trans_am_phoenix

Its 3.11 and Im updating this because I can't sleep.


I had it all planned out this morning.

I was going to surprise the girl i fancy (is it just fancy? I do wonder....) by staying with her/within 10 minutes of her for 4 or 5 days. I have 4 quid in the bank so I was gonna earn some extra money somehow. I'm already 60 quid in debt (20 to mike, 50 to parents) so I was gonna go to ross's (big love for ross) and flog literally everything I own on Ebay. From books to tees to everything in between. I had it all worked out. All I would need would be a tenner to get the train from crawley to ross's house (by total fluke my parents were driving reasonably close), and I would have it all set.

I check my balance tonight and Im 40 quid in debt. what the fuck? Why? because 02 have finally set up the direct debit I asked them to sort 2 months ago today. Fuck.

I was gonna owe the money to 02 anyway, but Im so pissed off. Was looking forward so badly to hanging with ross, and drunk jack was gonna make an appearance with his penis knife, but it never happened. And I won't get to see the girl.


I'm taking her to dashboard next week though so all is not lost. She's getting her A-level results tomorrow. I'm really scared. I know she'll do well, I'm scared because she's so worried. I hope she's ok. She'll probably read this and tell me to stop being stupid but I feel a bit weird for her.Kind of weird sick :S

haha what a dick i am.

I've generated some money from selling some stuff already, but I'm not doing a great job. I'll get enough for DC, and pay off my debts hopefully. Fingers crossed. After that she goes to reading though. And then she goes on holiday for a week to spain. I dunno what I'll do for those weeks. i've given up megaflirting as well. MSN is now boring, apart from when shes on and not working. She keeps me smiling and laughing and forgetting about the stupid stuff that pisses me off.

I know I'm gonna get totally into her and then she's gonna go to the uni far away and she'll meet some guy and I'll be back where I was a year ago, confidence gone and feeling quitelike shit. But up until then I'm gonna have the best month of my life. Screw the consequences.


Argh. Messy messy messy. I don't usually fancy girls, but now I do, I'm being a grade A pauper.









*

That was an LJ post I did.

She can see that. She can't see that I actually want to ask her out. And she wants me to ask her out. And I'm going to do it at DC, and she's going to say yes, and then I'm going to kiss her. And it will be perfect.


Cross your fingers for me.