Man, Lurchfest was ace.
So I got the train at like 6 pm from milton keynes. I was prepared for a boring hour long train ride, but I was relieved when an old guy came and sat next to me and started chatting to me.
"Would you like a fag?"
"Sorry?"
"Do you smoke?"
"oh, no thanks."
Anyway, turns out he liked trans ams so I nearly stayed on the train with him for the next couple of hours. Then he told me he was moving to spain because he liked spanish girls, so I got my timing just right and hopped off the train at coventry. After a brief wait in coventry station (Which has the highest ratio of taxis to people in the free world I'm sure) I was met by katie, who was considerably nicer than the last time I met her (last time I met her I think she told me to fuck off when I said hi, or something along those lines. No such luck this time). We took the short ride to sophie sophs, where everyone returned from alton towers, sunburnt, but in good spirits.
Soon the drinking began. Jack marriot, unwise to the dangers of alcohol, was given a cocktail by Ross (stupid emo kid). From the corner of my eye I could see jack was looking when ross passed it to me and said "is that too strong?". Apart from the fact it was 80% jack daniels and 20% Dr pepper and had the same sensation as being shot in the face when you drank it, I still said "Yeah, thats fine. Not too bad".
What was to follow after Ross passed it to Jack, was a couple of hours worth remembering. Not only did Jack play twister on his own for a good few rounds (before finally looking up and seeing no one else was playing and saying "Why am I playing?". Why indeed Jack? I'll tell you why, because you're sky high in the clouds off one of Ross's deadly cocktails (which coincidentally, he was good enough to anyone who asked for the rest of the evening). So with everyone getting slowly more wrecked, and katie and ross, in the words of mithy "Trying to get their fuck on" behind the sofa, time was passing well. Jack however, was worse for wear. The alcohol had taken it's toll, and this was evident when he was getting lairy with ross.
"jack, I'll tell your mum what you've done"
"no you won't, or I'll cut you with my penis knife"
What?
At this point, andy was taking quite a backseat role in the proceedings. Until the subject of his mate "Dai Dog"
"I've got this mate called dai dog, we call him that because he fucks dogs over by the video shop"
*stunned silence*
"What?"
"Well, when people go in they have to leave their dogs outside, so he takes em round the back, and shags em, because he's too ugly to get a girlfriend."
"and people know about this?"
"yeah, the police do as well, but they can't be bothered to do anything about it because it's too much paperwork."
So as you can imagine, with these conversations like these, the rest of the night was spent half in hysterics half in fear.
"ANDY!!! IS THAT A TATTOO DEDICATED TO WES OCP ON YOUR LEG????"
"Yes. I love him"
Surprised
By about this time ross had me reasonably lambasted, and all the rest of the stuff I remember is in flashbacks.
-A late night phonecall
-Emma, *punk*in*drublic* being in my lap.
-Boshing ross with the hulk gloves, and seeing him get totally pwned by mithy
-mithy playing pokemon
- sophie being the ultimate party host. (At this point, I should mention that she and mithy got me from america a TRANS AM T-SHIRT and A TRANS AM WATCH. I'm going to move in with you 2, and you will be my new parents.I love you.)
-A bowl of lucky charms. One of 2 things I ate in 3 days. And probably the best cereal that I really miss.
-The megaphone antics the next day. Picture it, mithy, leaning out the window of katie potateys car, saying "YOU WILL DIE BEFORE YOUR BUS COMES". Old woman did not look pleased to see a car full of laughing youths. Mint as fuck, but maybe a "had to be there" moment.
We then waited in the car for the train to the megabus. Wow. Wasn't there a lot of transport in that sentence.
Anyways, so we hopped on the hot train which was loaded with a hen party full of slags wanting to do the YMCA. Fuck off! haha.
We then hopped off the train and made announcements on the megaphone. "Trains for glasgow now leaving platform 4, sorry for the inconvenience. Hurry!"
Cruising through brum town center Sophie stopped off to shop. There is no stopping this woman! She is addicted to shopping. We then grabbed something to eat where Ross emo kid made the biggest ever shopping spree for the least amount of money. I've never known a man to shop like a girl, and do it so well. Rumour has it he is still a man though.
So we went and ate. I had a prawn salad. Result. Andy asked where the toilets were. I didn't know, so I directed him to narnia instead. He still found the toilets somehow though, And I don't think he was ravaged by Aslan as we had hoped.
We meandered down to the bus stop like a trail of drunk ducklings following their mother (sophie soph) and collapsed into the shade like superman does when he's near kryptonite. Knackered I tell you, birmingham was like a mouthful of Pato Banton. Hot, and uncomfortable.
At this point I had a good chat with james arse-sore records. The pinnacle of the conversation was
"You're disappointed aren't you james?"
"with what?"
"you thought I was going to be a masive bastard and I'm not."
"correct."
If anyone is currently interested, I'm currently involved in a charity scheme known as "MARP". It's about getting moderators into the public eye and showing that they are in fact real people.
Andy of course, buggered off to use the loo because "I didn't finish properly last time" or something. The megabus turned up and he was nowhere to be seen. We had it all worked out, if he didnt turn up we were gonna claim he was the victim of an awesome shark attack that picked him out of the crowd. He made it back and we all crawled onto the megabus, where mithy and I played top trumps. Mithy caned me and I eventually gave up under his awesome trumping power, and we resulted to talking about vanilla pod and how andy knows more about them than they do. Ross found a pair of ray bans at one point, I checked and sadly they were not X-ray, but I still checked out jack when he couldn't see. Jack was sat opposite ross, still totally battered out of his face and yelling that he was going to kill everyone with his rectum gun. or not.
Once into london, Ross emo resorted to pointing at tourists to see if they'd point back. This of course, backfired ten minutes into the game when ross was manically pointing at anything and everything and it waved back. It turned out to be monekystyle sellbydate. What a coincidence!
Before mentioning about arriving at the hostel, I should mention some other megabus highlights :-
- Punkermentality rode the megabus, when asked "do you have any vanilla pod releases going cheap?" he replied "They're always going cheap"
- punkermentality gets up to go for a walk. "Did you just go to the bog?" "nah, needed to stretch my legs" "punkermentality.com fully endorses Deep Vein Thrombosis!"
- "But andy, your mates sleep with animals!!!!!!!!" "no he doesn't, he shags them!"
-Fat women don't have kebab arms, they're called "bingo wings"
By this time I was totally knackered (no sleep for 2 days and its not even the bash itself yet), and we rode the tube to lambeth, where gustav totally blew me away by actually pulling off the lambeth walk. I nearly collapsed in both tears of disbelief and total joy, but tried to keep a straight face.
We arrived at the hostel where andy then asked questions about everything
"are there any towels? will they have any showers? why does this look like an orphanage? can I listen to vanilla pod? etc"
Andy, calm the fuck down! Chill out!
minutes later andy said, "Lurch, you're fucking crazy".
Surprised
Well thats me told. A man with a tattoo on his leg dedicated to the bassist of a single DIY underground band has called me crazy. Appointment with the loon doctor is on monday.
So after that we went to the bash.
Now I dunno if anyone has said it in any threads before now, but, I'd like to say a MASSIVE thank you to sophie and mithy (I'm sure he did something) for organising all the stuff we were too lame to sort out ourselves. I had a really bad ass weekend and I couldn't have had such an ace time without your help. Thank you.
Also, if I didn't mention you in this Lurchfest review, it's not because I didn't notice you, its probably because I was too tired to understand what you were saying.
I had an amazing time though. I've still got the "post bash good time high" as it's known.
Totally amazing.
So I got the train at like 6 pm from milton keynes. I was prepared for a boring hour long train ride, but I was relieved when an old guy came and sat next to me and started chatting to me.
"Would you like a fag?"
"Sorry?"
"Do you smoke?"
"oh, no thanks."
Anyway, turns out he liked trans ams so I nearly stayed on the train with him for the next couple of hours. Then he told me he was moving to spain because he liked spanish girls, so I got my timing just right and hopped off the train at coventry. After a brief wait in coventry station (Which has the highest ratio of taxis to people in the free world I'm sure) I was met by katie, who was considerably nicer than the last time I met her (last time I met her I think she told me to fuck off when I said hi, or something along those lines. No such luck this time). We took the short ride to sophie sophs, where everyone returned from alton towers, sunburnt, but in good spirits.
Soon the drinking began. Jack marriot, unwise to the dangers of alcohol, was given a cocktail by Ross (stupid emo kid). From the corner of my eye I could see jack was looking when ross passed it to me and said "is that too strong?". Apart from the fact it was 80% jack daniels and 20% Dr pepper and had the same sensation as being shot in the face when you drank it, I still said "Yeah, thats fine. Not too bad".
What was to follow after Ross passed it to Jack, was a couple of hours worth remembering. Not only did Jack play twister on his own for a good few rounds (before finally looking up and seeing no one else was playing and saying "Why am I playing?". Why indeed Jack? I'll tell you why, because you're sky high in the clouds off one of Ross's deadly cocktails (which coincidentally, he was good enough to anyone who asked for the rest of the evening). So with everyone getting slowly more wrecked, and katie and ross, in the words of mithy "Trying to get their fuck on" behind the sofa, time was passing well. Jack however, was worse for wear. The alcohol had taken it's toll, and this was evident when he was getting lairy with ross.
"jack, I'll tell your mum what you've done"
"no you won't, or I'll cut you with my penis knife"
What?
At this point, andy was taking quite a backseat role in the proceedings. Until the subject of his mate "Dai Dog"
"I've got this mate called dai dog, we call him that because he fucks dogs over by the video shop"
*stunned silence*
"What?"
"Well, when people go in they have to leave their dogs outside, so he takes em round the back, and shags em, because he's too ugly to get a girlfriend."
"and people know about this?"
"yeah, the police do as well, but they can't be bothered to do anything about it because it's too much paperwork."
So as you can imagine, with these conversations like these, the rest of the night was spent half in hysterics half in fear.
"ANDY!!! IS THAT A TATTOO DEDICATED TO WES OCP ON YOUR LEG????"
"Yes. I love him"
Surprised
By about this time ross had me reasonably lambasted, and all the rest of the stuff I remember is in flashbacks.
-A late night phonecall
-Emma, *punk*in*drublic* being in my lap.
-Boshing ross with the hulk gloves, and seeing him get totally pwned by mithy
-mithy playing pokemon
- sophie being the ultimate party host. (At this point, I should mention that she and mithy got me from america a TRANS AM T-SHIRT and A TRANS AM WATCH. I'm going to move in with you 2, and you will be my new parents.I love you.)
-A bowl of lucky charms. One of 2 things I ate in 3 days. And probably the best cereal that I really miss.
-The megaphone antics the next day. Picture it, mithy, leaning out the window of katie potateys car, saying "YOU WILL DIE BEFORE YOUR BUS COMES". Old woman did not look pleased to see a car full of laughing youths. Mint as fuck, but maybe a "had to be there" moment.
We then waited in the car for the train to the megabus. Wow. Wasn't there a lot of transport in that sentence.
Anyways, so we hopped on the hot train which was loaded with a hen party full of slags wanting to do the YMCA. Fuck off! haha.
We then hopped off the train and made announcements on the megaphone. "Trains for glasgow now leaving platform 4, sorry for the inconvenience. Hurry!"
Cruising through brum town center Sophie stopped off to shop. There is no stopping this woman! She is addicted to shopping. We then grabbed something to eat where Ross emo kid made the biggest ever shopping spree for the least amount of money. I've never known a man to shop like a girl, and do it so well. Rumour has it he is still a man though.
So we went and ate. I had a prawn salad. Result. Andy asked where the toilets were. I didn't know, so I directed him to narnia instead. He still found the toilets somehow though, And I don't think he was ravaged by Aslan as we had hoped.
We meandered down to the bus stop like a trail of drunk ducklings following their mother (sophie soph) and collapsed into the shade like superman does when he's near kryptonite. Knackered I tell you, birmingham was like a mouthful of Pato Banton. Hot, and uncomfortable.
At this point I had a good chat with james arse-sore records. The pinnacle of the conversation was
"You're disappointed aren't you james?"
"with what?"
"you thought I was going to be a masive bastard and I'm not."
"correct."
If anyone is currently interested, I'm currently involved in a charity scheme known as "MARP". It's about getting moderators into the public eye and showing that they are in fact real people.
Andy of course, buggered off to use the loo because "I didn't finish properly last time" or something. The megabus turned up and he was nowhere to be seen. We had it all worked out, if he didnt turn up we were gonna claim he was the victim of an awesome shark attack that picked him out of the crowd. He made it back and we all crawled onto the megabus, where mithy and I played top trumps. Mithy caned me and I eventually gave up under his awesome trumping power, and we resulted to talking about vanilla pod and how andy knows more about them than they do. Ross found a pair of ray bans at one point, I checked and sadly they were not X-ray, but I still checked out jack when he couldn't see. Jack was sat opposite ross, still totally battered out of his face and yelling that he was going to kill everyone with his rectum gun. or not.
Once into london, Ross emo resorted to pointing at tourists to see if they'd point back. This of course, backfired ten minutes into the game when ross was manically pointing at anything and everything and it waved back. It turned out to be monekystyle sellbydate. What a coincidence!
Before mentioning about arriving at the hostel, I should mention some other megabus highlights :-
- Punkermentality rode the megabus, when asked "do you have any vanilla pod releases going cheap?" he replied "They're always going cheap"
- punkermentality gets up to go for a walk. "Did you just go to the bog?" "nah, needed to stretch my legs" "punkermentality.com fully endorses Deep Vein Thrombosis!"
- "But andy, your mates sleep with animals!!!!!!!!" "no he doesn't, he shags them!"
-Fat women don't have kebab arms, they're called "bingo wings"
By this time I was totally knackered (no sleep for 2 days and its not even the bash itself yet), and we rode the tube to lambeth, where gustav totally blew me away by actually pulling off the lambeth walk. I nearly collapsed in both tears of disbelief and total joy, but tried to keep a straight face.
We arrived at the hostel where andy then asked questions about everything
"are there any towels? will they have any showers? why does this look like an orphanage? can I listen to vanilla pod? etc"
Andy, calm the fuck down! Chill out!
minutes later andy said, "Lurch, you're fucking crazy".
Surprised
Well thats me told. A man with a tattoo on his leg dedicated to the bassist of a single DIY underground band has called me crazy. Appointment with the loon doctor is on monday.
So after that we went to the bash.
Now I dunno if anyone has said it in any threads before now, but, I'd like to say a MASSIVE thank you to sophie and mithy (I'm sure he did something) for organising all the stuff we were too lame to sort out ourselves. I had a really bad ass weekend and I couldn't have had such an ace time without your help. Thank you.
Also, if I didn't mention you in this Lurchfest review, it's not because I didn't notice you, its probably because I was too tired to understand what you were saying.
I had an amazing time though. I've still got the "post bash good time high" as it's known.
Totally amazing.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
I wouldnt be able to scrape the cash together for an age anyways,
Next one I want done, I want it to cover the whole of my back.
Eek.