traumatron

I once drank so much coffee that it made my legs ache.

I once rode my bike with my eyes closed. Only to hit a street sign and be asked by strangers if i was alright.
'Yes.' I said. 'I was just riding my bike with my eyes closed.'

I once arranged all my he-man figures so they were in pairs, facing each other, with their hands touching.
My mother asked: 'Oh, are they dancing?'
She was bitterly mistaken. Mothers can be so short-sighted at times.
They were fighting of course.

I once played the front end of a donkey in the school nativity. Gemma Lane was playing the rear. Her brother works at my company. I still havent got round to telling him this story.

I once had a brief affair with a girl I met in Paris, on Art school trip. I fell for her because she told me she was producing a play. She was the sort of girl who liked live-action role playing games, and ferrets.
Cheating on my high-school girlfriend with her was easily one of stupidest things I've ever done.

I once had a friend who was clever enough to take advantage of the previous act of stupidness, and move in on my girlfriend. They had kissed. Drunkenly, but a kiss is still a kiss. Her and I talked about it, and made up. I never made up with my friend.
To be frank, he's lucky to still be alive.

I once had a drunken lie down in the middle of a dark road dressed as a woman. And watched the lamposts dance while i chatted to my oldest friend, who was dressed as John Lennon.

I once got on stage and perfromed a dirty version of the song 'Tragedy', with a man calling himself Lord Wombat. We then proceeded to dress a man in ladies clothing.

I once broke my arm whilst trying to ride my bike away from a water sprinkler.

I once heard my mother having sex with someone who wasnt my father.

I once had a cat called Sam. He was a big black cat, with a little white moustache. Some cats meow. My cat shouted. He was loud and pretty obnoxious. The first time Nic saw him, he sneezed, and two strings of snot shot out, swung back, and attached themselves to the tips of his ears.

I once had a conversation with my oldest friend about Clangers - only to find that one of us was talking about pink mice that lived on the moon, and the other one was talking about a euphomisn for poops.

I once dyed my hair red in the toilet in the Wimpy's restauarnt near my school.

Sigh...that's enough of that.
What did you once do?