Wow, it sure is sunny. So I bought new shades. And Cthulu slippers. Pics to follow.
Traumatron versus the UV rays of doom.
I'm pretty sharp fucker, you know. Of this there is no question. This is why, my dear friends, the astoundingly hot sun, and throngs of sweating, shambling rejects that it attracts, were not going to spoil MY weekend. Oh dear god no.
While a less savvy, and perhaps less sociopathic person would go on a glorious golden day like saturday - would be to hit the beach, and sink a beer or two. Get a tan. Have a mooch around the shops.
Call me plum bat-fuck bananas - but there was no way I was going to trudge around the slim streets of brighton, in the intense heat, surrounded by humans, getting angrier and angrier and eventually spilling blood.
My plan was thus:
*Go out for breakfast to the beautiful Cafe Nia.
*Head post-haste to the cinema, to catch Sin City before it ends up on the tiny screens.
*Escape back to tron HQ for some DVDS and videogames.
Breakfast? Serene. Smoked salmon, scrambled eggs on thick wholemeal bread, and a pineapple and coconut smoothie, if you please.
Cinema? Dark. Cool. Underpopulated. Sin City is best enjoyed chilled.
Post cinema, we realise heading back through the throng of retards is a no-no, so we creep up the alleyways and find a fairly busy pub for a drink before heading back to the lair.
Mmm. Nice pub. Mechanical octopus stuck to the ceiling. Lots of people, none of them resembling idiots.
Oh, but there was one. A lone fucknut, attracted to me like a fly to shit. I'm standing in a little gap - patiently waiting to be served. It is hot. There are a lot of people. I am holding my shit together admirably. I am in, dare I say it, a good mood.
This was immediately jeopardised by the aforementioned idiot. It was female. It lacked manners. It was, in all honestly, a very simple human. Her mistakes were twofold:
1: she had to push by me to get to the bar. This involved a fair amount of physical contact, and essentially moved me, from my position as next to be serves, far, far out of reach of the barmaids eye.
2: she ordered before me. I stared in disbelief at her the whole time she ordered. stared at her, and waited for her dim, chicken-like eyes to register that the man she'd just displayed appaling manners to - was going to say something, in a low and threatening tone.
Ladies and gentleman - I have several lines reserved for potential combat situations. One liners that you might hear from any comic-book villain. This ill mannered female was about to hear this hastily prepared one:
"Your first mistake was pushing me out the way. Your second was ordering before me. Your last will be... not ducking."
And then I'd fully intended to glass her with her own drink.
But she was gone. She was away and into the crowd.
I drank my pint and discussed Sin City with Nic. And later headed off to a barbequeue. Superb.
It's true what they say. Violent entertainment does inspire violence in the impressionable.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have videogames to play.
Traumatron versus the UV rays of doom.
I'm pretty sharp fucker, you know. Of this there is no question. This is why, my dear friends, the astoundingly hot sun, and throngs of sweating, shambling rejects that it attracts, were not going to spoil MY weekend. Oh dear god no.
While a less savvy, and perhaps less sociopathic person would go on a glorious golden day like saturday - would be to hit the beach, and sink a beer or two. Get a tan. Have a mooch around the shops.
Call me plum bat-fuck bananas - but there was no way I was going to trudge around the slim streets of brighton, in the intense heat, surrounded by humans, getting angrier and angrier and eventually spilling blood.
My plan was thus:
*Go out for breakfast to the beautiful Cafe Nia.
*Head post-haste to the cinema, to catch Sin City before it ends up on the tiny screens.
*Escape back to tron HQ for some DVDS and videogames.
Breakfast? Serene. Smoked salmon, scrambled eggs on thick wholemeal bread, and a pineapple and coconut smoothie, if you please.
Cinema? Dark. Cool. Underpopulated. Sin City is best enjoyed chilled.
Post cinema, we realise heading back through the throng of retards is a no-no, so we creep up the alleyways and find a fairly busy pub for a drink before heading back to the lair.
Mmm. Nice pub. Mechanical octopus stuck to the ceiling. Lots of people, none of them resembling idiots.
Oh, but there was one. A lone fucknut, attracted to me like a fly to shit. I'm standing in a little gap - patiently waiting to be served. It is hot. There are a lot of people. I am holding my shit together admirably. I am in, dare I say it, a good mood.
This was immediately jeopardised by the aforementioned idiot. It was female. It lacked manners. It was, in all honestly, a very simple human. Her mistakes were twofold:
1: she had to push by me to get to the bar. This involved a fair amount of physical contact, and essentially moved me, from my position as next to be serves, far, far out of reach of the barmaids eye.
2: she ordered before me. I stared in disbelief at her the whole time she ordered. stared at her, and waited for her dim, chicken-like eyes to register that the man she'd just displayed appaling manners to - was going to say something, in a low and threatening tone.
Ladies and gentleman - I have several lines reserved for potential combat situations. One liners that you might hear from any comic-book villain. This ill mannered female was about to hear this hastily prepared one:
"Your first mistake was pushing me out the way. Your second was ordering before me. Your last will be... not ducking."
And then I'd fully intended to glass her with her own drink.
But she was gone. She was away and into the crowd.
I drank my pint and discussed Sin City with Nic. And later headed off to a barbequeue. Superb.
It's true what they say. Violent entertainment does inspire violence in the impressionable.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have videogames to play.
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
*stifled shriek*
edit: on second thought, good. I'm wishing for my untimely demise right now anyways.
[Edited on Jun 23, 2005 10:59PM]
I'll get you something nice in Rome.