Because that swine Antenna 'tagged' me, I have listed below 20 things that you may not know about me. I will not be perpetuating this nonsense. I'm a very busy man.
...but not so busy as I can't sit for an hour coming up with this load of shit:
1:: Ok, let's start with the fairly obvious and get down to the most obscure. I once co-ran and performed at a stand-up comedy night in my hometown of Dunstable. I became renowned as a cross-dressing violent lunatic under the name of The Comedian of Darkness. Those were the days. My partner in crime was known as Lord Wombat and would sing songs about tapeworms whilst wearing a chimpanzee mask.
2:: I once performed with punk poet and all round good egg, John Cooper Clark.
John: Ey, I love yer jacketis it a chicks?
tron: No, its mine.
3:: I once gave a room full of drama students a lecture on comedy performance at Hertford college. I was later approached by one of the students who asked me to fondle her breasts, and tried to tell me she was younger than she said she was, the idea being that that may entice me into jailbait booby fondling. I elbowed her in the chest.
4:: My real name is Colin. My fathers name is Colin. Nics fathers name is Colin. My oldest friends name is Colin. I once had a neighbour called Colin.
5:: I was in a band for about a week. We were called The Cirkus. We did one song, a cover of a cover of Sweet Dreams. We were shit.
6:: I once threw a lad in front of a moving car. He survived, as the driver slowed down when he saw me punching the chaps head in at the side of the road. Shouldnt have called me a wanker, should he?
7:: My folks split up when I was 12. I heard my mother with a mystery lover whilst I was in the next room. I was a pretty angry young man for a while after that. Its pretty much all water under the bridge for me now, though.
8:: I have a nephew, Alexie. Hes 2. We call him Lex. He likes to make farty noises. He will go far.
9:: I once decided that riding my bike with my eyes closed was a good idea. It wasnt.
10:: Myself and my oldest friend whilst dressed as Marilyn Manson and John Lennon respectively once had a bit of a lie down in the middle of a dark main road, as we very drunk and in need of a bit of a rest.
11:: I used to eat apple donuts under a tree with my friend Rachael instead of going to my A level English lessons. I got a crappy grade, and she never fell in love with me. Bummer.
12:: I once decorated a Christmas tree with condoms, and threw a real pigs heart into the crowd at one of my gigs as a young comedian.
13:: The name Traumatron, which I now use more commonly than my own name, is derived from my love of Transformers, and being a bit an old Goth at heart. The trauma part was actually the surname of my old band persona: Velvet Trauma, which was a piss poor mashing together of words in the same vein that Marilyn Manson did when creating his name. Deary me.
14:: I used to draw every day up until I was about 15 or 16. It was then that I got interested in booze, girls and writing songs. Wooph. I still retain a fair amount of talent for drawing, but not much. I was always fucking awful at song writing, however.
15:: Count Dracula crushed my throat and killed me on no less than three separate occasions. I was playing Arthur Seaward in the school production of Dracula.
16:: I once very nearly got caught masturbating to an episode of Buck Rogers. There was a space princess in it that slinked about in a lot gold jewellery. She was a pretty classy space lady.
17:: I once lost Nics teddy bear, a constant companion of hers throughout her life, by placing him on top of the car we were travelling in to go on holiday. Thankfully, the bear fell off the roof as we rounded the first bend. We came straight home from holiday almost as soon as arriving and discovering the bear lost. Nic mentally unravelled, and we travelled back home at top speed the next day, to find the little bear sunning himself on a small wall, about 20 feet away from our house.
18:: I did an online test a while back and found that I have a mild form of every personality disorder that exists. Just like everybody else.
19:: I was a master thief. I consistently stole magazines and make-up from stores for years. I dont do it any more though. I m an adult for Christs sake.
20:: I used to work from home on a website for a company that sold kitchen appliances online. I would charge them about 3 per page. I made a fuckload of cash off them for doing very little work. About 3.5 hours a day. But then, I suppose thats not exactly much of a secret to any web designers/authors reading this!
Right. I'm going to bristol to this burlesque show, possibly my last. I've decided that I'm rubbish at being a compere, and havent got the time to come up with any hilarious material. I've lost my knack. I'd rather concentrate on my Uni work.
After this, I'm going on holiday. I'll be back Nov. 5th. Be good while I'm gone.
...but not so busy as I can't sit for an hour coming up with this load of shit:
1:: Ok, let's start with the fairly obvious and get down to the most obscure. I once co-ran and performed at a stand-up comedy night in my hometown of Dunstable. I became renowned as a cross-dressing violent lunatic under the name of The Comedian of Darkness. Those were the days. My partner in crime was known as Lord Wombat and would sing songs about tapeworms whilst wearing a chimpanzee mask.
2:: I once performed with punk poet and all round good egg, John Cooper Clark.
John: Ey, I love yer jacketis it a chicks?
tron: No, its mine.
3:: I once gave a room full of drama students a lecture on comedy performance at Hertford college. I was later approached by one of the students who asked me to fondle her breasts, and tried to tell me she was younger than she said she was, the idea being that that may entice me into jailbait booby fondling. I elbowed her in the chest.
4:: My real name is Colin. My fathers name is Colin. Nics fathers name is Colin. My oldest friends name is Colin. I once had a neighbour called Colin.
5:: I was in a band for about a week. We were called The Cirkus. We did one song, a cover of a cover of Sweet Dreams. We were shit.
6:: I once threw a lad in front of a moving car. He survived, as the driver slowed down when he saw me punching the chaps head in at the side of the road. Shouldnt have called me a wanker, should he?
7:: My folks split up when I was 12. I heard my mother with a mystery lover whilst I was in the next room. I was a pretty angry young man for a while after that. Its pretty much all water under the bridge for me now, though.
8:: I have a nephew, Alexie. Hes 2. We call him Lex. He likes to make farty noises. He will go far.
9:: I once decided that riding my bike with my eyes closed was a good idea. It wasnt.
10:: Myself and my oldest friend whilst dressed as Marilyn Manson and John Lennon respectively once had a bit of a lie down in the middle of a dark main road, as we very drunk and in need of a bit of a rest.
11:: I used to eat apple donuts under a tree with my friend Rachael instead of going to my A level English lessons. I got a crappy grade, and she never fell in love with me. Bummer.
12:: I once decorated a Christmas tree with condoms, and threw a real pigs heart into the crowd at one of my gigs as a young comedian.
13:: The name Traumatron, which I now use more commonly than my own name, is derived from my love of Transformers, and being a bit an old Goth at heart. The trauma part was actually the surname of my old band persona: Velvet Trauma, which was a piss poor mashing together of words in the same vein that Marilyn Manson did when creating his name. Deary me.
14:: I used to draw every day up until I was about 15 or 16. It was then that I got interested in booze, girls and writing songs. Wooph. I still retain a fair amount of talent for drawing, but not much. I was always fucking awful at song writing, however.
15:: Count Dracula crushed my throat and killed me on no less than three separate occasions. I was playing Arthur Seaward in the school production of Dracula.
16:: I once very nearly got caught masturbating to an episode of Buck Rogers. There was a space princess in it that slinked about in a lot gold jewellery. She was a pretty classy space lady.
17:: I once lost Nics teddy bear, a constant companion of hers throughout her life, by placing him on top of the car we were travelling in to go on holiday. Thankfully, the bear fell off the roof as we rounded the first bend. We came straight home from holiday almost as soon as arriving and discovering the bear lost. Nic mentally unravelled, and we travelled back home at top speed the next day, to find the little bear sunning himself on a small wall, about 20 feet away from our house.
18:: I did an online test a while back and found that I have a mild form of every personality disorder that exists. Just like everybody else.
19:: I was a master thief. I consistently stole magazines and make-up from stores for years. I dont do it any more though. I m an adult for Christs sake.
20:: I used to work from home on a website for a company that sold kitchen appliances online. I would charge them about 3 per page. I made a fuckload of cash off them for doing very little work. About 3.5 hours a day. But then, I suppose thats not exactly much of a secret to any web designers/authors reading this!
Right. I'm going to bristol to this burlesque show, possibly my last. I've decided that I'm rubbish at being a compere, and havent got the time to come up with any hilarious material. I've lost my knack. I'd rather concentrate on my Uni work.
After this, I'm going on holiday. I'll be back Nov. 5th. Be good while I'm gone.
VIEW 27 of 27 COMMENTS
snowballinhell:
Is it ok if I bring Sunfeather along to the meet on Saturday? He's not a member of SGUK simply because he's not yet applied but he'll be accompanied by me and Rainwolfkin
snowballinhell:
No problem and thanks. I thought I'd better ask first seeing as it'll be my first time at a meet too 