of my best friends. Our name is Treepeople and we are pretty awesome. We like to think so anyway. We're really just fade in/fade out masters of playing pop punk and hardcore. We'll never earn Fabric money or anything like that unless we learn how to DJ "properly".
7. Model
Hahaha... Yeah. I haven't actually used this yet as a "job", but technically soon I will be able to. I should be doing a photoshoot for a friend of a friend. An article or feature about "the not typically good looking guy". Basically guys with tattoo's or whatever, but it appears it's, for lack of a better term, cock-out. I have a plan on maintaining a state of semi-erection the entire time. I hope the same thing doesn't happen when I go to the doctors, or I'm not taking off my pants.
All in all I have a few to chose from. The people closest to me know the truth: That I've struggled so much in the past 5 months to find a suitable profession and know, more than anything, I'll more than likely end up with the Royal Marines for a few years, at least. But we'll see.. perhaps there'll be an audition for a film about a part-time DJ/part-time cage fighter who get's caught up in the crazy world of pornography. And they need someone to write it too.
1. Writer
This one is a little accurate. I always said I'd never call myself a writer until I finished something of substance and I recently finished the pilot for a sitcom I'd been writing with my friend. It's also the one I feel quite comfortable and proud to say. It's honest, to a point, and I usually talk for now end about my sitcom afterwards. I have to write more often though. Whether or not it's this blog, my other blogs, write for a website or work more often on the sitcom, I have to work harder.
2. Out of work actor
Again, technically accurate. Sure, since I originally did my lessons I've done about 3 or 4 auditions and after missing out narrowly on a couple of things I gave up. I haven't used this one in quite a while. Although, it looks like I'll be presenting something associated with the Sci-Fi Channel in the next couple of months, so it might get cracked out a few more times.
3. Full contact fighter
Yeah, this one is a little untrue, sort of. I haven't fought since I was 19 and that was only ever semi-pro. Since then I've trained periodically, only due to the fact I'm so poor right now. Out of all the jobs I could do in the World, I'd chose this as my number one dream. If you've ever met me, you'll know I'm a pretty placid, easy going kind of guy, definitely not scary and doesn't look like a fighter, but MMA and Tae Kwon Do has been a passion of mine since I was 10 and hope to go back to this eventually. It's the only thing I've ever been really good at. Writing and fighting.. 2 very strange and contrasting talents.
4. Adult film star
Complete lie. I was hammered drunk one night and decided this was my profession. I've only ever told one girl this and at first she didn't believe me at first. By the end of the conversation I had her number as she was interested in getting into the profession and "I knew the right people". Brilliant. Never again.
5. Training for the Royal Marines
The truth. I've been training for the last 2 months, although not as consistently as I've planned, but still pretty hard. I've passed my exams and eye test and have an interview, fitness test, medical and three day course in Somerset. I've got a good chance of getting in and it's something I've been interested in doing since I was 17. But, we'll see.
6. DJ
I wish I DJ'd more often but it's been really difficult getting more jobs than the one night we do every week. I say we, because this is another thing I do in a pair with one of my best friends. Our name is Treepeople and we are pretty awesome. We like to think so anyway. We're really just fade in/fade out masters of playing pop punk and hardcore. We'll never earn Fabric money or anything like that unless we learn how to DJ "properly".
7. Model
Hahaha... Yeah. I haven't actually used this yet as a "job", but technically soon I will be able to. I should be doing a photoshoot for a friend of a friend. An article or feature about "the not typically good looking guy". Basically guys with tattoo's or whatever, but it appears it's, for lack of a better term, cock-out. I have a plan on maintaining a state of semi-erection the entire time. I hope the same thing doesn't happen when I go to the doctors, or I'm not taking off my pants.
All in all I have a few to chose from. The people closest to me know the truth: That I've struggled so much in the past 5 months to find a suitable profession and know, more than anything, I'll more than likely end up with the Royal Marines for a few years, at least. But we'll see.. perhaps there'll be an audition for a film about a part-time DJ/part-time cage fighter who get's caught up in the crazy world of pornography. And they need someone to write it too.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
disco:
I heard you slept under a bridge. How was that?
disco:
Yeah, not drinking though because I have surgery in the morning. Still gonna PARTY HARD like AWK though