tortureresponse

today started out pretty rough and i was consumed with last nights revelations. i had no ride to work, which meant taking the bus, which i almost missed... but i got there, heh

when i got off the bus, i had about a 20min walk through the driving rain and cold wind to get to work. what started out as pretty depressing turned into something rather uplifting. i started to think about everything and realized i'm still here, i'm in love and i keep living my life. there's nothing more i can really ask for, except to home, which is coming soon

in short, nothing bad is going to happen because i won't let it. i realized that bad things happen because i bring them on myself and don't allow myself to be happy. fuck that, enough of that shit. there is no impending doom headed my way, only happiness and comfort. from now on, everything will be good, because i've made up my mind to have it like that. i'm done with expecting the worst and starting to realize the best can happen if i make it so. and that's what i'm doing. starting right now. i'm coming home for christmas and i'm never leaving again...

there's still alot of issues i have that need to be dealt with, but all of that will come in time. the important thing is that i've learned alot about myself and i'm learning to let go. i need to be there for my family, they need me. i need to be there for her. i'm counting the days until i come home to be with her