transgress

Meredith just called. I've so bad wanted to talk to her. But I haven't called. I told her i'd leave her be. But each night i hope she calls. Each night I hope she stops by steak and shake. But she hasn't. Until this morning. And this morning I find out she would've stopped at steak and shake. But Shawn followed her. So she didn't...
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last few days have been rough. Meredith and I split again. But this time it's hit me like a ton of bricks. Kind of odd. Although, I don't believe it was all her doing that has made the last few nights hard. But the demons in my head are coming out again. So I stay up until I literally fall over asleep. I got fired...
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My sister's baptism is tomorrow. Gonna try to make it to that. It interferes with my work schedule, so I'll probably go in early tomorrow. Her wanting a better relationship with god seems like a good thing to me. However, I do not like main stream christianity. So i'm torn. I think they are an evil on this world. They just don't realize it. So...
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so yesterday was an interesting day. Had an ex call me wanting to hang out. We went to a mexican restaurant because she was hungry. On the way back, we decided it'd be a good idea to have some kinky sex. Definitely not how i had planned on spending my day yesterday. Was planning on going to see the wedding crashers. Can't say that I...
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Okay so it's been a while. Umm... i used my website for a few blogging updates.

Tonight, I feel like death. detox is a bitch. I'm moody. I'm very very much in pain. Not to mention meredith. About to go insane. but eh... just what's a few days to the rest of my life eh? I think i'm going to sleep very very late tomorrow....
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what's new? hmm... not much... still been working. waiting for my 0 gauge ear plugs to come in. I really want them. I don't know why i didn't wait until a bigger gauge to get some custom wood ones though. I'll probably gauge up to 00 right after i go to 0. I'm going to garden cove tomorrow so i can get some more of...
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I got my dreads in. I like them a lot. Really nappy at the moment, but that'll change over time. So umm... I guess meredyth and I won't be talking much anymore. Sucks. But I think i'll be leaving here soon. Not to much reason left to stay. I'm tired. My dreads made sleep awkward and fleeting last night since they are short and pointy....
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eh so on a lighter note... why do some girls opt to not shave their underarms, but do shave their bush? As if a shaved bush is any less of a trend than armpits... i have always found that weird...

so... i haven't run away yet. Been dreaming of my island. I want one with freehold status in fiji... which would mean it is actually...
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suicide dreams... I used to have them a lot. Especially right before I'd go to bed. I'd just be laying there trying to go to sleep and I'd imagine different ways to die. Or if i was sitting at my computer or where ever and just looking at my wrists. I could see razors going across them. It's been a while since I've had one......
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hmm... so i got really high last night before i finished my entry... so around the middle of it... i took a break... got stoned... and couldn't really remember what i was gonna say. It did help clear my mind though. Had some other thoughts. I'm not sure how tonight shall go. My gut feeling is starting to worry me. oh well. Shit can happen....
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Going to the ATL in the morning. Should probably be sleeping now. But I'm not. I just got off of the phone with meredyth. Things still seem okay. I'm hopeful. Albeit problems do arise quickly, but I can deal with that. I'm still on an energy kick from earlier. Overall, today hasn't been so bad. A lot better than I had expected. I think tomorrow...
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Man i must've needed some greens bad. After I had about ten bowls of salad, I felt so much better about life. I'm in such a good mood right now. I know that everything will be all right. And I'm calm, but I feel like dancing. Although apparently meredyth isn't having the best day at work. That makes me a bit sad. Yet I'm still...
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